Victoria Kleinsman (00:01.1)
Hello loves, welcome back to the Body Love Binge. How are you doing today? So this episode is a little different, but I’m actually gonna be doing this once a month. I’m going to be answering questions that the queens in my group coaching have asked, and I’ll be removing their name for privacy reasons. But I know that the questions that they have, a lot of you will have too, so I thought I would share, and hopefully you’ll get value.

from the questions that I’m answering. If you do want to ask me your personal questions for the podcast, then join my group coaching. So I’m actually gonna be like I say, doing this once a month now, answering your personal questions and then sharing it with the world, but your identity, your name will be removed. And also you can see I have a sleeping baby on me. You can see half of her face. My daughter is on me, but if she wakes up then…

We will continue as we go. Anyway, let’s dive in. So let me bring my question. The question is, I’m freaking out about GLP-1. It’s being available for weight loss everywhere. The pressure to be thin is rising. My husband might take them, his brother already is, and it feels that there’s no excuse anymore not to be thin. I used to dream of something like this when I was in a bigger body.

It feels like diet culture is taking over again and I don’t know how to protect myself. And she also has a second question which ties into the first. And then she says, my husband is now taking GLP-1s. He’s hid them in the fridge. I feel so threatened, alone and isolated, especially when others don’t understand why this is so hard for me. There’s a fly that is not welcome in my space. So first and foremost, my love, you’re not wrong for feeling threatened.

What’s happening is it’s touching your absolute core wound. Everything is a mirror. So the outside world is reflecting back to you what you still have within you to heal. So first and foremost, of course you feel threatened. I’m sure there’s many other people out there that are feeling threatened as well. Also, it’s interesting you said in your question, I know I’ve shortened the question, but you said there’s no excuse anymore to not to be thin.

Victoria Kleinsman (02:21.743)
I mean, if you were on a coaching call with me, I’d be diving into what that actually means. Why do you have to be thin? Why is it there no excuse anymore? It’s okay to be in your natural, authentic body. I know the world mirrors back to you that it’s not okay, but it is okay because here’s the thing. Number one, I validate exactly how you’re feeling because of course you feel threatened. The world is reflecting back towards over and over again that fat is bad, thin is good.

This is the next miracle weight loss drug. Take this, there’s no excuse anymore. It’s all marketing. It’s all to get money, sadly. And it’s all to keep people on the pursuit of weight loss. It’s keeping people far away from true, radical, unconditional self-love and unconditional acceptance, which is, in my opinion, peace and happiness and freedom.

So I would like you to feel your grief, feel your rage, feel the fear of the only one being left in a bigger body because I assume that you’re going to refuse to take these drugs because you’re working on more deeper values. You’re working on things that matter most than just being thin. So it’s not a personal failing that you feel this way. Ask yourself what’s important to you. What are your values?

These people that are taking these weight loss drugs, they’re not improving their body image, they’re just putting a plaster, a bandaid on the problem. They’re not actually developing self-love and self-worth from the inside out, they’re just seeking an external thing to fix how they feel again. So they’re not actually achieving happiness, even though they may seem happy. They won’t long term because again, no matter what we think or what we’re told, being thin won’t make us happy. So get clear on what’s important to you.

What are your values? And do you want to be a woman who is constantly striving for weight loss and who is never happy unless she’s thin? Or do you want to live for something more deeper and more meaningful than that? And with regards to your husband, that’s really hard that he’s taking them and they’re in the fridge. mean, talk about bringing it home, right, literally. Set boundaries if you can. Say, I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to see you do it, I don’t want to see them anywhere.

Victoria Kleinsman (04:46.351)
set boundaries in your environment and boundaries in your conversations and remind yourself that you are in your own lane, your values matter and if you were to pursue weight loss and take these drugs, you’d actually not be continuing in your recovery and self-love journey, you’d just be going backwards and you don’t want that. And the last thing about this, you say you don’t feel heard or seen because people around you don’t understand.

Sadly, that’s because most people are still in diet culture. They’re being sold, they’re victims to this. You are not a victim anymore, you can see it clearly. So in order to stay connected, first of all, connect to yourself. Do not reject yourself in all of this, which is what you have been doing. Don’t reject self, connect to self, connect to little you, and also come and share in the group. Obviously, I know you’ve posted this in the group and you’ve had so much feedback and support.

keep doing that because we get it, you are not alone. Okay? Don’t go back, stay on this path, you have got this. The question is, and again I’ve shortened this from her original question, I’ve slipped into eating my first meal really late again at 6pm after a dental infection threw me off. I’m still getting in four meals, which is great, but I want to go back to eating earlier so I can progress and get proper sleep again.

