This episode is for you if you have with a:
“Remember when I weighed __ ?”
“Someday when I get down to __”
relationship with your body instead of accepting yourself as you are now.
Reminiscing or pining?
How many of you have looked back at previous pictures of yourself when you were smaller or more toned or whatever it was and you feel a great sense of longing or even jealousy for the past version of you? Whether it’s pining over photos of how you looked when you were a teenager or when you were in your twenties… before you had children or before you changed up your job for a more sedentary one…
The wishing, the longing, the hoping is not motivating you or inspiring you in any way to “get back” to your old body, even if you think it is 😉
Seeing an old photo and then reminiscing over the great moments you experienced is different from feeling like a failure because you don’t look that way anymore.
The reason WHY many of us are either ruminating or reminiscing about the past and worrying about the future is that we’re actually wired to be that way as humans. We find it very difficult to be in the present moment. In the NOW.
For those of us who tend to be stuck in the past, we are prone to have depression type symptoms such as always wishing we could either go back and change something because of regret or guilt or wishing we could go back to the “good old days.”
For those of us who tend to worry a lot about the future, about potential change or the unknown, we are prone to have anxiety type symptoms. Thinking about the worst-case scenarios, what if’s etc.
Here is a great paragraph from the incredible Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power Of Now.
“The only thing that ever truly exists is the now. By always thinking about the past or the future, we are ignoring or resisting the now. In essence, we are denying reality and, in doing so, causing ourselves a great deal of pain. Learning to exist in the now frees us from pain while connecting us to the infinite calm of our essential being.”
“I want my body back!”
ONE of the most problematic things in society is that we are conditioned to believe that women’s bodies should not change. If they do change as we inevitably get older, we must age “gracefully” and continue to hold onto our youth for a long as possible.
Young and thin is the “ideal” for our society so it seems that we spend our whole lives trying to pursue that!
If you often have thoughts such as “I want my body back” then I have some good news for you…
Your body never went anywhere… your body is here right now. She’s spent every moment since the day you were born keeping you alive. And the body you claim you “want back” you most likely weren’t even happy with or comfortable in back then!
Do you look back at photos from the past and you think to yourself now “Oh gosh I looked so good then but I didn’t see it! I remember being self-conscious when this photo was taken because I hated the way my body looked!”?
I know that when I look back at some of my “before” photos I remember how I felt when I was taking those photos… disgusting, “fat” – even though fat isn’t actually a feeling! – I was excited to start the 12-week photoshoot transformation with my new coach – and I can see now that I was tiny back then! There was no fat on me to lose.
My new coach replyed to the “before” photos stating that I was actually very lean already and so there wouldn’t be much work to do. I remember considering firing him as my coach so that I could find someone who wasn’t “lying” to me!
I had body dysmorphia for sure and I don’t want to throw labels around but I’m pretty sure most of you will have too. Think back to an old photo of yourself where now you think “I looked great!” whereas at the time you remember that you felt so shit about your body.
We can’t see it when we’re in it.
When you’re emersed in something, you can’t see what everybody else around you sees. It’s like these quotes:
“I can’t see the wood through the trees” or “Fish do not discover water”
The same goes for our body image because when you were in that body, you weren’t happy, you weren’t confident. You may think that when you get back down to that size again that you’ll be confident and sexy but you won’t be because you weren’t before…!
“Weight loss does not fix body image problems”
We want what we don’t have
It’s been ingrained in us to pursue things we don’t have. If you’re curvy blonde, you’ll probably want to be a petite brunette. If you’re a petite brunette, you’ll probably want to be a curvy blonde…
If you’ve got long, you’ll probably want to cut it short, if you’ve got short hair, you’ll probably want to grow it long…
If you have curly hair you straighten it and if you have straight hair, you curl it and give it texture…
If you have thick shapely thighs, you’ll probably want long and thin slender legs, if you have long and thin slender legs, you’ll probably want shapely more muscley ones!
It’s almost funny really when we think about it!
We are never happy with what we have whether it be material possessions or our bodies. So you THINK that you want your old body back, but actually, you weren’t happy with your body when DID have it!
