Victoria Kleinsman (00:01.134)
Hello there my queens, how are you doing today? Actually this is a unplanned episode recording because I’m actually waiting for a guest to join to record a podcast episode but she’s not here. I don’t know what’s happened so anyway I thought I’d make use of my time because my time is very valuable as is yours but definitely now I have a baby and I’m juggling work.

I say work, I don’t really see coaching as work, I love it too much to call it that. But juggling a full time business with a young child and sleep and all the things. So I thought, you know what, I’m just gonna pull up some notes that I started typing months ago now and record this episode so I have one in the bag, so to say. So, the episode title, I think it’s gonna be I Disappoint People Every Day. Yeah, it’s gonna be that.

Because I do. I disappoint people every day. Not on purpose, obviously. Not because I’m careless, not because I don’t care. I very much care about a lot of people. I love people in general. You can tell, hopefully, anyway, through my content that I deeply care about every single person out there. And I always say this, let me just take a drink. Every single act that we do,

is either an act of love or a cry for love.

So I always understand why someone’s done what they’ve done. So anyway, I digress a little bit in terms of disappointing people. The reason I disappoint people every day is because I’ve chosen to stop abandoning myself in order to make others more comfortable. And this isn’t a confession. A confession is when you feel like you’re doing something wrong. It’s actually a celebration.

Victoria Kleinsman (01:57.326)
because I am a recovering people pleaser. I’m almost there. There’s still a few things here and there where I’m still people pleasing, but I’m aware of it. So awareness is key because with awareness we can then change it. But the thing is, if you’re still trying to make everyone happy, if you’re still trying to be the perfect friend, the perfect mother, the perfect partner, the perfect daughter, the perfect colleague, et cetera, I want to set you free today.

So hopefully this episode will give you permission to do that. I haven’t got my phone with me. God damn it. But there’s a quote by Emma Terrell about people pleasing. And I really want to try and get this right. She says, people pleasing at its core isn’t about being a nice person. It’s about arranging other people’s reactions. No, it’s not. I’m butchering this quote completely.

but what she’s saying is truth bomb but in a fucked up way because I’m butchering the quote. People pleasing at his court, it’s not just because we’re nice people and I’m putting myself in this camp because I’m almost there but it’s an ongoing process but I’ve come so far hence part of this episode as well for me to show you how to get as far as I am and I will continue working on myself in this way and sharing with you as I go. But it’s not just because we’re nice and because we care about people that is a big part of it.

It’s actually because we’re avoiding a feeling we don’t want to feel. So we try and rearrange the reactions of others so we don’t feel a certain way. For example, if I disappointed somebody in the past before I’ve done this work, the feeling in my physical body, in my emotional physical body of feeling like I disappointed someone would be panic. my God, like absolute panic and terror.

That’s not a healthy response to disappointing somebody like panic and terror and that’s linked to childhood of course like my biggest fear was disappointing my mom. So I ask you if you think if you think that you’ve disappointed someone or if you think that you’ve made someone upset or you’ve pissed someone off or whatever it is or you’ve inconvenienced someone how does that feel in your physical body and then compare it

Victoria Kleinsman (04:24.182)
to what you consider a healthy person’s response to be if they’ve disappointed another adult and then depending on what your reaction is, was, it’s pointing to something that needs to be healed. So people pleasing is a coping mechanism. It’s not a personality trait. You weren’t born being a people pleaser. Brené Brown says fear is…

sorry, perfectionism, because obviously this is all linked to people pleasing perfectionism. Perfectionism is fear dressed up in high heels and a fur coat. It really is. So, go being going back to people pleasing, but I mentioned the word perfect because I used to want to be the perfect friend, the perfect daughter. And I genuinely thought it was because didn’t want to upset anybody and that is, primarily was, is the reason.