Any advice to get back on track and not slip again? Well, first of all, I want to acknowledge you for your persistence with the four meals because knowing you, this is a big deal. So I’m celebrating and acknowledging you for that, my love. And your persistence to get back on track, again, acknowledging you for that because you’re here asking the question how to get back eating earlier on in the day. And also with regards to, it’s actually self-care, this question, because you want to get more sleep, you want to eat earlier.

earlier on in the day, so acknowledging you for wanting to take care of yourself. Now, I want to first visit this question with saying, you have done this before. I remember on a coaching call a couple of months ago, you wanted to know how to eat earlier in the day, and I coached you through it, and you started to eat earlier on in the day. So this is evidence that you can indeed do it. So I invite you to do what you did last time and start eating early on in the day. You could set

Victoria Kleinsman (07:08.567)
alarms to remind yourself to eat and have it as a non-negotiable that when your alarm goes off at let’s say nine in the morning or ten in the morning you eat something even if you start off eating something really small like a cereal bar. I mean ideally you eat completely unrestrictedly and you go all in but I know that having spoken to you with your medical, I can’t think of the word, the medical struggles it’s not you’re not able to do that.

So do whatever you can, but make it a non-negotiable. Write it down. Every morning you get up, write it down. It is a non-negotiable that I eat before nine o’clock or before 10 o’clock. And then the only thing left to do then is just take the action anyway. Feel the fear, do it anyway. Be kind to little you who will be having a freak out. Remind yourself why you’re even in recovery. Remind yourself what you want the most. Remind yourself that you did it before and therefore you can absolutely do it again. Okay, so you can.

and I can’t wait to hear you share with me next week that you’ve done it. Her question is, I’m afraid I’ll gain weight again and still be disordered. I’ve lived in a larger body before while bingeing and now I have constant mental hunger again. I don’t want to repeat the past. How can I do it differently this time? So obviously what Julie’s saying is she wants recovery even if it means being in a bigger body, but only if it’s truly freeing. So she’s scared of repeating past patterns.

and she also wants tools for staying grounded, a second question, which ties into, well, it doesn’t tie into it, but I’ll ask the second question in a moment, so I’ll do this one first. So what I would say to this is first and foremost, you’re saying that you have constant mental hunger again. Why are you not following that mental hunger? Because you say you want freedom, right? You say you want freedom, even if it means being in a bigger body, that’s the absolute guarantee you’re going to recover.

If you’re willing to be in a bigger body, you will become free. Now, on the next coaching call, put your name down and the universe, I’m sure, will pick your name for me to coach you through this because bingeing is a reaction to restriction. A bingeing episode is a reaction to mental restriction, physical restriction, past restriction, or impending restriction. So you’re saying that you’ve lived in a bigger body before whilst you were bingeing.

Victoria Kleinsman (09:32.934)
That’s because you were bingeing in reaction to restriction of some kind. Now you say you have constant mental hunger. What’s stopping you from following your mental hunger? The reason that you’re making mental hunger a problem is why you don’t currently feel free. So completely surrender to your mental hunger, follow it, be open to the fact that you will most likely gain weight and we can work through that together in the coaching on how to support you in

in working through that and facing that fear of weight gain as and when it’s happening. But I want to remind you that you are not the same version of you now. You’re not the same version of you that you’re stepping into as you was back then when you were bingeing in reaction to restriction because you weren’t in this program. You’re not doing the deeper work that we do in this program. So I guarantee you will be free, I promise you. But I need you on a coaching call to dive deeper into

why don’t you follow your mental hunger? You surrender completely and follow any mental hunger you have and you will be free. And then we work on the body image stuff from there.

Can you share tips on regulating the nervous system before, during and after challenging the eating disorder? Yes, and I remember, lovely, you asked me this before, and it’s been on my list to do a podcast episode for it for months now. So I’m glad that you’ve asked it again, and here I am. So it’s important not only to do nervous system work before, during and after challenging the eating disorder, but have it as a daily practice. So everyone’s different, but I’ll speak from personal experience.

Some of it can sound a bit like cliche or like I’ve heard it all before, but when I say to you start off with breathing, the old me would have like eye rolled and been like, for God’s sake, how boring, I’ve heard it all before. But the thing is, when your out-breath is intentionally longer than your in-breath, you activate the vagus nerve in your nervous system, which brings you from fight, flight or freeze into rest and digest.

