When I say the word ‘fear’ what does that mean to you? Do you have visions of a derelict old house with scary ghosts floating around… Or maybe it’s climbing a really high mountain and walking over a broken sad-looking bridge with a drop so huge that it makes your stomach flip….. I am impressed if you see fear as YOU holding YOURSELF back from doing the things you want to do in life…
I have come so far in my journey of ‘self’ just as I know you have too, even if you don’t feel like it right now. I use to think that I was fearless and that I would do anything because of how brave I was. Maybe that’s the case with things like skydiving, watching scary movies or moving abroad to be with my boyfriend who I only knew for 3 months before taking the leap! But what I noticed was that when true fear came into play in my life, it was because I was scared of MYSELF failing AND I was even SCARED of becoming so happy!
But what I noticed was that when true fear came into play in my life, it was because I was scared of MYSELF failing AND I was even SCARED of becoming so happy!
That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But it is so true. Your ego likes to keep you small and safe... so anything out of your comfort zone whether positive or negative is where your ego likes to stay and will do everything in its power to keep you there with it. Fear stops us from doing the things in life that we ultimately want to do.
Fear stops us from doing the things in life that we ultimately want to do.
I believe that we only have two emotions: Love and Fear
There are various emotional wheels that you can use to gauge exactly how you are feeling in any given moment. This really helps with identifying your emotions and then exploring them. But I believe, along with Spiritual Teachers such as Eckhart Tolle that all emotions come from either Love or Fear. Fear sprouts emotions such as anger, jealousy, hate, depression, resentment etc… Love creates all of the wonderful emotions such as joy, happiness, gratefulness, forgiveness etc. Try asking yourself why you are feeling a certain emotion and ask the magic word why over and over again and I guarantee that you will end up with either love or fear behind your original emotion.
Try asking yourself why you are feeling a certain emotion and ask the magic word why over and over again and I guarantee that you will end up with either love or fear behind your original emotion.
Fear shows up as your Inner Bitch
We all have that voice inside our head that pops up when we have a strong feeling of desire or/and excitement towards an idea. She’s the one that ruins your brainstorm with questions like… “Yeah but…, What if…, What about…” And most of the time we listen to that bitch and find reasons why not to go for something. We also let other peoples’ inner bitch stop us from doing the things we want! Ever had a brilliant idea then you spoke to someone about it and their response made you re-think completely? “Yeah, your right, maybe I am being too unrealistic” Well Hello, Einstein was considered a maniac before he was crowned as a genius… The Wright brothers were considered insane and totally unrealistic because they thought they could invent a way for humans to fly… just saying…!
Well Hello, Einstein was considered a maniac before he was crowned as a genius… The Wright brothers were considered insane and totally unrealistic because they thought they could invent a way for humans to fly… just saying…!
If you think your idea is too big or too scary then that means you should go for it! Maybe it’s something as small as wearing those short shorts on a hot day. Or maybe it’s leaving your job and starting your dream business selling cupcakes. Ask yourself this question:
What would you do if you weren’t scared?
And whilst we are on the topic of asking questions, ask yourself this one too:
How many times in the past have you been scared to do something but you did it anyway and totally rocked it..?!
How did you feel before, during and after that? Was it worth going for it? We are stronger and braver than we think we are! It’s the brave decisions that come from our heart (or gut feeling) that we see through to the end that bring us the most joy and satisfaction in life. 99.9% of the time all that worrying and future predicting we tell ourselves doesn’t come true for us at all! So we stress for no reason when we could have been chillaxing knowing that – cue Bob Marley ‘every little thing is gonna be alright…’
Do you ever look to anybody and think, “wow I wish I was as brave as them…. how do they have the balls to do that?!” Now I’m not saying that I’m the Queen of bravery or anything but I like to consider myself a brave person. I have worked on (and continue to work on) facing all of my fears. No. Matter. What. Especially when it comes to me holding myself back because I am scared of failure. Or if I am actually scared of how happy I could be… I like to use Nike’s Slogan, JUST DO IT! If it feels right in your heart then go for it. Don’t let your inner bitch take over and talk yourself out of it.
