Victoria Kleinsman (00:00.419)
Hello queens, how are you doing today? Welcome back to the Body Love Binge. If you noticed like a slight breeze, it’s because I have a fan on because it’s so freaking hot. And this is a little bit of a spontaneous episode, like the one I’ve also released recently called How the Fuck to Actually Surrender. That was very spontaneous. This one was planned. However, the time I was going to record it was not meant to be now.

I do like to brush my hair and put a bit of makeup on, not because I don’t like who I am without makeup on like right now, but because I just feel like I’m making, and again, this is patriarchy most likely, but I feel like ready and like I’m being professional and making an effort to record when I kind of get ready, do my makeup, do something with my hair. But my husband just made the pram.

into a push chair because she’s grown now so she can sit up by herself and he was like, let me test it out. I’m going to go for a walk with her and I was like, okay, perfect opportunity for me to record this Q and A. So that’s what we’re doing. And again, the questions that I’m going to be reading are from the queens from my group coaching. I always answer every single question personally every month and we have two coaching calls a month as well. So if you want your question answered guaranteed every single month and coaching by me twice a month.

then come and join the Body Love Binge group. Okay, let me bring my questions up. How do you just do the actions when those actions push you out of your window of tolerance, aka your panic zone, not your stretch zone, making you feel insane like you could snap 24 seven? Okay, so when I talk about going all in and just doing it and taking the action, going all in isn’t a behaviour, it’s not something you can measure.

Going all in is how you show up inside internally and your actions, but it’s all about you and what is manageable for you. Now, I talk about the three different zones, right? You have your comfort zone, your stretch zone, and your panic zone. If you’re taking or attempting to take action and it’s putting you in your panic zone, it’s not going to work.

Victoria Kleinsman (02:23.914)
long term because you need to extend extend and make your comfort zone bigger. And we do that by being in our stretch zone, which will feel uncomfortable. It will feel scary. But you stretch if it’s in your panic zone, it almost re traumatises you. And then it makes your comfort zone actually even smaller. So that’s why it is in it crucial to be working with someone as you are in a group environment. And that’s not a free pass.

to do fuck all, I know that you won’t take it as a free pass to do fuck all, but sometimes some people can be like, oh, it’s hard, it’s giving me anxiety, it’s stressing me, so therefore I’m just gonna stay in my comfort zone. No, you go from your panic zone to your stretch zone. So just wanted to speak to that first. So you can expand your tolerance gently. So.

If everything that you’re doing or attempting to do is constantly pushing you into complete dysregulation and overwhelm, rein it back and take smaller steps. However, these small steps need to be in your stretch zone. They need to be done with repetition and consistency. So it’s not weakness to slow the pace. It’s actually strategic, depending on the individual. So give yourself some grace, be nice to yourself. I know this is hard for you, but practise being nice to yourself, my love.

It is a practice, but keep doing that. That is a number one thing. And as you’re practising, being nice to yourself and reminding yourself what you actually want and why you’re in recovery, why you’re doing this thing in the first place, start to take small, but like I said, I’m repeating myself now because it’s crucial, repetition and consistency. So this may look like, let’s say, a nice idea of all in, of course, would be to just…

completely follow your mental and physical hunger, eat unrestrictedly for the rest of your life, do no exercise if you currently have an addiction to exercise, and then you’ll recover. But let’s say that literally overwhelms, panics you, and puts you in your panic zone, not your stretch zone. What would be your stretch zone? Would it be, and again, is an ideal, well, it is ideal for the individual. What I’m saying is anything you do that is still abiding and appeasing the eating disorder,

Victoria Kleinsman (04:40.428)
will keep you in recovery longer. But here’s the thing, it’s better to be in recovery longer and actually recover than keep trying to go all in in the context of like doing everything in terms of looking at the behaviour and the action that you’re doing and actually not get anywhere. You know what I’m saying? So a small step for you might be, let’s say you’re facing a fear food, this is just completely made up. Let’s say it’s eating pizza and chocolate in the same day. And let’s say that’s an absolute panic for you then.

choose one thing, so choose half a pizza or a square of chocolate, start there and keep building. The important thing is you need to keep building on the small steps that you are taking, okay? All right then, thank you for your question, lovely. Questions, so I think I’m gonna speak to, they kind of are similar, but I’m gonna speak to each one individually. So the first question is, how do I know if intuitive eating is actually impulsive eating?