Victoria Kleinsman (11:33.191)
So simply just by being intentional with your breath in the moment, and again, this is before, during and after challenging and easy behaviour, but also throughout the day.

have your out-breath longer than your in-breath and it shows your body it’s safe to relax. So use that as a tool. Can you see that? My baby girl just literally breathed out when I did. It’s, I always forget the words, especially at end of a busy day today. It’s, you know when you yawn and then someone else yawns and someone smiles and then you smile? You like pass it on. So breathing, again, out-breath longer than your in-breath

will not only support yourself, but also the plants, animals, people around you. So it’s a win-win is what I’m saying. So first and foremost, your breath. What I wouldn’t advise is if you’re very anxious, I wouldn’t advise intentional breath work where you’re following a pattern of breathing for four, hold for seven, breathe out for seven, whatever it is. That didn’t help me, it actually made my breath worse because it just made my body even more tense by trying to control my breath. So all I would advise here is,

Allow your out-breath to be longer than your in-breath and give yourself your body full permission to relax. Now that’s just throughout the day, also before, during and after the ED Challenge. As well as that, again, this is throughout the day as well, especially before, during and after the ED Challenge, check in with your physical body. What’s going on? Are your shoulders tight? Is your back tense? Are your hips tense? Is your stomach tense?

What’s going on now as you’re watching or listening to this with your physical body? Feel into your physical body and give yourself full permission to relax whatever tension is showing itself to you now. Because I guarantee you’ll be holding tension in your body without even realising it. So again, a daily practice, set reminders on your phone if you need to throughout the day. Just check in with your physical body. where am I tense? just choose to let it go. That was key for me and still is.

Victoria Kleinsman (13:37.159)
Choose to let it go whenever you notice tension creep up in your physical body. Another thing is meditation, guided meditation especially can help you really relax. So you can go on Insight Timer and type in anything. It’s got a search bar and it’s all free. Self-love meditation or anxiety meditation or whatever it is. And there’s loads of meditations in the modules of the Body Love Binge Program as well. So.

Pick what feels good and just do a meditation three times throughout the day for 10 minutes, morning, noon, and before you go to bed or when you’re in bed. And just get yourself more relaxed over time, over then being in an anxious state. What else for nervous system regulation? Somatic work. So there’s loads of somatic work on YouTube. There’s actually a great program called The Workout Witch. She does a three program bundle called Heal Your Nervous System.

And that’s specific physical, very slow exercises to release stored trauma in the body, which creates an underlying foundation of anxiety. So I definitely recommend checking her out or Googling somatic work to release the stored trauma and tension in the body. Again, this is like a daily, weekly practice. But in the moment specifically, first of all, breathe.

look around you, remind yourself that you are safe in this moment because when you challenge an ED behaviour, your nervous system signals to you danger. You’re not actually in danger. The fear is just making you think that you are. So ground yourself, look around, remind yourself that I’m safe in this moment. When you’re breathing out longer than you’re breathing in, you’re then able to access your prefrontal cortex in your brain and use the mindset work like remind yourself why you’re doing recovery.

Remind yourself why you’re challenging this fear food in the first place. Remind yourself what you want. Talk to yourself with positive mantras and affirmations. I can do this. I can feel the fear and do it anyway. And support yourself in it with mindset after you’ve just brought your nervous system down. And I can’t think of much else, but you can only use your mindset when you’ve brought your nervous system down because you can’t mindset your way out of a trauma response.

Victoria Kleinsman (15:54.897)
You have to do the somatic nervous system healing first, but again, not just as and when. Make it a daily practise. And also, audit your life. Do two columns. What, right down the column on the left, what stresses you in your day-to-day life? And then the column in the right, what relaxes you? And then obviously, I aim to have more activities that relax you day-to-day than what stresses you. And then do an audit of what stresses you. Can you remove them from your life?

So I hope that has helped and then we can go into this on a deeper level specifically for you, my love, in our next coaching call. And the question is, I’ve been diagnosed with osteoporosis and fear I’ll be told to stop running. Running helps my mental health. And then also I eat four Weetabix on gym days and now feel like it’s too much if I’m not exercising, but I enjoy it and feel full. Am I doing something wrong?

Well, first and foremost, let’s address the Weetabix thing. You are not doing anything wrong. You are listening to your body. You enjoy it. You feel full. You feel satisfied. It doesn’t matter what exercise you’re doing or not that day. Enjoy the Weetabix. It’s not too much. Listen to your body. Keep doing what you’re doing. That’s an easy one for that one. And with regards to the osteoporosis, I’m sorry you’ve had that diagnosis, lovely, and I guarantee it’s linked to past restriction.

