Answering a listeners question today:
“How do you get rid of eating disorder thoughts? Can you talk about how to live a normal day? Because for me it’s all about burning calories. And I do not know what to think about if I don’t do this if you understand? Maybe I want to relax and watch a movie or speak to a friend. But I feel like I should move and walk around and do housework instead.“
Can you talk about how to live a normal day?
You can live a normal day when you’ve gone through the cluster fuck of fear that appears before you when you choose recovery.
You can fully recover from an eating disorder by rewiring your fear of weight gain and eating disorder thoughts, changing your nervous system via bioplasticity, healing your inner child and doing body image work.
It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but every step is worth it. You get to know yourself on a level that you’d never have thought possible and your life is so enriched in a way that it wouldn’t be if you hadn’t had an eating disorder in the first place.
Because for me it’s all about burning calories. And I do not know what to think about if I don’t do this if you understand?
Of course, your current thoughts are consumed by burning calories… because your brain is currently wired with an eating disorder. And your brain directs automatic thoughts.
The good news is that you can rewire your brain so that you don’t have an eating disorder. And I’m going to take you step by step on how to do that in a moment.
Maybe I want to relax and watch a movie or speak to a friend. But I feel like I should move and walk around and do housework instead.
The same applies here, YOU want to relax and watch a movie but the eating disorder is making you feel like you need to move and do chores instead. There are 2 parts at play here… it’s primarily the movement aspect of doing chores instead of relaxing but there’s also an aspect of not feeling worthy of relaxing and enjoying a movie. That’s part of the eating disorder too and actually will most likely be one of the underlying reasons why you developed the eating disorder in the first place…
Because you don’t feel worthy. You don’t feel good enough. And that feeling feels unsafe and so you unconsciously search for a way to numb or change that feeling…
Hello, control and eating disorders!
How to rewire your brain so it doesn't have an eating disorder anymore...
Step 1: be aware of the eating disorder thoughts
You cannot change something that you’re not aware of so noticing when the eating disorder thoughts are there is the first step. If you don’t know anymore which thoughts are yours and which thoughts are the eating disorders then you can do this exercise:
- Close your eyes and feel into your body. Pay attention to the thought that has come into your head. Let’s say that the thought was; “I need to do house chores instead of watching a movie“. How does that FEEL in your body? Does it feel expansive and loving? OR does it feel restrictive, controlling and originated from fear? If it feels like it’s from fear then it’s the eating disorder thought and not yours.
Step 2: Acknowledge that it’s not yours
Any thoughts born from fear are not truly yours. They were created by fear in the creation of the eating disorder because, at some point (and maybe still), the eating disorder served you. It served a purpose. It was perhaps created via your need to control something in order to feel safe as your environment growing up wasn’t stable (think parents divorcing, arguing a lot or moving home regularly).
Maybe it was because you wanted to disappear because your home environment wasn’t safe or you took on the role of “parent” to one or both of your parents or siblings and the pressure was too much.
Maybe it was the pressure to be perfect and that perfection included your body and eating habits and the eating disorder took over from there…
Regardless of why or how the eating disorder was developed doesn’t matter because the process of rewiring your brain is the same either way. It goes without saying that you’ll have to visit your past trauma and heal your inner child by being there for her, meeting her needs and re-parenting her. This is all part of eating disorder recovery but today we’re talking specifically about brain rewiring.
Step 3: Welcome it
I know that sounds ridiculous but hear me out…
“Whatever you resist persists”
And so if you fight the eating disorder thoughts then they’ll get stronger. It’s like that old tale about the boy asking the man about the 2 wolves…
two-wolves-cherokee-storyDownload
And so if you’re constantly feeding the eating disorder thoughts by arguing with it, fighting against it and giving it all your energy, it will get stronger and you’ll be fucking exhausted. Sound familiar?
And so instead, you need to welcome it.