Our bodies are supposed to change
Our bodies are supposed to change! When we accept this, the beauty, diet, cosmetic and plastic surgery industries lose a ton of money! Think about how much money is made off of anti-ageing products…
Pets show us ageing in the truest sense of the word as they have a shorter life span. They go grey and start to move slower, they get fatter and they’re not as athletic looking as they were when they were younger. But you don’t shame your pet for ageing or put them on a diet or get annoyed at them because they’re not like they used to be…! You take extra special care of them, you give them, even more, love, you might feed them special food to help to take care of their joints…
So why do we shame ourselves? Why are we putting ridiculous pressure on ourselves to stay looking young and slim and toned and ….. blaaaaahhhh?!
It is time to say enough is enough, stop this BS and start taking care of and appreciating our bodies. And also realising that our bodies are not here just to be aesthetically pleasing to others… nor to ourselves!
You are more than what your body looks like. Your worth is not tied to your size or shape. Even though you think it does…
Pre-baby body back
It really grates on me when I hear things like “I want to get my pre-baby body back” or “Celebrity __ has got her pre-baby body back”!
There’s no such thing as a pre-baby body! You’ve given birth, your breasts have most likely fed your baby, providing him or her with all the essential nourishment for your baby to grow. Your hips have widened, your tummy muscles have separated and then come back together again, you’ve literally grown a human inside your body!
Your body will forever be changed and that’s a beautiful thing!
Think of all the women in the world who would give ANYTHING to have their own baby… I’m sure they’d take your stretch marks, loose skin and extra body fat without hesitating if it meant they could have a baby.
Think of all the changes our bodies go through when we’re growing up. From a baby to a toddler, to a young child, to early adolescence to a teenager and to an adult. Then it seems that when we reach the age of 21 we have to freeze ourselves and do everything in our power and also to pursue everything out of our power to stay looking 21!
What’s also disturbing is that most Xrated porn is stating and advertising that the actresses in the porn movies are 18 years old or in their early twenties. Society has idealised that age and that body.
Not seeing women of all ages, shapes and sizes being lusted over or used as fantasies is only confirming what we already believe – that young women who are living in the ideal body are the only ones that are lusted after and wanted sexually.
It is much more common to see an older man in a porn movie with greying hair “a silver fox” than a maturing woman. And if there are older women used, she’d be as close to the ideal body type as body and of course, she’d have the ideal vulva too because god forbid she had a vulva that didn’t match society’s ideals…
There will be exceptions of course but I’m talking about the generalised porn industry here. You’re much better off watching natural and REAL pornography.
Be honest with yourself
When you find yourself longingly looking at old photos of your past self and wishing you looked like that now, I want you to ask yourself these questions:
Did you feel energised?
Where you comfortable in your body?
Because you probably weren’t.
And so to assume that the answer to feeling confident and good about yourself is in a certain body type is far off it’s crazy! So if you’re longing, I want you to go back and be honest with yourself about how you felt at that time.
And if you felt good in your body was that purely because of what size you were or because of how you looked? Or was it due to other life events and circumstances that contributed to how happy you were?
If it was purely because of how you looked, what were you doing with your food and exercise in order to have to look that way? Was that pleasurable? Would you want to do that now? Can you just appreciate that time in your life for what it was and also appreciate where you are now in your life?
What you are seeking for yourself is not found in a size or a weight.
Your body is supposed to change! Your body is changing minute to minute. Your cells are constantly dying and growing back. You a part of nature – nature changes! You’d be pretty disappointed if you lived in one season forever – you wouldn’t experience the new colourful blossom in spring or the gorgeous golden, reds and browns of autumn, or the heat and the light of the sun in summer or the crisp cold winter mornings.
As a woman you will be menstruating or will have menstruated in your lifetime… that’s all about change and the ebbs and flows of nature and life. So stop treating yourself like you’re a machine or an object to be looked at and start accepting and embracing who you are beautiful!
This is your permission slip to stop fighting with yourself and your body. Make friends with her. Save your money and your energy and instead focus on self-love, self-care, nourishing yourself physically, mentally and emotionally.
How you look has nothing to do with the quality of your health. Health has everything to do with how you feel and how your body functions. So focus on that instead of what you look like.
I’ll leave you with this image my beauties…