Victoria Kleinsman (00:00.29)
Hello to those watching the replay.

I do have my daughter’s slobber. Who cares? hello, Suzy. Welcome.

Those of you that are new to this hot seat coaching, how we roll is if you would like your chance to be coached and you pop your name in the chat. Hey, Susie. Yeah, Susie’s found the chat. If you would like to be coached, pop your name in the chat or just say yes. And then I will write you on the name picker and spin the wheel and we’ll see who it’s going to be to be coached today.

Victoria Kleinsman (00:45.464)
So let’s see if you’d like to be coached, Suzy, or the potential to be coached, just pop your name in the chat. We’ll say yes. Same with those others that are joining.

Victoria Kleinsman (00:57.39)
I’m just gonna have a sip of my hot chocolate while it’s waiting.

Victoria Kleinsman (01:07.254)
Suze is typing so I assume you want your name down so we pop you in there.

that’s fine, you just want to listen today, of course.

How do I say, is it Shiera? That’s a nice name. Would you like coaching? I can’t coach myself. Well, she’s gone. OK. Well, we are just on time, Susie. So we’ll wait a little bit and then. Is usually busier than this, so let’s see how we get on. If not, you can feel free to type me questions, Susie, and I’ll answer that way if you don’t want to chat on camera.

Yes, quite a few people joining so.

We shall see.

Victoria Kleinsman (02:00.034)
To be fair, what day is it? Thursday.

Where are you from, Suzie? What country are you from? Or where do you live?

Victoria Kleinsman (02:18.932)
London, nice. London City or London around London area?

curious.

Victoria Kleinsman (02:33.57)
Central London, nice, I do love London. I don’t know if I could live there. Very busy. But there’s some great food places in London. So many food places. Okay, awesome, so we have a few more queens joining. Yeah, so those of you that are new to this, if you would like the opportunity to be coached, if you pop your name down in the chat, the chat is here. I’ve just posted a message saying here.

and then I’ll pop your name down on the wheel spinner and we’ll see who it is gonna be to be coached today.

Marina, let me pop you down.

Victoria Kleinsman (03:17.55)
Keyboard’s playing up Marina.

Who else would like coaching? Otherwise, it’s a no-brainer, Marina. Carrie?

Thank you, Kerry. Hello, nice to see you with your video on by the way. I know Susie wants to just watch and listen. Maybe Kara also. Do you want coaching or the potential to be coach Kara before we see who it’s going to be?

Victoria Kleinsman (03:52.11)
And if not, we’ll let the University side who if it’s going to be Marina or Kerry today.

Okay, nothing’s happening from Kara, so let me, you can see me do it. Spinning the wheel.

Victoria Kleinsman (04:06.37)
And my dog’s with me if you can hear some noise from anywhere. Ooh!

That’s so close. It’s Kerry.

Yay, how can I help you today, Kerry? What’s your question? OK, so I went into recovery just under three years ago. I have weight restored to a healthy BMI. But I know I’m

probably not where my, I should be. I’m stuck basically. I’m totally stuck because I’m scared to go further with the weight gain. yeah. And so I’m literally just every day just trotting along. And I, I, you know, as I see it, I eat a good amount now, but I know it’s probably still not enough and I don’t think my body’s where it needs to be.

I just don’t know how to get over that and move forwards basically. Okay, it’s very common to be where you’re at. So, weight restored in air quotes because you’re at the BMI bracket, but you know intuitively and through your behaviours and how you feel around food that you’re not free internally yet. And freedom is free with the game. So, if you were to gain more weight, why would that not be okay?