If I eat something just because I fancy it, especially without physical hunger, am I being impulsive? Isn’t this against gentle nutrition? Now, this is the problem with intuitive eating guidelines. They’re very rule-y. Whereas for me, I know you’ve heard me speak about this before, I replace the word intuitive eating with intuition eating because intuition eating for me just feels right. And this includes eating for pleasure.

This includes eating something just because I fancy it. Because I want to live a life where I eat something just because I fancy it. I don’t want to be like, oh, what is my hunger scale on a scale of one to 10? Am I eating emotionally? Shall I call a friend instead of having the chocolate? Fuck no, because I want the chocolate for the pure pleasure of tasting the chocolate. That is okay. So there’s nothing impulsive about it. It’s just choosing pleasure and that is okay. You have full permission.

to eat for pleasure just because. And if you want to nourish your body with all the goodness of like vegetables and fruits and fibres, you can do that as well as just eating the thing just because you fancy it, okay? The second question, can you talk about eating things out of habit, like the same food at the exact same time each week? Checking in with my body every single time feels exhausting and like it can turn into a hunger and fullness diet. Yes, that’s exactly what is happening. I’ve actually done.

Victoria Kleinsman (07:07.178)
a podcast ages ago called, I think the title was, This is Why I Am Not an Intuitive Eating Coach. Specifically because when people come to me and they’ve had or tried to in the past control their food or are controlling their food, whatever it is, if they’ve tried to fuck with their food from a place of control in order to manipulate their body or get a sense of control and safety, then any kind of intuitive eating guidelines will turn into a hunger and fullness diet.

Anything that is done with a state of restriction and fear will turn into a diet, which will gain more restriction and fear. So dieting or restriction isn’t an action, it’s a state of mind. So intuitive eating is a state of mind. So if you have a restrictive mind, that will also be turned into a diet. So get rid of intuitive eating, instead replace it with intuition eating and just eat what feels right.

Tune into your body if it feels good, don’t if it doesn’t feel good. Your body will give you feedback anyway. As long as you’re connecting with yourself throughout the day, how do you feel emotionally? Are you hot? Are you cold? Like, do you need the toilet? I know it sounds a bit ridiculous, but just check in with yourself. Get to know yourself and your body as a whole holistic being. And your body is always feeding back to you and you’ll hear it. And it’s also okay if your body’s feeding back to you, hey, I wouldn’t have that.

fifth slice of chocolate fudge cake, because we’re probably gonna feel a bit sick. It’s okay if you still decide to have it anyway. Your body knows how to handle it. It’s no biggie. It’s just food, okay? So talking to your question about habit, what’s wrong with habit? There’s nothing wrong with eating. I mean, as humans, we’re creatures of habit. That’s what we are. We create habits. Otherwise, it’s exhausting if we’re not having something.

happen, things happen habitually throughout the day that our unconscious mind takes on automatically, that’s why we’re habit, human beings, they serve us. So if you have a habit that doesn’t serve you anymore, then you simply change the habit. It’s okay to eat the same food. The only reason it’s not okay is if it’s based in fear and attachment to that ritual or that structure or routine because

Victoria Kleinsman (09:24.494)
as I think it was the Buddha, the very wise Buddha that says, anything that we are attached to creates suffering, attachment is suffering. That’s when I invite you to change it. So there’s nothing wrong with having the same thing if it’s based in choice and freedom and not restriction and fear. So the third question, I had a smaller dinner because I knew I’d have cake later as a group and I didn’t want to be too full.