99.9 % of time it always is, it’s linked to past restriction. So again, sorry you’ve had that diagnosis and your fear is you’ll be told to stop running. You’ve not been told to stop running yet. So you say running helps with your mental health. I’m not saying it doesn’t. Is it all because you’re afraid that you won’t get the mental health support or is the fear linked to?

not being able to exercise in the way you prefer. So I’m curious like what the fear actually is. If it’s only because you already, you won’t have a mental health relief, then I’ll talk about that in a moment. But I feel energetically there’s something else that is like more of an attachment to it that’s perhaps linked to an eating disorder behavior or energy. So I’m just questioning that. If you’re told to stop running, there’s other things that you can do.

Victoria Kleinsman (18:17.118)
You know, I used to love running, you know, it helps my mental health. I love being out in nature, in the woods. And when I was pregnant, I continued running and my boobs were just like, mm-mm, no. So I stopped running because I just felt my body was telling me no. And I wanted to start again, actually, after I gave birth, but my body is also just saying no. actually, in fact, I’m doing no working out or exercise at all.

currently just walking and using my body to take care of my daughter. And I don’t feel like my body’s asking for anything else right now. In fact, doing something else would be not honoring my body at all. So why I’m sharing this is I miss running a lot, but any form of running or jumping or any impactful exercise, my body’s just so not loving it at all. And I do miss it. So you get to grieve that and just be like, that’s sad and feel that.

and focus on what you can do. if you get told you have to stop running, biking is a good exercise for mental health out in the open air and the countryside, et cetera, that is more kinder to your joints. Don’t allow the fear to be like, what if, what if, what if, we’ll cross that bridge, my lovely, if it comes to it. And for now, do a little brainstorm of what other body movements sounds and feels good to you that isn’t

in an attached way that would be better to support your body. And sometimes, you know, we have to live with the consequences of the decisions our past self made. For example, me, my body, God, the amount of exercise I did when I was starving myself, like I’m kind of paying for it now with like pains here and there. And it’s just the way it is. And I’m just taking care of myself the best way possible and accepting that that was part of the

the past me who made those choices and meeting myself with love. Okay, so I hope that has helped, but you’re doing everything right, especially around the wheat a bit, tune into your body, eat whatever you want to eat, and don’t allow the fear to jump forward into the future, and do a brainstorm of what else can help with your mental health around the exercise. And the question is, you often ask what would love do?

Victoria Kleinsman (20:38.497)
But sometimes it’s not obvious. It’s not always as simple as doing the opposite of fear. Can you talk more about this? Yes. So it’s more of a feeling, right? So if we look at the root of where something is born or have been created, it’s either love or it’s fear. There’s only one of those two things, right? So, I mean, I would like you to be on a coaching course so I can ask you for an example what you mean here, meaning like it’s not always that obvious.

For me it is obvious because you get connected to yourself and how it feels. So let’s use a made up example. Let’s say you’re facing a fear food, a cookie, and you’re asking yourself what would love do? So you could go two ways here. If you’re in your head, and also if you’re feeling into your body, eating the cookie brings up fear, it brings up panic, which…

actually doesn’t feel loving, right? Which is, assume you kind of go in that route. Whereas if you’re looking at avoiding the cookie, it might feel kinder to yourself to avoid the cookie. However, my question is, what would love do? Or is it born from love or fear? And then what would love do in that moment? So there’s a question that needs to be asked before what would love do? Is this thing born from love or fear? Whatever you’re experiencing, whether it’s a thought, whether it’s an action or a non-action.

Is it born from love or fear? So that cookie example, the fear of not eating the cookie is born from fear because you’re afraid of the calories or the ingredients of the cookie. So that’s born from fear. The opposite to fear is love. In fact, there’s something I want to say around that. Is the opposite from fear to love? I guess, yeah. I mean, I don’t believe in tangible fear. I only believe that love is all that there is because even underneath the fear,

It’s a part of you loving yourself, which is why it’s creating the fear in order to try and protect you from something. So all there is is love anyway. But let’s go with the opposite to fear is love. The opposite to love is fear. So in that moment, what would love do? If you loved yourself so much and you wanted freedom and peace, then you would choose to eat the cookie because in the moment it might not feel loving because you’re in fear. But long term,

Victoria Kleinsman (23:03.586)
The bigger picture, love would encourage you to eat the cookie because you want freedom. So it depends on what your goals are. So what would love do, depending on what your goals are, love would not stop you from your goals. Love doesn’t always look easy. In fact, most of the time, love doesn’t look easy. A lot of tough love is needed sometimes. So what would love do in comparison to your goals? And look at the bigger picture, but first of all, you need to see where something is born from.