Victoria Kleinsman (05:45.678)
it goes back to family as I think as you know, lot of it is boils down to but my mum is always dieted, yo-yo’d, struggled with her weight. My dad is very slim and has the the ideal of what a woman should look like and it is not

somebody who’s in a larger body. And so I find that quite tricky. Also, my mom’s mom, so my grandma was obese, and my cousin was morbidly obese and has had a gastric band and is clearly now in a smaller body. my family, I’m…

worried that I will end up in the size body my cousin was in, which was morbidly obese. Basically. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for being honest. And obviously, that’s your main fear. And there’s also fear of judgment from your dad, all those ways as well. So let’s address the root fear. Do you know if your cousin, one that you’re afraid of coming or ending up like, do you know if she was

we had a healthy relationship with food and with ourselves. Do you know much about her? No, she’s had disordered eating all her life. Yeah. And so because I often get asked actually, what about people who are in very, very large bodies? Like, how does food freedom fit into them? I say, food freedom always fits. And we don’t know what’s going on with people in very, large bodies. Like, are they actually listening to their body? Are they trying to restrict and then bingeing and emotionally eating?

been shown to the police, there’s so many layers to all of it. So this is helpful that you know that she had a disordered relationship with food, or has had. Because that just shows your fear, it’s a little bit of reassurance that if that happens, or if it doesn’t, it’s probably unlikely if you can feel it with any of your children because that means a relationship with yourself, with your body, and with food. Okay, yeah.

Victoria Kleinsman (08:09.102)
I don’t mean obviously eating healthfully unless that’s what you want. mean free, nourishing, pleasurable, those kind of things. Yeah, I think for me, I just still, I’m still just so fearful of, yeah, I’m so, God, I’m in so much a better place than I was. mean, everything, so much has improved. You know, my hair has got thicker.

My sleep has improved, you know, my strength and my power has come back because obviously I’ve done a lot of exercise and I play netball and that is really my strength and my power has come back. So there’s so many positives that’s happened. But I’m just scared that if I keep going that I’m going to lose the speed in my netball, you know, and not be able to play to that degree.

And just that extra, yeah, I do struggle with aesthetics, obviously as well, when I’ve been literally underweight my entire life, entire life, you know, I mean, I think it officially started at 17 and I’m in full three weeks on 51. But looking back now, because I’ve watched a lot of your stuff and other people’s stuff, I think it was probably started younger than that.

Yeah, I just I just can’t you know, I just remember my cousin I did speak to my cousin who’s in the bigger body and she said to me, we all used to hear your dad saying to you, don’t eat that Kerry, you’re gonna get fat, you can’t have that you’re gonna get fat, know, at Christmas times and stuff. So it was never a surprise to any of us that you was gonna be where you’re at. And I actually have said when some of the you know, sessions I’ve had with the

NHS, I never I’m not sure I could ever be free until they’re not here, which is a horrible thing to say, because I love them. You know, a lot and my dad’s actually really supportive and he’s for years and years he kept saying to me, I just want you to put some weight on for years. And now I’m in the position where I’ve got the weight on. He’s really happy I’ve got the weight on. He’s not judging me for having the weight on. But I just know that if I go bigger still.

Victoria Kleinsman (10:34.476)
that judgment will be there, it just will. Do you think that if your parents had different opinions around you, let’s say they had no opinions negatively towards who the body’s awaiting, do you think you would still feel stuck? I think I find it easier, definitely find it easier. And I’m going to reflect something back to you and this is the same, it goes for all of us, and it’s just it was helpful for me to hear it this way.

So you’re saying you’re just turned 51, right? Happy belated birthday, by the way, because did it recently. And what we do, so you’re 51 and you’re still wanting the approval and validation from your mom and dad, from the grown-up women. I know, yeah. And I get it, we all do, because ultimately we’re all children in adult bodies until we do this deep healing inner work and then mature emotionally.

So if you could just close your eyes for a minute and allow a younger version of you to show herself to you, the one that’s afraid, how old is she, this version of you?

Probably about 12 actually. About 12. And so keep your eyes closed, I’ll keep my eyes closed with you. If you could ask her anything, what would you ask her?

go.

Victoria Kleinsman (12:01.688)
What would I ask her?

Where do you want to, what do you want out of life? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be basically?

Yeah, to be happy. To be happy. And so now she gets to ask you a question because she sees you as the adult you. What does she ask you?

Victoria Kleinsman (12:33.006)
probably what’s going to make me happy. Yes. And what’s your response to her?

Victoria Kleinsman (12:41.742)
probably just not be aware of that at the minute.

