What a strange title you may be thinking… but I’m sure many of you can’t answer ‘yes’ to this question:
“Do you show up fully as yourself every day in every moment?”
Why is it so difficult to be ourselves?
Take a look around you (like you didn’t need reminding) we are bombarded with sales of products and things we ‘need’ in order to improve ourselves, be better, do better, have more, lose the wrinkles, lose the cellulite, lose the flab… the list goes on.
This messaging has been learned by our subconscious minds since birth. The message of…
“You’re not good enough just as you are. You need ___ to be seen, to be heard and to matter in society.”
This is so normal to us that everyone around us is conditioned to think and act this way too. It’s normal to talk about what diet we’re on this month. It’s common practice to be working our ass off in the gym in order to be ‘beach ready.’ It’s expected to be comparing beauty products in order to find the one that gets rid of our wrinkles… because God forbid we age as our bodies go through life!
These media messages only add to the beliefs and values of our parents and those that raised us. And whatever our parents believed, we also took as our own beliefs. After all, as children we looked up to our parents to keep us safe and to teach us everything.
Most of us have been raised by parents that have sadly also been conditioned by society and so throughout our lives as we’ve grown up, we’ve adopted a deep belief that we’re just not good enough.
Our parents did the best they could. I’m blessed to have a mum who loves me unconditionally and shows her love in any and every way she can. So when I was a child and I saw my mum constantly picking fault with herself, grabbing her tummy fat and saying ‘look at this it’s disgusting!’, I was petrified of gaining weight to the point where I fell into anorexia. I’m not blaming my mum of course not, it wasn’t only seeing her act that way that caused my fear but she didn’t know any better either. She had been taught to believe that her beautiful perfect tummy that housed a safe place for me and my sister to come into the world, was ‘disgusting’. 🙁 I have tears writing this.
On top of believing that how we look isn’t good enough, we also believe that we need to achieve or have lots of money in order to be happy. And this is not our truth! So before I go any further, can we just take a moment to send ourselves some compassion? No wonder we feel this way. And that’s ok.
The fear of being judged
The more I coach and the more people I help (including myself!) it’s clear to see that the fear of being judged is what keeps us from being ourselves.
It’s what keeps us from choosing to wear jeans over shorts and ‘just dealing’ with how hot we get. It’s what makes us say yes to a night out when all we really want is to have a night in our PJs with a good book. It’s what motivates us to start a new diet or join a gym because #bikinibody…
Our constant worry of what others may think, or say about us is what stops is from fully showing up as ourselves.
But what are we really scared of?
What IF people DO judge us?
Truthbomb… people DO judge us. All. The. Time. And I’ll tell you what we fear…
We fear being rejected.
We fear being unloved.
And that fear is real for us.
So what can we do about it? I’ll get to that shortly but for now, keep reading.
Would you think I was crazy if I told you that your flaws are actually perfect because they make you, you? I’m being serious… those quirks that you have that you’re afraid to show to the world, they are what make you unique!
It makes me chuckle when I think about it… we spend most of our lives trying to fit in and be the same as everyone else yet at the same time -especially as we get older – we are desperately seeking a way to stand out! Especially in business or when wanting to be ‘chosen’ as a romantic partner.
Wouldn’t it be so much easier if instead, we just celebrated who we are? Exactly as we were born to be. And work towards our strengths and gifts instead of wasting our precious time and energy on constantly trying to be smarter, skinnier, healthier, funnier, more popular like Rachel on Instagram.
Think back to when someone has said to you “I love that about you!” and you were stood there gawping back in horror thinking that’s the very thing you don’t like about you?
Don’t pretend that’s never happened to you…
You are you and that’s your superpower!
How to actually show up as yourself
So how do we actually show up as ourselves in a world that’s telling us not to?
When we come back to our truth of who we really are – love – and the truth that we are deeply loved by our creator and our nearest and dearest more than we ever thought possible, we can consciously make a decision…
Do you choose to keep yourself small and hidden in fear of being judged?
Or do you choose to own who you are? All of you. Exactly as you are at any moment. And free yourself from yourself in order to experience infinite freedom and love?
Knowing that those who truly matter love you for who you are. And knowing that you have all the love in the universe inside yourself to give to yourself.
Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.
Alongside choosing yourself in every situation – and you will have to keep choosing yourself a hundred times over at first and it ain’t gonna be easy – surrounding yourself with people who are on the same journey as you is crucial.
Seek out a mentor, a coach, someone who is living their life fully as themselves and learn from them. Go to personal development seminars, join groups with women who are on the same mission as you.
Work on your self-love, body image, your self-care and upgrade your self-worth. Do what makes YOU happy first and foremost. Start saying YES to yourself and what you want. Wear the shorts. Say no. Show up as yourself knowing that you are perfect whole and complete exactly as you are.
Educate yourself in this world of truth, acceptance, surrender and LOVE. Get support. Speak up. Be vulnerable.
I have something very exciting coming up that I’m launching in a couple of months- 1st September (2020) that will assist you, educate you and support you to deepen your self-love and confidence. If you would like to be on the pre-launch list please email YES to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
In the meantime – be kind to yourself. Shine that beautiful light of yours and give yourself some love!