Is it wrong to eat less of a more nutritious meal to make room for cake? Absolutely not wrong. I do the same. If I’ve got loads of chocolate bars at home and I’ve got a few new ones that I’m excited to try and I know I’m gonna want them tonight because of the excitement of the new flavour, because intuitive eating, let me rephrase that, intuition eating, freedom eating, happens in the moment. So you can’t know for certain what you’re gonna want, how much you’re gonna want, and what you’re not gonna want.

in the future, it happens in the moment. So it’s absolutely okay to make room for something that you want to have mentally but want to have room for physically to enjoy the cake when you go out. It’s absolutely fine, my love. Full permission to just allow yourself to have pleasure and eat just because. That’s part of the pleasure of life. That’s the part of pleasure of having taste buds. It is okay.

So thank you for your questions, lovely. How do I know when I’m recovered? And then what do I do next? this is a great question. So of course you’re looking ahead. You wanted to know what the markers of true recovery are and then how to navigate life after reaching that point. It’s very exciting actually, that question, because let me just uncross my legs. What to do next is entirely up to you.

I’m kind of answering this question backwards, but that’s fine. I want to answer it this way. So when you recovered, and I’ll go into how you know in a moment, when you recovered, there’s so much space for anything you want to create in life. And the good news is, excuse me, did a little bit. The good news is all the characteristics that you’ve used to support you into full recovery, into freedom.

Victoria Kleinsman (11:40.288)
is exactly all the characteristics you need to then create a life that you, I don’t want to sound cringy, that’s why I edited myself, to create the life of your dreams. Meaning, if someone had told me eight years ago, Victoria, you’d be, first of all, living in a different country in the Netherlands, having your own business, earning more money in this business than you ever thought possible, no matter who you worked for in the past, creating the hours you want to work.

Living a life of financial freedom, time freedom, what the fuck? Like sometimes I have to pinch myself. don’t actually, but it’s a saying as you know, to just remind myself that this is real. One of my mantras after recovery as I was creating my business and my business has evolved as I’ve evolved is life gets to be this good. Cause my nervous system did not feel safe having my life being this good. So just a little bit of a tangent there on like you get to literally create.

whatever you want. So when you’re recovered, you will have space in your mind for things other than thinking about food in your body. And with that space, you then get to create what it is you want. So what I would invite you to do is write down or brainstorm or journal or write a letter to your current self from your future self, whatever resonates with you most.

what you want, what your deepest desire is about the life you want to create. Let it come through. You might not know what that is yet, which I guess is why you’re asking the question. You don’t have to know exactly what to do next now. All you have to do is enjoy your life, follow your joy, and follow the breadcrumbs that life offers you, because life will offer you breadcrumbs. And you follow the breadcrumbs, then you get a loaf, then you get a bakery, but you have to follow the breadcrumbs.

Now, the breadcrumbs will be obvious to you, so you can’t miss them. And it’s okay if you choose not to follow them, that’s also supposed to happen. But what I’m saying is, when you recover, and again, I’m gonna go into exactly how you know when you recovered, there’s so much space to create. And so I can’t answer specifically what you’re gonna do next. Follow your heart, follow your intuition, think big, dream big. The only difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.

Victoria Kleinsman (14:03.791)
and the belief that it’s gonna happen because it can. I am living proof of that. I would never in a million years thought I’d be where I am now in terms of how I feel about myself, my body, my life, my business, having a freaking child that I never ever wanted. It’s the best thing that’s happened. Like trust that life is gonna take you on the journey that you’ve come here to experience. Let your feelings, your intuition be your GPS, your Google Maps for life. So, okay, recovery.

signs that you are recovered. Physically, you’ll have, well, your body will be in homeostasis, you’ll feel like you’ve got good energy, you’ll just feel well and healthy in your body. Your digestion will be on, say on point, digestion will just be what it is. You won’t be having any issues around that. Physically, your body will just work well, you know, as it’s supposed to. You won’t have any of the symptoms of the edema.

and the constant exhaustion and the aches and pains. mean, yeah, we get older, of course we have aches and pains, but you just feel well. Mentally and emotionally, you’ll feel free. You’ll have mental and emotional freedom. You’ll have physical freedom to eat whatever the fuck it is you want without any worry about weight gain or control or anything like that. So all in all, you will feel and experience freedom.