“I see you eating disorder thought. I know that once you were serving me and I’ve done what you’ve suggested over and over again for X amount of years until now it feels like a command I can’t ignore… so no wonder you’re offering me this thought again. Thank you but I don’t need you anymore. I’m doing things different around here from now on. I’m choosing to heal and to be free. Thanks but no thanks”
Step 4: Reframe the eating disorder thought to one that serves you (use facts)
This is where you get to choose what thought to think. This is where you get to create a thought that supports your goals. I am assuming your goals are to live in food freedom and body love. To be fully free around food and in your body without micromanaging yourself and your life. To be free from the constant daily hell and anxiety hell hole…?
This might look like this:
“If I follow your command then I’ll make you even stronger. Even though it will feel good to do what you say, I know that I will only be reinforcing you and inviting you to keep coming for the rest of my life. I don’t want that. I want to be free. And so I AM going to choose to watch a movie instead of do chores because that what I ultimately want to do. ME the one who is taking back control. The more I do this the weaker you’ll get. I know you were there for me for so long but we’ve outgrown each other now. It’s time to move on.“
Step 5: Do the exact opposite
Yes, now comes the action part which is THE most IMPORTANT part!
“You can’t recover from an eating disorder by acting like a person with an eating disorder.”
Tabitha Farrar
AND what are you going to be met with immediately?…
FEAR!
There’s our old friend fear. But here’s the thing about fear… it can’t hurt you but the eating disorder can. Fear is just a very real feeling but when you face fear, you’re automatically in courage. Your state of being has gone from fearful to courageous.
Don’t get me wrong… it won’t feel nice but it doesn’t feel that great living with an eating disorder, right?
You feel the fear and do it anyway because fear is the ONLY thing blocking you from where you are and where you want to be. And guess what…
You can do hard shit! You can feel the fear and still take the opposite action of what the eating disorder wants you to do. You can and you will. Step by step with every eating disorder thought that comes into your brain, you can do the opposite.
And by doing the opposite you’ll be training your brain to eventually only give you thoughts that serve you… aka non-eating disorder thoughts.
“You train your brain VIA your BEHAVIOURS”
And so ACT like a person who hasn’t got an eating disorder even with the fear that is present and with all the other work (inner child healing, trauma release, body image and self-love work), you will fully recover on a level deeper than only changing your behaviours.
My REAL recovery roadmap encompasses exactly those things.
Step 6: Repeat
Consistency and repetition. Yes, even when it’s hard. I know it’s hard. That’s why support is extremely helpful in recovery.
Positive self-talk:
“I CAN do this. On the other side of fear lies freedom. I’ve not met anyone who has recovered and regrets it. One step at a time. One day at a time. The more I do this, the easier it will get.
Step 7: Be kind to yourself as you feel the emotions that come up
You’ll be experiencing a fuck ton of emotions as you go through this journey. A mixture of fear, liberation, anxiety, joy, overwhelm, peace, panic… alllll of it. Embrace all the emotions and feel them.
Be gentle with yourself as you may be truly feeling for the first time. When you experience difficult times and trauma, your head invites you to go hang out in there as it’s safer than being in your body. If you’re IN your body, you feel emotions on a visual level. If you’re in your head, you suppress most of the feelings and don’t actually truly feel them.
So work with a professional if possible to support you through actually feeling your feelings in a safe and grounded way.
I know it's hard but it's worth it
I know personally how hard this can be as when you rewire your brain, your whole brain and nervous system will fight against the change. This is because your brain focuses primarily on survival and so if you’re still alive then it thinks whatever you did yesterday must be fine and safe and so why not repeat the same thing today and tomorrow? and so on…
Anything new to the brain that is uncomfortable and is the opposite of what you have been doing for X amount of years is deemed unsafe. Be ready for your brain to send you signals of resistance and create feelings of fear, shame, disgust and such like.
When you’ve repeated a new behaviour with the steps I’ve shared above about 10 times consistently then the brain starts to learn and be ok with changing to what YOU want… remember you are not your brain.
This coupled with nervous system regulation work, inner child healing and body image work is the path to full recovery and freedom from any eating disorder thoughts.
YOU CAN DO THIS, I believe in you!
If you’d like support through this, take a look at how I can support you here.