And also if you imagine eating the cookie and feeling fear, you only feel fear because you’re in recovery from an eating disorder. If you want to be free around food and then you’re imagining eating a cookie in freedom, that’s love showing you the answer. Does that make sense? So that’s the answer to that one. Another question. Where are we? yeah, also, can you talk about self abandonment? I’ve always been the good listener, the easy one with no needs.

a bit of an emotional mess and want more balanced relationships but it feels impossible. Ooh, there’s lots here, okay. So, self abandonment, it sounds like you’ve asked that because you’re abandoning yourself because you’re putting your needs last and you’re putting the needs of others first. So you’re a good listener, you’re putting their needs first, what they need and you’re abandoning yourself. Yeah, because you’ve always been the easy one with no needs.

That’s not true. You’ve always had needs. You’ve always had needs, but you’ve chosen not to meet your needs because I assume in the past during childhood, of course you also had needs, but your needs weren’t met. So over time as a baby and as a child, if your needs aren’t met, we just get used to being like, my needs aren’t important. So don’t worry about mine. Your needs are important, not mine, because you’ve just been trained to believe that your needs aren’t important.

The thing is, you’re saying you have no needs. You do have needs, you’re just not expressing them because you’re not used to them being met. First and foremost, you meet your own needs first, and then you can ask for others to help you have your needs met. you say you’re an emotional mess and you want more balanced relationships. It feels impossible, it is impossible if you’re trying to gain balanced relationship from the version of you that you are now, the version of you that’s reacting in response to.

Victoria Kleinsman (25:25.998)
your past trauma of your needs not being met. So first and foremost, the first thing is to practise tuning into yourself and actually getting clear on what are your needs. Allow yourself to communicate them with yourself. What are your needs right now in each moment? Write them down, speak them out loud to yourself and then you get to honour those needs or at least do your best to meet those needs. So do you need…

to say no to somebody and put yourself first for an early night. Do that. Do you need to actually stop the conversation because it’s triggering and do something else? Do that. It’s gonna be uncomfortable by the way. But sadly your needs were not met as a child. The only person who can meet all of your needs in the best way possible is the adult version of you. The mature version of you that will feel uncomfortable to be

because you’ve not been taught how to be that mature adult you, but you get to be her now by meeting little you, little you’s needs and the current needs that you have, that you need in the version of you are that you are today, if that makes sense. So first and foremost, meet your own needs. Listen to other people, but are you listening to other people at the detriment of yourself? At what cost are you being the nice person? There’s an episode that may have come out.

think this has already come out. When I’ve released this, I think it will already be out. It’s called I disappoint people every day. I talk about people pleasing in there and how to put your needs first. So go and listen to that if you haven’t already. But yeah, it’s just an old trauma response that feels impossible to build balanced relationships on because it is unless you change. So again, practice what would love do. Love would have your needs met first.

Self-abandonment was protection. So honor the role that it once played, but it’s not serving you anymore. Practice self-expression, practice naming your needs out loud, practice taking care of what your needs are and meeting your own needs, and then start asking for help. There’s a big part of you, for many of us, that doesn’t ask for help when we really need it because it feels safer to just do it ourselves.

Victoria Kleinsman (27:40.164)
But actually if you want connecting relationships, we have to be vulnerable and ask for help. That is not a weakness, it’s actually a strength. Let me know if that’s helped.

All right, love, so they were all of the questions that I had this month. Let me know if you like these Q &A type episodes. And like I said, if you do want your question answered, then come into my group coaching. You can actually join and try out for a month. And so if you come and try out for a month and you want to then stay for the year, which I’m almost certain you will, you get the month back.

that you’ve paid so you get a refund for the month when you sign up for the year. Worst case scenario, you’ll sign up for a month, lose 140 euros, which you won’t lose because there’s so much fucking value in there, even in a month it’s insane, at least you’ll know if it’s for you or not. I want to guarantee it’s for everybody who’s feeling called to try out for the month. You get your money back if you sign up for the year. Worst case scenario, you just spent 140 euros and you’ve got a shit ton of value and you decide it’s not for you.

So come and check it out. I’ll answer your direct questions. We have two coaching calls in there a month. You’ll have access to the Body Love Binge program, the Body Love Bite, my extra resources program. It will take you like a year to go through all the content. There’s so much value in there. And you get daily support from the other incredible women in the group. And of course, direct access to me in there as well. So I wish you the most beautiful day, evening, morning, whatever, wherever you are in the world. And yeah, I’ll see you on the next one. Much love.