You’re not thinking about food in your body most of the time. I say most of the time, not all the time, because when you’ve just recovered, you might have a few fleeting moments of, wouldn’t it be nice if I was thinner? Same as, wouldn’t it be nice if I won the lottery? well. You will have those fleeting moments I did to begin with. And sometimes since giving birth, my body’s changed. And I’ve had a few, very, very few moments where I’ve been like,

Wouldn’t it be nice if my clothes fit me like they used to? But they don’t. well, it’s a preference doesn’t affect you emotionally. A preference is simply a preference. doesn’t bring any negativity into your life. It’s just like a, nevermind. So you’re not constantly thinking about food and body. Hunger and fullness is very intuitive. It’s very easy. It’s non-controllable.

Victoria Kleinsman (16:25.098)
It’s not micromanaging anything. Eating gets to be easy. You have the cake, the brownie, the pizza just because you fancy it. You choose a salad because you fancy a salad. Again, restriction isn’t an action, it’s a state of mind and energy. yeah, the food just comes off the pedestal as well. Sometimes the downside of recovery can be that food no longer has that charge anymore. So sometimes food can be a bit boring.

And you might find your recovered self searching for the high that food used to give you from previous restriction and then eating and it’s not there anymore. And that stuck to me a little bit, but there’s so much more that’s worth that little cost in recovery. What else? Did I write down anything else? You’ll feel expansive. You’ll want to open yourself up to new and deeper relationships, new experiences.

Don’t always just only involve food and exercise. Recovery is the foundation of the rest of your life. It’s not the finish line. So I love that question. Thank you for asking it. Okay, so next question. Does the eating disorder head noise get louder again, deeper into recovery, but in a different way? Now it’s not just the eating disorder. It’s me arguing back, sometimes letting the ED win, sometimes compromising, sometimes saying a hard no.

Well, whatever you focus on, you get more of. So I’m all for arguing back as long as the part of you that’s arguing back is stronger and will win. And then the arguing will just dissipate because the other part of you will think there’s no point in arguing. The reason I say that is because what you focus on, you get more of whatever you resist persists. So definitely reframe arguing probably

If it helps, do it, and I probably am certain that I’ve suggested that at some point because it works for some people and it actually can be a very powerful part of your mindset and recovery. What I would recommend though is to dismiss and move your attention. There’s a key thing you said here, and I’ll speak to the specific answer of does it get louder deeper into recovery, because you’re saying that sometimes you let the eating disorder win. Why?

Victoria Kleinsman (18:48.648)
Why are you letting the eating disorder win in any moment? If you want full recovery and full freedom, doing anything that eating disorder says for you to do, you’re prolonging it, you’re stringing it along, you’re not actually offering yourself full freedom. So why are you doing that? Basically, that’s the start. What can happen is things can get worse before it gets better.

when something knows it’s going to die as a part of the eating disorder that knows it’s no longer needed. And it knows that because of all the work you’ve done in recovery so far, it knows that you’re ready to fully let it go. It can get louder because it gets worse before it gets better. That can definitely be a thing. It’s part of the process. Recovery is never linear. However, I know that you did ask specifically, is it common for it to get louder?

I’m really wanting to speak to why are you letting the ED win? Why are you even compromising? I guarantee if you don’t let it win and you don’t compromise, you simply dismiss and put your attention to what you do want instead, then the voice will go altogether. I hope that’s helped. And so, how do I make regular eating non-negotiable?

My obstacles are still feeling full from the last meal, no appetite when emotional, and meal prep overwhelm. Well, first of all, my goodness, in terms of meal prep and even recipe planning and even like shopping, making a shopping list, used to overwhelm the hell out of me because it was so linked in my nervous system to previous restriction and planning and all the things. So even when I was free,

and I was doing a shopping list and food planning for the week of complete food freedom eating, I would still have like a nervous system response because it was just linked in my body. So I gave that to my husband, well he wasn’t my husband at the time, but I gave that to Valta. I said, look, I need you to take responsibility for the meal planning and the shopping because I know I’m working on it and I’m not gonna be a slave or a victim to this, but.

