Do you ever admire a confident person and wonder how they do it?
Do you think it’s their body that gives them that confident swagger?
I used to think there was a correlation between your body shape and confidence.
That, if I fit the ‘norm’ (which would require building a Frankenstein version of myself from various doll parts) I would feel sexy, be happy, wear jeans without worrying about a muffin top and eat like a normal person.
After fighting against my body for what felt like forever, I realized that accepting your body is something you create for yourself from the inside out.
Did you hear that?
Accepting your body is something you create for yourself from the inside-out.
It’s your attitude, your actions, your swagger and most importantly, it’s a
1. Connect with an emotion that you want to feel
Ask yourself, how would it feel to be your most confident self? Write them down. Here are some examples: fun, joy, playful, fierce, adventurous, inspired, blissful, bold, sassy, sensual, strong, peaceful, relaxed, calm, secure, empowered, content etc. etc.
2. Using a journal every day, write down a daily intention to help you
channel one of these words.
For example, if your word is calm you could say, “My intention today is to create a sense of calm in my mind by remembering to breathe.” or “My intention today is to connect to a sense of calm by surrendering to things I cannot control.” Etc.
3. At the end of the day, connect back to where you have experienced
For example, if your feelings are free, relaxed and confident, ask yourself, “Where was I most confident today?” Connect back with how those feelings felt for you to anchor them in your DNA.
The picture we paint of our future self is really about the feelings we want to have in life.
By doing this exercise every day you are rewiring your brain to be more familiar with these feelings and you’ll find your actions flow more easily and you’ll be your most confident self.
She is already inside you…you just need to coax them her out to play.
4. Create a positive affirmation each week
And repeat this to yourself a bazillion times a day! A great affirmation to start with is:
Loving my body is a mindset that I create for myself.
This should be on repeat in your brain every day until you give yourself a new one!
You don’t need to say it aloud, but you can if you’d like. Here is how you can remember to keep it top of mind:
Every time you check your phone (so 8,542 times), repeat it to yourself 3 times
Every time you go to the bathroom, repeat it to yourself 3 times
Before you go to bed, repeat it 10 times
Put a reminder in your calendar to do it a couple of times a day
Turn it into a song and sing it in your head all day long…the same way Taylor Swift songs get stuck in your head.
Don’t skip this step! I know it may seem insignificant to some of you, but it is important.
5. Create a morning and evening routine to set yourself up for success
Part of feeling confident in your body coincides with feeling confident about yourself in general. And feeling confident about yourself in general involves sticking to the promises you make to yourself.
Having a morning and evening routine no matter how short is so critical to this. Because you’re putting yourself first and setting yourself up for the day and before sleep which will have a huge impact on your mindset and mental wellbeing.
It can be something as simple as getting up 15 minutes earlier to enjoy a meditation or breakfast by yourself. And then taking half an hour before you go to bed for a relaxing bath or to read a book.
I have a worksheet that will help you to create your own. I can send you if you would like, just let me know firstname.lastname@example.org.
6. Practice speaking to yourself like you would speak to someone you love very much
We all have that inner bitch in our head telling us we’re not good enough. Time to call her out on her BS!
You have 2 choices when this voice pops up, and let’s face it, she’s always lurking around especially when you’re about to do something that COULD make you very happy.
Choice one – continue to entertain these thoughts as the truth and feel shit about yourself.
Choice two – Decide that you will not entertain this thought and chose to think another thought that will make you feel happier. Even if you don’t believe it yet… keep doing this alllll day everrrrry day sister!
7. Go on a detox
And I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT talking about a shitty juice cleanse… your body detoxes for you every day all by itself… it’s called your liver!
Go through your social media and unfollow, mute or block ANY account that does not make you feel freaking awesome about yourself or your life.
And NO, the #fitspo’s will NOT motivate you, they will feed your subconscious mind with thoughts of ‘not feeling good enough’.
Protect yourself and take charge of what you consume in the form of social media, tv, magazines and the people you surrond yourself with.
YOU and only YOU get to decide what and who you want in your life. And trust me – the more positivity in your life, the happier you will feel!
8. Look at body positive images every damn day!
Flood your mind with women the same size and bigger than you rocking their life’s. Believe or not, there is a whole world out there that is FULL of AMAZING inspiring women showing up as there themselves unapologetically.
GO FIND THEM.
Learn from them! Get yourself out of the caged ‘norm’ which encourages self loathing, eating disorders and low self esteem.
Bodies are SUPPOSED to be different! Let’s celebrate it.
9. Express gratitude towards your body
What does your body do for you?
I’ll help you out… she keeps you alive every second day and night. She is a miracle!