That’s okay, just breathe through it. You’ve got my dog coming to give you some kiss of a hug. It’s next to me, so just breathe through it.

just to just to not have my head where it is and not have the thought processes going forwards and back every single day and self doubt and just not have all the pressure on myself all the time. Yes. So if you can write this 12 year old through a blueprint, you know what a blueprint is?

like a sort of a photographic picture. A blueprint, like a step-by-step guide. So let’s say this 12-year-old you is going to follow this step-by-step guide that is going to be written by you in terms of how she’s going to think about herself and her worth, how she’s going to show up in the world. But she was following that to the T because her question to you was how can I be happy, want to be happy? How do I do that? And you’re giving her this step-by-step blueprint. If she were to follow that,

she would then be, hey, what would you say for her to do that’s different to what you’re probably doing and how you’re now given because a 12 year old you is completely doing it for you.

Victoria Kleinsman (14:04.47)
I’d definitely say to not worry about what other people think, because that’s what I do all the time. I’d tell her to do what I want her to do, not what I think I should do. Most definitely. And I’d probably say, just to stop. Stop. I’m tired. Yes. And how is she going to do those things? Well, she can. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, it would just literally just it just case of me just literally just I know just let go. But it’s so tricky to let go when everyone around you seems to not be letting go. You know, it seems everybody’s. Yes. That’s the problem. You know, there’s the problem if you allow it to be a problem. I don’t want to take that away from you. The challenge is because it is because everybody you don’t

want to say come on being good today is everyone. Instead of waiting for the world to fall in love with itself, because it only do that if we fall in love with ourselves individually first. And it is a challenge in today’s society, especially people everywhere and people are talking about all this politics, that’s actually not happening with anyone at all. You get to choose to be an inspiration.

Well, we want you now. And you will be afraid. Of course you will.

But you won’t be afraid to eat it. Yeah, I’m just literally just so it’s like one day I’m like, now I need to eat more and then the next day I’m just petrified. You know, and I think it is because everybody I know is exercising, not eating this, not eating that. And you can’t be, you know, and, you know, people said, I don’t know anybody who eats what they want to eat when they want to eat it. And it’s like,

Victoria Kleinsman (16:11.414)
Right, okay, you know, it’s like the norm to not eat, which is ridiculous. is, but do you want, think of 12 year old you, do you want her to just be the norm? Yeah, I’m so fed up with being where I’m at. It’s really hard work.

That’s a good place to be completely totally fucking done with where you’re at, because what is the foundation to change? That’s where I got to. I was like, you know what? I’m saying what I said to myself, not because it’s where I’m at now, course, I’ve got the language I would use now, but this is what I said to myself. was like, you know what? I’m going to get fat and just learn how to be okay with that. Fuck it. That was my… And I didn’t know how I’d be okay with it, Kerry. I did not have a clue how to be okay with it. And obviously I say the word fat.

Then I was saying that in a fear-based, fudgy, descriptive way, but now it’s just, I mean, what does that even mean? Everyone’s perception is different. And as I did gain weight, and I hated it, there was something in me that just kept saying, just keep going because what I’m gaining as well as weight, and you’ve already shared that you’ve gained as well as weight, more on to your own network, like you’re actually living now, but you’re putting weight into recovery.

Write down, so obviously a bit of homework for you, take time to write down what else would you gain in life as well as perhaps more weight? Yeah, I think the biggest thing is going to be my brain, just not thinking about my body and not thinking about food because that’s driving me nuts. Not thinking about moving, it drives me nuts. And I just want to be, I think the biggest thing, I just want to be at peace. I just want to be.

existing and enjoying what I’m doing rather than thinking about all those things basically that’s the biggest thing and I don’t think people can understand it like my husband’s got a great relationship with food he just literally eats and then doesn’t eat and then he eats if he’s hungry and he says to me but I don’t eat what I want when I I don’t just like eat and I’m like but you do actually you know but you know when you’re full and when you’re not full and when you know he’s got such a normal natural relationship with food

Victoria Kleinsman (18:32.422)
And he’s not scrawny. He’s grown as I’ve known, we’ve been married like 26 years. like, he’s grown in size. And I don’t have a problem with that. And he’s not got to put, said to me, when I’ve said about, you know, again, he said to me, I loved you when you was like, where I was at, which was very small. And he said, so why is it going to matter if you’re big? He said, it’s not going to make any difference. And he says he prefers me how I’m at now.