But when we say yes to other people, when it’s not a full body yes, we’re saying no to ourselves. So an exercise that you can do each week, this is from the incredible Gabor Matei, is about saying no. So ask yourself these, well I’m gonna ask you these questions now and I want you to reflect on them. So whenever you’re listening to this, think of the past week, the past few days. When have you struggled to say no this past week?

So write these down, like when have you struggled to say no, when actually you’ve wanted to say no, but you’ve said yes instead. You’ve agreed to do something you haven’t got time for or you really don’t want to do. You’ve said yes to intimacy with your partner and you just wasn’t in the mood or you didn’t want to, or it can be anything big or small. When have you not said yes this week when you’ve wanted to, but you’ve actually, no wait, lol.

When have you not said no this week when you’ve wanted to say no, but instead you’ve said yes? The second question is what consequence, what effect has that had on you saying yes when you wanted to say no? What effect has that had on you? Like spiritually, emotionally, physically, maybe you’ve said yes to going out with friends and all you wanted was an early night in, so perhaps it’s left you feeling tired and drained.

Victoria Kleinsman (06:42.83)
Maybe you got sick because you was tired. What implications is it having for you not being able to say no? The third question is, what belief is behind you not being able to say no? For example, my old belief was, if I say no, I will disappoint the person and I will hurt their feelings. And if I hurt their feelings,

It means they won’t like me or it means they won’t see me as a nice person. So actually really it’s always all about you. It was all about me. Like yes, we care first and foremost about others. But if you get into the roots of why you don’t want to upset someone, I mean clearly who wants to upset anybody? remember when you’re saying no to someone else, you’re saying yes to yourself. When you’re saying yes to someone else, you don’t want to do it. You’re saying no to yourself.

So get clear on that. The belief underneath the reason why you think you can’t say no.

And then after that, ask yourself, where did I learn this belief? Because you weren’t born with it.

When you were first born, the first day you were born, you had no problem expressing your needs. You had no problem being authentically you.

Victoria Kleinsman (08:08.642)
You’ve learnt how to wear masks, how to walk on eggshells, how to take responsibility for other people’s emotions, how to put other people’s needs before your own. And the last question here is, where have I not said yes? Because we only have capacity for so much. So when you’ve been saying yes, when you really meant to say no, or when you really wanted to say no,

you’ve lost that space to say yes to yourself. So where have you actually not been saying yes? What things have come into your life this past week where you would have liked to have said yes, but you’ve not been able to? Since becoming a mother, I feel like I’ve honestly gone from having 20 opportunities per month to say yes to things to literally having two opportunities to say yes to things.

just because of the capacity I have right now, like my full presence is going primarily on being a mother to my now seven month old daughter. And secondly to my business. And obviously with my husband that kind of corresponds with my daughter’s first. And then my husband and our family life and then my business, which is a huge part of my life. And then my friends to be honest. So I’m having to prioritize things because I have so much less capacity.

Yeah, and that’s just the way it is. That’s the season of life I’m in at the moment. But it’s really good for me because it’s helping me to be really ruthless with my time, to be really ruthless with who I give my energy to. And that’s not, it’s nothing personal to the people I’m not giving my energy to anymore. I just literally have not got the capacity to give as much as I used to. So going back to my notes then, people pleasing is fear in disguise. It’s fear of being rejected.

It’s fear of being misunderstood. It’s fear of being, fear of not being good enough. The standard wounding for most of us. And many of us, especially women, were taught that being nice, being agreeable, and accommodating makes us lovable. If we’re like a yes man, the saying goes, then we’re no trouble, we’re good girls, everyone likes us. Yeah, we’re…

Victoria Kleinsman (10:28.524)
When we say yes to everything and not ourselves, we think people will like us. And here’s the fact, probably most people would. And when we stop people pleasing, you will disappoint people. But the people you’re disappointing, they get to feel their own disappointment and not die. It’s not your responsibility if they feel disappointed from something you said no to. Their feelings are not your responsibility. So if true love starts with you,

