Self-confidence. What does it mean to you to be self-confident? I’m not just talking about your body, I’m talking about YOU as a whole person, including your personality, your values and how you show up in the world.
Let’s start this off by defining what self-confidence actually is and then I’m going to share with you 5 tips to improve your self-confidence…
Confidence comes from a Latin word fidere’ which means “to trust”; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self.
I invite you to answer the following questions in your journal:
Do you trust yourself?
If you were looking at yourself through someone else’s eyes and you saw yourself in a room full of people, would you bet on yourself to step up to achieve the goal – whatever that may be relevant to you?
Why or why not?
As with most things I teach, improving your self-confidence involves changing your mindset! Here are 5 tips to implement into your life to dramatically improve your self-confidence.
1. Keep your promises to yourself
Listen, stop flaking on yourself! Would you break promises to the people you love dearly? If so, then I invite you to work on your character and values as a human being Seriously though, how many times have you promised yourself something and then broke that promise?
Perhaps you promised yourself you would walk for an hour a day 5 days a week. Yet after one successful week, you start making excuses not to go, you say yes to other people’s needs before your own so you run out of time to walk… sound familiar? This also has to do with self-sabotage. For more about self-sabotage and how to stop, read this.
The questions we need to ask ourselves are:
Why do I break promises to myself?
Do I feel worthy enough to not let myself down and follow up with my self-made promises?
If not, why not?
What is the difference between making a promise to someone I love and care about and making one to myself?
Are the promises you’re making to yourself too unrealistic?
It’s all too easy to put a whole load of pressure on ourselves. The kind of expectations and pressure that we wouldn’t dream of putting on anyone else. High achievers, I see you! I’m all about aiming high and pushing ourselves outside of those safe comfort zones, but we need to get real with ourselves… Is what we’re promising we’ll do, actually doable?
For example – have you promised yourself that you’re going to go to the gym 6 days a week, knowing for well that that’s a lot to ask when you haven’t even stepped foot in one for over a year?
Have you promised yourself that you’re not going to eat sugar ever again because Davina McCall’s says it’s the best thing she’s ever done? …
No sugar again… really? What about when your Mum bakes her famous scones or your friend suggest coffee and cake at your fave place…?
See where I’m going with this…? Make promises to yourself that you have a strong desire for, make sure they are doable and stick to them. Show up for yourself. Don’t let yourself down.
2. Follow your envy
Wanting something you haven’t got is rooted in your DNA. But envy and the yucky, heavy feelings associated with it, doesn’t have to be all bad. In fact, envy is a good thing because underneath the layers of envy is a desire for something. And if you desire something then you’re more than capable of achieving it for yourself, otherwise you wouldn’t desire it!
Ask yourself why do you feel envious? What would having the thing mean to you in your life? When you get to the root cause of your envy, you can start to make changes in your life now to create the outcome you want.
For example; are you envious of someone’s money? Why? Is it because they have more freedom in their life? How can you create more freedom in your life now as you work towards your dreams?
Most things that we strive towards are always a FEELING we want, not a thing.
3. Get out of victim mode
Time for some tough love… wallowing in self-pity and throwing a never-ending pity party for yourself isn’t the answer… For anything… Apart from maybe attracting other pitiful people to your pity party!
Life throws some seriously hard, painful sh*t at us sometimes, I know! But it’s how we react to these things and what we choose to do next is what matters. And I fully believe that everything bad that happens to you happens for a reason. The Universe doesn’t assign you anything that you can’t handle.
Been trapped in a relationship that was more domestic violence than love and kindness? What can you learn from that? How can you become a better, stronger person from that experience? Can you help others who are going through what you went through? What life skill or character-building have you evolved into from going through that?
As harsh as this sounds, and I say this in the most loving way possible;
“What good is it feeling sorry for yourself?”
“What good is it wishing it hadn’t happened to you?”
None… no good. Only more pain and suffering. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Take your power back. Get help. Decide to move on and grow from whatever life throws at you.
4. Failure is feedback
Failure is all about your perspective. Do you see failure as negative? I don’t. I see it as how I can improve next time. I see it as a test to my dedication and grit as to how much I want it. I see it as how I can grow and be better and do better.
Your perception is either your prison or your power.
Choose for it to be your power. Decide to see failure as a positive. My smart 8-year-old niece Evie, said to me last year;
“F – first
A – attempt
I – in
L – learning”
Take a leaf out of her book.
5. Chase your goals but be flexible with the how
When going after your goals, affirm that anything is possible. All you need is a fierce desire, grit, determination and belief. As a soul living a human experience, there’s no difference between you and Richard Branson. All he and many other successful people did, was follow his heart and let nothing get in his way.
What’s in your heart? What’s your secret dream?
The Law of attraction states (read this after reading my article!) that whatever you want is available to you.
It is the Law of Attraction which uses the power of the mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. In basic terms, all thoughts turn into things eventually.
If you focus on negative doom and gloom you will remain under that cloud. If you focus on positive thoughts and have goals that you aim to achieve you will find a way to achieve them with massive action.
When we understand how this works life becomes so much more fun! We know that we can create and achieve whatever we desire! To understand this more read the book ‘Ask and It Is Given’ by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
The important factor I want to mention here is that when you’re chasing your goals, don’t get caught up with the ‘how’. Because when you want something and you take action to get it, people, places and things will come into your life to make it happen.
If you’re so focused on the exact way you think the money, partner, car etc will come to you, you’ll be missing the opportunities that come into your life that will take you to where you want to go.
So take whatever action feels right, stay open with your heart and mind, be flexible, get excited, follow your heart, practice patience and enjoy the ride!
If you’d like help with your self-confidence or achieving your goals – please reach out to me. I offer a free coaching call where we explore the different options to work together and to see if we’re a good fit. You’ll also walk away from the call with some action steps you can put into place straight away to see immediate results.
Click the button below. 🙂