which I find, I get why, because I’m definitely better than I was. I mean, I was in a very bad place. So, you know, I had to go into daycare because I was basically told I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t go to work, et cetera. So I’ve come a long way and I know I have, but there’s days where I, it’s, yeah, it’s so tough still. But I know I can’t go back. I can’t.

blessing and displeasure, you can’t do it like any other. Here’s what I know about you, Kerry, from this short poem together, and you will go forward. You will. It’s just some inner work to do. So get clear on if you were talking to Claudia or June, and those three things you’ve shared, to stop giving a shit what anyone else thought of you, to just stop and not go, and just what was the other one to say? To speak what’s on your mind, or maybe don’t? I’ve forgotten already.

My brain’s, yeah, because, yeah, it was, I said, yeah, not give a shit, not bother about my, what people think and what they say. I can’t remember now. Probably just- Yeah, the moment I just stopped to just like stop all the- Yeah, to stop. That was it, just to stop and just be. Yes. So you’re going to write down how you slash her slash your her and she is you.

how you’re going to do that in your life now. Unless it’s going to be hard, you can do hard things, you’ve done hard things, you’ve faced so many fears, that’s the point where you are now, you can continue facing them until you have no left around food and body anymore. You really can. Yeah. Part of me just feels I can because what I’ve done, yeah, I mean, was where I was. mean, you know, from where I’m at now.

Victoria Kleinsman (20:58.486)
I don’t think unless you’ve been there people can actually know what you can survive on and you know what you can be afraid of. It’s mental, absolutely ridiculous. For so long, to be honest, I don’t know how I’m here. So it’s now I’m where I’m at, I can see it, but I still just, it’s, yeah, is just still a challenge.

It doesn’t have to be. An extra bit of homework, and you can watch this back, you’re not going to remember everything I’ve given you up to this point, is to write a letter of gratitude to yourself and how far you’ve come. Write a few bits of homework that will then watch it back so you know what they are, but write a letter of gratitude to yourself and how far you’ve come.

you do and then ask in the support group like yes, the world sadly was in the diet culture victims diet culture. Don’t surround yourself only with those people come show yourself more in the group. Yeah, I think that’s the thing I think that most people I know are with or, you know, people that exercise eat healthy and have got their own body image issues. And that’s

doesn’t sort of help really, then it’s, it’s tricky. Yeah. And even the people at work, everybody’s on, I mean, weight loss jabs. So that doesn’t help either. You know, you just, doesn’t. You get to live your life regardless of what other people are doing. Remind yourself of the power. Yeah. My husband keeps saying that. He keeps saying, forget what other people are doing.

Don’t worry about them. Just worry about yourself. Yeah, and I know the weight loss drugs, just, they cannot, they’re so bad. I mean, yeah. So you’re saying that’s whole thing. There’s so many downsides and negatives and yeah, that’s not doing that podcast episode. Think of 12 year old you don’t let go down. Make the changes that you know you can make because you’re so done with where you’re at and allow yourself to live in total mental.

Victoria Kleinsman (23:16.15)
and physical freedom, not just better than you were. Yeah, that’s where I’m at. I’m better than I was. But I’m a million times better, but not better. Yeah. So keep going till you get better and keep showing up to these. Keep watching the replays. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do watch a lot of the podcasts and things like that, but it’s just a case of me stepping forwards again, rather than backwards, basically. Step forward because you can.

and I believe in you and 12 year old you waiting for you to step forward for her. Yes, yeah, yeah, yes. Well, thank you for sharing your questions. You would have helped other people as well. You know what we think. We’re struggling too. So thank you for being here and. Very much much appreciated. Much love. Thank you. Bye, Carrie.

And thank you everyone for joining. I know Marina, I know you did a sad face. I’m missing anything else in the chat. Is anyone else? I’m hearing an echo too. It’s very annoying Marina. I don’t know what’s going on with my audio. So show up next time when the universe will pick you Marina and anyone else who wants coping. And I’ll just wait to see what you say before or you’re welcome. And I’ll see you in the group. We’ll be here next month. Much love. Bye everybody.