And I always say it always starts within, What is within is without, what is without is within, above, so below. Everything’s a mirror. If you want something outside of you, you first have to give it to yourself first, else whatever you receive outside of you will like go into you and then out an imaginary hole again at the back, unless you’re giving it to yourself first. So if true love,

for yourself started and starts and ends with loving you first, putting your needs first, then how do you think your life would be different? People pleasing is a coping mechanism, like I said, it’s rooted in survival. It’s not a character strength and this is the fucked up thing, people praise people pleasers because…

It’s good for them, like if you’re an overachiever and you overwork yourself and you work for a boss and this boss is praising you because you get all the shit done, you work past hours, you’re organised as fuck, like you’re a high achiever, you’re an overachiever, you get all this stuff done and you’re great at your job. Yeah, great, but to what extent? Like what’s the cost? Are you actually able to switch your mind off when you go to sleep? Do you have a social life?

Your boss in this made up example will love the fact you’re a people pleaser and can’t say no, right? So again, it’s a coping mechanism rooted in survival. It’s not a character strength, even if society reflected back towards that it is. And it keeps you exhausted, disconnected from your truth and resentful. my gosh, resentful under the surface. You cannot be an authentic person. You cannot be an honest person if you are people pleasing. You can’t be.

Victoria Kleinsman (12:48.162)
and it keeps you resentful because the amount of times I’ve said yes to other people and then I’ve felt angry and resentful towards that other person but most importantly I’ve been resentful towards myself for not putting my needs first. So going back to the title of this episode, I disappoint people every day. I did say not on purpose but actually yeah on purpose obviously I’m not wanting them to feel disappointed that’s up to them. You can’t make someone feel disappointed. Something will happen

depending on that person’s view of the world and themselves, they might feel a certain way. And disappointment’s okay to feel. It’s like you can’t make someone angry either. You can’t hurt somebody. They feel how they feel based on the situation that’s happened if you’ve had a part of it, but it’s not you making someone feel a certain way. So I give, like I was saying, I give my baby 90 % of my bandwidth right now. And my husband’s kind of mixed in with him there.

and my business gets the other 10.

Yeah, I would say it was probably like that, maybe 80-20, but it’s basically my baby gets most of me and my business gets the other part of me. So that means I leave a trail of unread messages from friends, unanswered comments on Instagram, for example, and unspoken validations behind me every single day. I do not reply to every text, every WhatsApp. I don’t explain myself to everyone who wants to hear from me.

I don’t, I don’t kind of, how do I even say this? I was struggling the other day because I had so many personal messages to reply to someone. I had so many personal messages to reply to. And I felt this pressure, and yes it’s pressure that I’m putting on myself to reply. And obviously I want to speak to my friends, I want to connect, that’s important. And…

Victoria Kleinsman (14:47.47)
I need to prioritize myself and my needs right now. So I had a conversation with my husband. I was like, I’ve not replied to so and so for like a week or a half or whatever it’s been. And he said, well, just let it go. And I was like, well, you need to coach me through this because I think it’s a people pleasing thing coming up again. But I’m not entirely sure because friendships are important to me. Connections important to me. All the people are important to me. And I need to be most important to me.

And why I’m saying that is because the fact is this particular person or these particular people who I’ve not yet replied to, it’s quite simply they’re not as important to me as I and my daughter are to me. I thought the story I was telling myself was I don’t care about them enough to respond. But that’s not true.

I care about me enough to put my needs first and then that looks like me not actually having capacity all the time to reply to them. Do you see what I mean? So the people pleasing fear in me was like, if I don’t reply to these friends, they’re going to think I don’t care about them because I’m all about taking full responsibility of your actions. I’m all about if you want to make time for something in your life, you will. Like I don’t even say to myself or anybody in a conversation anymore, I don’t have time.

or I’ve not had time, because that’s bullshit. If it’s important enough to me, I will make the time, even with a baby. So, the fact is, I thought the people pleasing fear was, I thought the fact was, are you still with me, because this is a bit of a jumble, I hope it’s making sense, I thought the fact was, I don’t care enough about this person or these people in order to reply. That’s not true, because I’m gonna repeat it again.