Your legs enable you to walk, run and play.
Your arms allow you to hug loved ones.
Your tummy area allows you to carry a baby!
Your breasts allow you to feed your baby.
Your eyes allow you to see the wonders of the world. And I don’t just mean the 7 wonders of the world… Take a look outside now… I’m talking about the colours of the trees, the incredible different flowers, the animals, the moon, everything is a miracle! Appreciate that you can experience this beauty.
It’s impossible to feel hatred and gratitude at the same time. Practice feeling and expressing gratitude towards your body ON A DAILY BASIS. Especially the parts you don’t love the look of.
10. Go through your wardrobe!
Be ruthless girl! STOP saving clothes for ‘when you lose weight’!
Stop that shit NOW!
Plan time to go through your wardrobe, draws and everything else. Ask a friend you can trust and ask them to hold you accountable to being ruthless.
Literally pick up each item and if it doesn’t spark joy or if it doesn’t fit you NOW, GET RID!
Give them to charity, sell them, recycle them. Whatever you do, get them out your house. You don’t need clothes as a reminder everyday that you’re not small enough to fit in them.
If you end up being in a smaller body in the future, you can always buy some more clothes… and don’t give me the money card. That’s your inner b popping up giving yourself excuses not to do it, because she wants you to cling onto the hope that you WILL lose weight and fit into all your clothes because all you need to do is just find that one diet out there that will work….
I’ll save you years more of disappointment and let you in on the secret that,
Diets don’t work long term and in fact, are the BEST way to GAIN weight over time… oooh snaaaap!!!!
11. Buy yourself some new clothes that fit you and that you feel good in
Again, if money is an issue, get yourself off to a charity shop, I find loads of good things in them, especially when I take my sister who has waaaay better fashion sense than me!
Don’t let the size of something make you to feel shit. F that noise! Size does NOT matter. What matters in that you wear clothes you like and that you feel comfortable in.
I brought 2 dresses from New Look a few months ago and 1 was a size 8 and the other was a size 16.
And no shits were given!!! Because I don’t judge myself on what size my amazing vessel that I get to experience life through is!
And I know diets don’t work and actually instead just caused me to have an eating disorder for over 20 years. So what’s the alternative?…
TO ACCEPT MY BODY HOWEVER SHE SHOWS UP EACH DAY!
So, treat yourself to some new clothes you don’t have to go mad, but you will be amazed at how much better you feel when you get rid of all the negative energy in your wardrobe.
12. Write your body a letter and let her write back to you
Bit of a strange one, I know, but try it!
Let loose on paper and write to your body blaming her for whatever it is that you don’t like, wish were different or why you feel mad at her.
Then do a short meditation and then let your body answer your letter in defence. Let your writing flow. Don’t overthink anything, just let whatever comes up come.
You may be surprised at what happens here…
13. Stop fighting with your body
Imagine a tug of war. You’re one end tugging away, and your body is the other.
You’re shouting “Why can’t you just be skinny god damn it!”
And she’s not saying a word, but is silently and successfully digging her heels in holding that stance looking like she’s never going to break or give in.
Now DROP THE ROPE beautiful! PUT IT DOWN. STOP FIGHTING!
All you’re doing is fighting with yourself. How far has that gotten you…?
Drop the rope. Walk up to your body and give her a big hug. Ask her if you can be friends. Notice the huge sigh of relief she gives you. She’s been waitign patiently for this her whole life.
It brings me to tears… We spend so much of our lives hating ourselves when in fact, our body gives us LIFE!!!
She spends every second keep you alive. Looking after you. Protecting you.
Make friends with her. Work on your goals together from a place of acceptance and compassion.
It will take you further than you ever thought possible.
14. Tell yourself you love yourself in the mirror every day
Yes you may feel stupid.
Yes you may cry.
Yes you may get angry and think it’s stupid.
DO IT ANWYAY!
Do it every single morning you wake up. Go to the mirror and say “Good morning beautiful, I love you.”
I’m being serious. Do it. Never stop doing it.
15. Give yourself pleasure!
I’m talking all kinds of pleasure…
Sexual pleasure. Taste pleasure. Relaxation pleasure.
What do you like? Do more of it!
Ask for what you want from others, you’re fucking worth it!
Give YOURSELF pleasure, you fucking deserve it!
Treat your body like you would treat someone who you love sooooo much.
Give her compliments. Take care of her. Give her what she needs.
And just notice how confident you feel in your own skin.
I hope these have helped?
Practice, practice practice. I promise you will get there. It’s a heck of a lot easier to hire a body image coach to get you to the other side!