Victoria Kleinsman (21:05.898)
It’s giving me like a nervous system response that I’m not okay with and I’m working on it but I need that to be taken away from me so you need to take responsibility for that. That helps, you might not be able to do that, you might not have someone who can do that for you, that’s okay. So I just wanna first and foremost acknowledge that I feel you with meal prep. So to navigate the meal prep, don’t, I mean I don’t know how your life works but make it easy for yourself. So.

You don’t have to do the whole meal prep thing. Can you just allow yourself to buy more convenience food for now? Can you get things like HelloFresh or those type of concepts where you literally, this was exciting for me, this did not bring me anxiety, where I’d go on the website and be like, I want that this week and this and this and this. Yes, it’s more pricey, it’s worth the investment in terms of what it would cost me if I didn’t make the investment in myself with this type of meal service, right?

So I would choose the HelloFresh meals each week and then I would have, let’s say it was tonight, which is a Tuesday. Let’s say I’d have pizza from HelloFresh, homemade pizza. I’d have it tonight and then I’d also have it for lunch the next day. So that’s meal prep done in the moment as I’m cooking my dinner for the evening. I would also have it for lunch the next day. So that took the overwhelm out of it.

I allowed myself to have more convenience food, like going to the shop at work when I was previously working instead of like having to take it with me. So give yourself permission to be flexible and consume more convenience processed food. That is okay. Take the overwhelm away until you stabilise really in your recovery and then you can change the mood, the food prep like I’ve done. It just takes a bit of time. That’s all. And nervous system work and somatic work and all the things.

So that’s what I would say about the meal prep. What else did you say? How do you make regular eating a non-negotiable? Use structure to support you in this. So non-negotiable is a non-negotiable. That’s almost like saying, how can I be fully committed? You just do, you choose to be committed. Remember I talk about being versus doing. You need to be committed in order, another burp, sorry.

Victoria Kleinsman (23:18.094)
You need to be committed in order to take action of the things you say you want. So a non-negotiable is simply that. Doesn’t matter if you feel like it or not. So you said your obstacles are still feeling full from the last meal and no appetite with emotional. Even if you don’t have an appetite, even if you’re full from the last meal, depending on where you are on the stage of your recovery, a non-negotiable is exactly that. You eat anyway.

Now, depending on exactly where you’re at in your stage of recovery, if you’re further along, you don’t have to eat when you’re full. Let’s say you’ve had breakfast and you’re full and it comes to like the time you would have a morning snack and you’re genuinely not hungry, then you don’t have to eat. Whereas if you are underweight for your natural, healthy set point weight, if you’re still feeling very restrictive mentally, you need to eat anyway.

and then you can just tune into intuition eating. So I hope that’s helped. A non-negotiable is a non-negotiable. Take care of yourself. So if you can’t eat or if you have no appetite, that’s different, like you said, you have no appetite when you’re emotional, be kind to yourself and eat anyway. It’s like if you actually need to pee right now, but I said, come on, we’re going on like a five hour road trip, go to the toilet now, because you won’t get chanced along the way, even though you would, but you see where I’m going. You could probably squeeze a pee out, right?

That’s, it doesn’t mean you needed one, but you could still do it. So you don’t have to feel ready. You just have to take the action anyway as a form, as an act of self care for yourself to take care of yourself in your recovery. Anything else I want to say? Remove barriers. So like I said, you don’t have to do the whole batch cooking thing. You can do more simplified convenience meals instead. And also write down why.

Why regular eating matters to you? Why you want it in your life to support you and then it will just connect you to your why as well? Well, those are all the questions I’ve had from the lovely queens in the group. However, I did have a few. Now I’ve got a bit of time. I did have a few from the podcast question form on my Instagram. So I’m going to actually answer those. So.

Victoria Kleinsman (25:39.928)
This lovely lady says, am I still recording? Because I can’t see myself. Let me just check. Yep. She says, can you talk a little bit about your or your clients experiences with negative body image thoughts as it relates to full recovery? So keeping in mind we are humans and live in a diet obsessed culture. Yep. Is it possible to start to like your body as you work towards recovery?