I do care enough about these people, but I care more about me and my baby and mine and my baby’s needs first, which just results in me not being able to reply. And the reason for that is because we don’t have our phones when we have our daughter, Koa. I mean, sometimes I break this rule occasionally. If she’s asleep on me, that’s fine, but we don’t want her to see us without phones in our hands all the time. So because she’s with me literally like 22 hours a day, I’m not shitting you.

Victoria Kleinsman (17:03.958)
She sleeps with me. This is all chosen and I’m loving it and I’m very grateful for it but it’s and not but and it’s also a lot. So she’s with my husband when I’m coaching obviously and that’s about it. She’s with me all the rest of the time because I’m still breastfeeding on demand and she sleeps with me and she contact naps on me because we’ve chose to parent that way. You know people say you’re making a rod for your own back, you’re making it hard for yourself. We’ve tried other ways and this just feels right for us so yeah.

Either way, that’s a bit of a digress in parenting, which I didn’t want to go into. But what I’m saying is, because I don’t have the capacity or literally the time to be on my phone, unless I intentionally say to my husband, can you have co-op whilst I go and answer my personal messages, which I do sometimes, I’m not doing it a lot because my daughter’s needs and my needs come first. When she sleeps, I sleep with her. Those types of things. So I’m even justifying myself a little bit now. By the way,

When you send someone a massive fuck-off essay to try to say no to something that they want you to say yes to, you’re over-justifying, which means your people, even though you’re saying no, which is great, you’re still over-justifying everything to try and make yourself feel better and to try and over-explain to the person so they don’t feel sad or mad or angry or disappointed in you. Stop over-explaining, stop justifying everything. No is a complete sentence.

No is a complete sentence. You could say no, thank you or I’m sorry, no, another time or whatever or no, I just don’t have the capacity for that right now. So I know that I probably disappoint people every day because I’m not there for my friends like I used to be. I just can’t be. I’ve even messaged quite a few of my friends and said, look, I don’t have the capacity right now to be the friend I was before I had my daughter.

And it is the way it is and it will change in the future of course because we’re always evolving and growing and so is our daughter. She’s growing her needs will be changing over time over the years. But right now I haven’t got that capacity and I’m okay with that. It’s took a few conversations with my husband and he’s a coach too to sort of coach and reflect back to me and ask me the right questions for me to get clarity on like explained to you a little bit just before as to what was actually going on because all in all

Victoria Kleinsman (19:28.246)
I need to put myself first and that looks like not being able to reply to every message. So, I’m going to stop waffling about my messages right now. But I hope you get the point and I just want you to look at it and to apply it into your life. Like what’s most important to you? And it’s okay if it’s yourself. I want and need it to be yourself. You need to come first. You and any child that is dependent on you. Everyone else can wait and if they can’t wait, then they’re not supposed to be in your life as friends in the first place.

if they don’t understand what season of life that you’re in. And it doesn’t even have to be a season of life. You can do an audit in your life. I invite you to do an audit of your life and write down all the things that are draining you. And this doesn’t necessarily mean a person, although it can be people that are draining you definitely. It can be completely impersonal and not personal to the person at all.

But if you’re replying to a lot of people on your phone and it feels like it’s draining you and it feels like it’s something you have to do, stop doing it. Yes, you will probably lose friends and that’s okay because what I’ve told myself now and my friends, I’m only gonna reply when I feel like I want to and have the capacity to reply. And that might look like weeks and weeks till I reply and that’s okay. If I feel like, I need to reply to those people,

whether it’s not personal, whether it’s just the feeling of needing to be on my phone replying to people, I’m not gonna do it from the energy anymore. Having my daughter has taught me so much about putting my knees first in order for me to then put her knees joint first, well, above mine, to be honest. Her knees come first, but you see what I’m saying here. So, choosing your priorities means letting go of everyone else’s. Choosing your priorities.

means letting go of every fucker else’s. You have to decide what matters to you because if you don’t, everybody else will decide for you. When you say yes to yourself, you will inevitably say no to others. That’s the price of authenticity. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. It absolutely will be uncomfortable when you start to do this. If you want to grow out of people pleasing. Sometimes it’s awkward, not gonna lie.

