“Please only use my initials if you post any of this – MBD and please do not use my picture.  I am just not there yet. But I know my story is important, real and can be powerful and connecting for others to hear.

I have struggled my entire life with my body image. Always feeling like I had failed in having the body that I was supposed to have – If only I tried harder, worked harder, was more disciplined, cared about myself more, stayed steady in my diet and exercise, I would have a different body; one that was attractive, fit, healthy. But instead I felt I was weak, gluttonous, lazy, incompetent. I simultaneously struggled with deeply understanding the cultural conditioning of the beauty industry in Western Culture.

I had spent years studying and knowing the brainwashing of beauty standards and the diet industry and how untrue and unhelpful these standards were but I couldn’t quite fully believe that I was beautiful, and attractive, enough as I was. The conditioning runs so deep. My family ascribes to them. I was judged regularly by them and I felt I was judged by others around me – which kept me from truly loving myself. So, I would yo-yo back and forth in telling myself that I was fine, then feeling deep shame to then beating myself up and getting on another regimen to change my body – sometimes it would change, sometimes it wouldn’t – it would always be all-consuming – thinking about what I was eating, how I was moving, what I weighed, obsessively – taking time away from truly connecting with people, feeling present in my body and actually enjoying my life

– and when I got to that magic place of physical “arrival” (as best as I could as my body really never could totally be what I wanted it to be), I would surrender to my hunger, to rest, to play and my body, of course, would rapidly change back to its previous self. Or sometimes even larger. And then the cycle would start again – shame, beating myself into submission, promises of a new path, a new diet a new regimen, being obsessed, and over and over again I would fall into this trap – all the while feeling incredible shame for being in this cycle at all. I have known so deeply on every level except for within myself that this cultural conditioning is wrong, it is not honouring the 4D truth about the beauty of human diversity.

Previous I had tried everything… diets, exercise, beating myself into submission, begging, pleading, praying, anger, self-hate, research, immersion in other people’s work of healing themselves.

All I knew is that I wanted deeply to be able to share my story and struggle. I knew I needed to be truly seen – there was so much shame in my experience as a therapist that I hadn’t yet arrived in my full body love and self-love that I didn’t allow myself to really do the work of sitting down with myself and my feelings and my real experience. I thought I could intellectualize myself out of my struggle. But I had to do the work – so a part of me by the time I found you knew this. I had just had a year of working my butt off to get a different body and then found the weight jumping back on so quickly when my strength to wrestle my body into submission was no longer there. I was so exhausted and fed up with this cycle.  44 years worth!  So, I was ready to find a different way. I was deeply attracted to your story. The wisdom and love that you had in your podcast episodes was what drew me in. As a therapist, I kept on looking for cracks and

wrong information in the information you presented and I could never find any. You always said what I knew, deeply knew, what was true and right but couldn’t get there on my own – alas I had never really done the internal work because it felt way too vulnerable.  But you were vulnerable. You were real. You had been through hell and back several times and then found yourself to this work, to this path of authentically loving yourself. It gave me hope.  And then when I first communicated with you, you were so incredibly present and real. I did not feel like a commodity to you. You immediately held loving and open space. You dedicated time to get to know me. You didn’t just throw your program at me and take my money. You really really seemed to love me. In a way that I had always craved to be seen.  It was and has been truly an incredible healing experience from the moment I reached out to you. You are the real deal.

Now I feel I am in total food freedom. I eat what I want when I want which actually has created such a healthier relationship with food – I am no longer judging what I eat and so I no longer feel frantic about what I eat. I used to constantly do a cost/benefit analysis of my food – I ate french fries, now I need to move this way or eat this way or why did I eat that or god I feel so full and gross. And now it’s just food. And this relationship with food now allows me to eat whatever I want without that battle. This actually makes me be more attuned to what I actually want and need vs. what I should or shouldn’t be eating and the internal struggle that used to constantly cause.

I am still working on body love – this runs so deep.  I have good stretches of time honouring my body and then I fall back into old patterns – particular when I am stressed. But I now have tools and access to loving support (YOU!) and more openness and honesty with myself which is allowing me to speak up, and ask for help – so the strangle of shame is less powerful.

I still live in this culture where our bodies are objects and there are true benefits for meeting the standards and other people are still seeped in Western Beauty and Health standards.  So, it is not easy to live every moment in body love. But I am getting there. I see a path forward. I am listening to my body more in regards to loving movement that feels good, rather than a punishment or a means to an end. I am wearing clothes that feel comfortable. I am strengthening my sexual realtionship wtih myself so that I surrender to pleasure rather than constantly objectifying my body. I am working to honour my body for all the years it has been with me, obliging to whatever angry new regimen I forced it to participate in. I am working to be kind and compassionate and surrender to my true nature and self as just part of human diversity. Worthy and loveable exactly as I am.

I would absolutely recommend you to help others with food and body struggles! No question. For all the reasons I previously mentioned. You are real. You have navigated these same challenges yourself. You have lived the ins and outs of each aspect of the program you have created – considering every little thought, experience, challenge and revelation!  And then in person, beyond the modules, either 1;1 or in the group coaching calls or via DM, you truly meet the person where they are at. Hold them in that tender place, cry with them, laugh with them, see their true beauty and help them with your wise questions, curiosity and skill to look deeply into their own experience to find connection to their own life force and innate worthiness.”