It absolutely is possible, my love, to start to like your body as you work towards recovery. I’m just wondering which bit to answer first. I’ll talk about my experience and my experiences also mirrored with my clients’ experiences. Yes, we live in a fatphobic world. Let’s not deny that truth. A very sad truth, but it’s true. Everywhere we look, it’s fat is bad, thin is good.

that is attractive, that is unattractive, all the bullshit, conditioning, that is not true. We get to create a new truism for us, but we have to act that way first. And this is the hardest part. So I started with, in my recovery, complete body acceptance and neutrality. So I gained weight in recovery and I did not like it. I hated it.

I hated it so much, I almost wanted to just go back and prefer living in an eating disorder, even though I know I didn’t because I continued. That’s why I’m still here in full recovery now. It was worth it. But I’m emphasising this because it was one of the hardest, it was, it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done is recover and be in a bigger body than what I’ve always been used to. And now I love myself as a whole person. And do I like, I love my body.

I like my body. It doesn’t mean I look in the mirror and like, I like the way my body looks. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. The point is it doesn’t matter anymore. When you disconnect or detach your worth and happiness from your body size and what your body looks like or what you think your body looks like, because what you think your body looks like is different to what everyone else thinks your body looks like because you see it through the eyes of your conditioning.

Victoria Kleinsman (27:56.16)
and your high expectations and your comparison to your past thinner self, so it’s always different, we decide that everyone sees what we see when we look in the mirror. No, they see what they see and through their conditioning and expectations and all the things. So we can just surrender to that because everyone will see something different. Yes, we have a societal consensus that thinner is more attractive, blah, blah. It’s not, and that is actually slowly changing.

So I guess your question is, is it possible to start to like your body as you work towards full recovery? Full recovery, yes it is, but it’s in a different context. Some people recover in bodies they actually really like the look of aesthetically. Some people like myself recovering bodies where they’re like, mm, would prefer to be thinner, but who the fuck even cares? I’d rather be free.

And some people recover in larger bodies that takes a little bit longer to get to the same place of, well, it is what it is, you know what? Full acceptance and body neutrality means I exist in this body, I prefer it to be different, but it isn’t. And if I did want it to be different, I would therefore have to live with an eating disorder for the rest of my life. Nope, not doing that anymore. So it’s a case of letting go and accepting that. But the natural process is first of all,

reaching that stage, acceptance and neutrality and just being like, it is what it is, because you detach your worth and happiness from your body size. So you can do that. It’s not just a thing to say, you genuinely don’t have an emotional charge in a negative way when you don’t like the way you look. That is, it’s just complete peace and just like, whatever, it’s fucking freedom. And you can get then a natural stage from there. I’ve done a podcast about this ages ago, I think.

two episodes are at the stages of body acceptance and there’s another one somewhere you’ll have to search on my website. In fact if you go on my new sexy website, you go on podcast, you can click on the different categories of body image and then you’ll find it easier and there’s a search bar in there too. You then move to unconditional love and that includes your body. It’s like when you see a photo of someone who you love like your mum or your dad or your child or whatever and you don’t see their body

Victoria Kleinsman (30:13.462)
like as a judgment to look at, you just see them as a whole, you just like, you just feel the love. That’s what you feel towards yourself. It doesn’t mean you like the way your thighs look, you just don’t care. So it does take work to get to this place, but you absolutely fucking can. And that’s where I encourage everyone to get to because otherwise you’re not in true freedom. And then what’s the point? So I hope that answers your question, lovely. So let me remove that one. And then the last one.

she would like to remain anonymous too. So she says, how can you manage living with your partner who is a fitness fanatic cycling and controls their weight during the cycling season by restricting? I find it hard not to be affected by their restrictions with food and exercising every day for at least one hour, sometimes several on the bike. It means me feeling inadequate and I struggle with my own body image when I see how he controls and changes his weight.