Victoria Kleinsman (21:48.3)
you’ll get passive aggressive comments, my god, you will get passive aggressive comments, just FYI. You might even lose a few relationships, but what you gain instead, your self respect, your peace, your alignment, your authenticity, and it’s worth it every single time. Because as children, we had to choose between being our authentic selves, but being rejected.

and not accepted as our true authentic selves and therefore losing the connection, the attachment bond with our parent or parents. For example, have you ever been told you’re too much, you’re too loud, you’re too this, you’re too that, or you’re too shy, maybe you’re not enough, or maybe you’re too greedy, or maybe you’re too this, and whatever you are, or maybe don’t cry because you’ll make me upset. Like all these things that were told not on purpose by our parents.

were basically being told throughout the actual words that we can’t be our true selves. That’s not okay. And so in order, excuse me, in order to keep that connection, that attachment bond that we need for survival as children, we don’t be our authentic selves. We choose the second option, which is to be inauthentic, but to keep the attachment bond, which keeps us alive. It’s survival, so survival mechanism. So.

As adults, we are still choosing attachment over authenticity, but we don’t need to be doing that anymore because as adults, we don’t need that attachment for survival. So we need to choose our pain. Everything has a cost, right? I’ve said this many times before. So currently, if you’re a people pleaser and you want to let go of that, you get to choose now between choosing the cost of disappointing people.

choosing the cost of perhaps losing an attachment or a connection with them, but the gain will be being your authentic self, or you can continue choosing to choose the cost of being your inauthentic self, so basically suppressing the shit out of yourself, and then the gain would be trying to get the attachment and the connection. So you get to choose that now. So.

Victoria Kleinsman (24:06.956)
You have to decide what matters to you, as I said, because if you don’t, everyone else will decide for you and then praise you for it. And then the cycle continues. So I’m going to share with you how to start letting go of people pleasing. And I want you to start small. Say no to something that’s low stake. Start small. That’s what I did. Let someone be slightly disappointed without rushing to fix it. Notice the discomfort that comes up and stay.

with the discomfort. Don’t rescue it. Don’t rescue it within yourself and don’t try and make the other person less disappointed or like over respond to saying no by like buying flowers and chocolates and a massive card just to say no to something. For example, don’t over justify it or try and protect them from feeling disappointed. Let your nervous system learn that you are safe even when someone else is disappointed.

even when someone else is displeased. Ask yourself, am I doing this out of love or out of fear? Choose love for yourself every time. And it’s also choosing love for others because if you’re actually saying no to other people and they feel disappointed or displeased, it’s still loving them because at least you’re giving them your true authentic self, which is a no right now.

And that’s the best gift you can give someone, the gift of your authentic self. Honour your energy, set a boundary, rest, say no, make decisions based on what matters to you and your family. Let that be your compass now. I remember a client of mine said to me as throughout our coaching together, she was learning how to set boundaries and take time for herself. And she said something I loved, she said,

A friend messaged me the other day saying, am I free on Friday night? And she replied and she said, yes, I’m free Friday night, but I’m not available. And I was like, boom, because she had a night into herself. So she was being authentic because she wasn’t lying. So the past version of her, and this includes the past version of me, would have made a bullshit excuse up and story up like, oh yeah, no, I’m sorry, I’m not free on Friday night because I’m going here, there and everywhere when you’re not.