Do something that scares you every day then one day you will wake up feeling invincible
The 3 pillars of fear
Fear creeps into your life in 3 different ways:
1. Fear of the unknown
Your ego which is the at the front of our brain was the last part to evolve in us humans. This part of our brain likes to keep us small because it likes to be in control all the time. It loves to keep you in familiar territory whether that be good or bad. It wants to protect you (ahhh) so doesn’t want you to do anything scary or out of your comfort zone because it can’t predict what will happen. Your ego does not like change. Whilst this may have helped our ancestors when living in dangerous rain forests, it doesn’t really serve us now in this modern world. It keeps us stuck. And it sucks!
E.g. You want to wear shorts because it’s hot outside but your inner bitch pops up: “What it people point at the cellulite on my legs? What if I feel self-conscious? What if I get chaffing?” Bla-Bla-Bla…
Remember that slogan JUST DO IT! Well, give it a try… What’s the worse that can happen… someone MIGHT point at the cellulite on your legs… then what…?
What other people think of you is none of your business and if they judge you then that’s everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.
2. Fear of having to give something up
To deal with this one is a case of pivoting where you focus your attention. If you focus on the things that you will have to change or let go of to achieve your goal then your gonna give yourself a hard time. Pursuing a healthy lifestyle is a good example of this but it happens in any situation. Your inner bitch may show up this time saying things like “But what about all the chocolate I like to have at the weekend? I won’t be able to go out drinking with my friends anymore. But I will have to go to the gym” Yarda-Yarda-Yarda…
If you know deep down in your heart that the relationship you’re in just isn’t right for you and you want to leave then your inner bitch be like, “Well, what if I can’t find anyone else and I end up on my own? It’s too scary to leave, even though I feel unhappy right now at least I’m comfortable. It will be so much stress and effort having to sort everything out with the house etc”…
Switch your focus to the GOOD that you will gain from acting on your goal such as: “I can meet new friend’s at the gym and perhaps go walking with them at weekends. I’m really excited to try loads of new healthy recipes and fresh whole foods, I can’t wait to feel amazing! … “Who knows what could happen, I could really meet the man of my dreams. I will be so much happier doing my own thing without the stress of this relationship. I have loads of family and friends who will support me every step of the way.”
Sounds and feels better right? It really is so important to ALWAYS focus on the positives in any situation whether that be a situation of change, uncertain times or simply a goal that you’re working towards. Because what you focus on, you get more of and that’s a fact! Check out The Law Of Attraction.
3. Fear of failure
What if you pushed past the fear of the unknown, focused on the positive outcomes instead of what you would have to give up yet you STILL don’t reach your goal or the desired outcome? This is what your inner B would be having a field day with. Remember that 99.9% of things that you worry about happening won’t come true for us…. but if you do find yourself not reaching your goal then that’s NOT A BAD THING! Before you start cursing me wait a sec and let me explain…
First of all look at how far you have come since you made the decision to do the ‘thing’. I bet that your way ahead of when you started. So, celebrate the fact you had the balls to go for it in the first place as this will only bring great things into your life if you continue to act and strive forwards. You heard of that saying:
If you aim for the moon and miss, you’ll still end up amongst the stars…
Take a look at what you HAVE achieved and what it took from yourself to get you there. Now imagine staying exactly where you were before you deiced to do anything… which situation would you choose?
Second, WHAT CAN YOU LEARN FROM THIS?
You only fail if you give up!
Take a moment to look at what you can learn from the steps that got you in the situation where you are now. And then move forward again! Never give up. We all know that saying as a kid:
If at first, you don’t succeed try, try again.
My niece said to me the other day:
FAIL stands for: FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING
How amazing is that! It made my heart melt and it is so so true! What separates the high achievers from most people is that they never give up on their dreams and goals. They learn from the things that didn’t go so well and keep striving forward. Please be one of those people! For yourself because you deserve it. Don’t let fear talk you out of doing the things you really want, no matter how scary it may seem. If your dream was to start your own bakery business but for the first year you were in a huge minus because the cost of the shop you were renting killed any profits then think again. Move your business somewhere else, start in your own kitchen and then make it all based online… find someone to partner with, the options are endless when you want something bad enough. Do not stop at the first hurdle. Jump over it and carry on your path to greatness.
Wear the shorts, book that holiday, make the move, start your own business… because my love, only YOU can do it and life is here to be lived. You are here to thrive and to have everything you want in life, not simply just get by.
You can have, do and be anything you want. You are strong and powerful beyond measure!
Go out there and shine because you are enough and you are perfect exactly the way you are.
Victoria x