I’m two years recovered from bulimia, well fucking done. And this time of year, when this is going on is very challenging for me. I can’t ask him to stop, he loves it. It’s a way of distressing and having fun for him. Yes, that’s really challenging. So I wanna speak to the part that is really hard. You know what, I used to be with partners in the eating disorders, different partners. One in particular, and he wasn’t…

a fitness fanatic, the gym was very important to him. So when I used to get back from the gym, having done an incredibly hard workout, he would just be going out for a run, for example, and I would be fucking fuming that he would then be going out for a run because how dare he go out for a run? That means I need to go out for a run. Even though I’ve literally just got back from the gym and worked my ass off. If he was doing any form of exercise when I wasn’t,

I have this innate need, like I need to do more. And that’s just the eating disorder. So you say you’ve recovered from bulimia, and I’m acknowledging the shit out of you for having done that. And I would still invite you to look at absolute full freedom. Because if you fully recovered, his behaviours wouldn’t affect you anymore. You would be completely free and just leaving him to it. You wouldn’t be affected. For example, my husband,

Victoria Kleinsman (32:37.208)
has given up sugar. Yep, he’s given up sugar. Do I care? No. I kind of feel sorry for him because I feel like he’s missing out, but he generally thinks he isn’t. He’s not doing it from a place of restriction in terms of his weight or anything like that. He’s doing it for his own reason that he thinks sugar’s not good for you and he wants to connect on a deeper spiritual level and it affects his connection there and et cetera, et cetera. I’m just leaving him to his own experience.

He’s nothing to do with me. I mean, he’s my husband, but he’s his own person. So if he’s triggering me, which he isn’t, let’s say I was triggered and I was like, maybe I should give up sugar too. I’m not secure in myself and in my recovery because I am secure in my recovery and know who I want to be and how I want to live. What he’s doing doesn’t affect me. We had lunch the other day, I had an awesome dessert. He didn’t have any.

too bad I think he’s missing out, that’s my opinion. So it doesn’t affect me. So I get that it affects you, lovely, with your partner, like with the exercise, I don’t wanna say an obsession, but that kind of energy behind it is what you’re describing. That exercise stuff and the restriction of the eating. I I want freedom for him. I’m sorry you’re having to experience this, but allow this to be a mirror to you. In fact, journal on this. Invite yourself to…

Journal about why this is still triggering you Because the only reason it’s still triggering you is because you’re not fully fully secure and free in your own recovery And that’s not taking away what you’ve done so far in your recovery journey. Do you see what I mean? So practical tips on how to manage that get clear on the deeper reasons why it’s triggering you and then set boundaries Perhaps say look, I know this is your thing. I’m not gonna stop you because you do you and but I don’t want to hear about

how many calories you’ve burned or how far you’ve gone. Not because I don’t care, but because I need to protect myself. So you can think about setting boundaries to protect yourself and also boundaries away from him. Like take some time away if you need to, like go on a nice slow walk with a picnic, go to the cinema with some friends, like do what you need to do to take care of you. I hope that’s helped. There are all the questions I’ve had from the lovely queens in my group and…

Victoria Kleinsman (34:55.864)
the two ones I had from the podcast form on my Instagram stories. I hope you enjoyed the episode. As always, if you have any questions you would like me to definitely answer, come and join the group coaching. I think I mentioned before, but I’ll mention it again. You can join for the month to try it out. And then if you then want to go ahead and join for the year, you get your refunded month back. So you get money off as you join for the year and get your month back.

If that makes any sense, making it sound a lot more complicated than it is. You basically join for a month for free if you then sign up for the year. You can try it out first. And I guarantee you will answer your question every month. We have two coaching course a month as well. And I’m also in the group here and there answering things and sharing things. I did a beautiful meditation that I just gifted and shared yesterday in the group. And if you do have a question and you’re not in the group, there’s a form on my Instagram.

highlights where it says questions for pod and then you can leave your question. You can choose to be kept anonymous, I can never say that word properly or I can say your name if you want to, you can let me know and I’ll do my best to answer it on an episode like this or in the future or one with Julia, we do a Q &A with Julia as well but my paid group will always get priority as a thank you for them being there and trusting me and extra support for them. Got itchy eye.

and I will see you on the next one. Much love.