Victoria Kleinsman (26:33.89)
All of them being like, yeah, I’m free. I’m not doing anything, but actually I’ve got a date with myself instead. I’m unavailable to do anything else apart from be with myself. So it’s being honest and truthful to yourself and being authentic with other people. What are your top values? If honesty and authenticity is one of them, then this is really calling you right now. So as I said, start small, say no. And also there’s three questions that I want you to ask you before you…

say yes to doing anything with anybody actually. The first question is, will it bring me joy? Will doing this thing, going to this place, doing this thing for somebody, will it bring me joy? The second question is, are they paying me to do it? So if the first answer to will this bring me joy, if that answer is no, ask yourself the second question. Are they paying me if the answer is no? Ask the third question.

Am I going to learn something? If the answer is no, it’s an absolutely a hell no from you. If they are paying you and they’re not bringing you joy and they’re not going to learn something, is the money worth it to you? You know, like you also get to choose within those answers. Sometimes I used to also mock myself, it helps me. So say for example, you want to do something for someone else because you like to help, because you’re a helpful person that cares like me.

But you don’t want to do the thing. So let’s say it’s going to someone’s birthday or taking them to the airport as a lift or whatever. Let’s use the airport as an example. Let’s say they’ve asked you to take to the airport and you’re just like, oh God, like I don’t want to take them to the airport. It’s time out your day. It’s fuel. It’s time to get back from the airport when you drop them off, et cetera, et cetera, right? I’m just checking the time because I’ve just wondered how long my daughter’s been asleep for. Oh, lovely. I was napping with her before this call, which this person’s not showed up to.

So nevermind. And then my husband sneaked into the bedroom. We swapped, so he then lay with her and I’ve come upstairs and I think she’s just woken up. So she’s had a nice long nap. Anyway, what was I even saying? yeah, let’s take the airport trip analogy. Let’s say that I should just take them to the airport and you’re just like, can’t be bothered, don’t want to. I’d be like, right, but I also want to help this person out. So you can ask yourself on a scale of one to 10.

Victoria Kleinsman (28:57.144)
How much do you not want to do this? How much is this going to inconvenience you out of 10? With 10B it’s going to fucking inconvenience me so much I just do not want to do it at all. Scale of 1 to 10. Then you ask yourself the question, how much would it really help this person out out of 10? Now you have to know a few more things here. So for example, if you know, if you say no to this person, they can just quite easily pay for a taxi or an Uber or ask someone else.

then they also have to just sort themselves out because they can. Let’s say if it’s going to inconvenience you a seven out of 10, and how much do they need you to do it? Let’s say it’s a six out of 10, because they’ve got other people and they can just pay for an Uber, then you would choose to say no. If you know this person has no money, although they would because they’re going to the airport, but you know what I’m saying here. If this person has no money, absolutely nobody else takes them to the airport, and they’re going to be really, really stuck.

and let’s say you’ve marked it a seven out of 10 inconvenience for you, but you know that it would help them out like a nine out of 10 and that feels good for you because it will bring you the joy of giving, then you would say yes. You see where I’m going with this? So joy can be the joy in giving as long as it’s giving you more than it’s taking from yourself. That is key. So.

The fear that might come up around this when you’re starting to say no to other people and say yes to yourself instead is what if they judge me? And here’s the truth, they might and probably will judge you. You might be called selfish, cold, flaky, irresponsible or difficult even, but that doesn’t make it true just because they’re having a reaction to you saying no to them. It means you’re no longer bending to fit into their moulds.

You’ve done that, you’re not doing that anymore. And it will ruffle up some people’s feathers because you’re changing, right? People don’t like people to change. It means you’re becoming someone who lives in alignment with yourself instead of living with anxiety, the fear of judging, the fear of people judging you. Some people will not like the new you and that’s okay. But the right people will respect you and you’ll respect yourself even more than you ever done before.

Victoria Kleinsman (31:21.996)
And like I say, you’ll be living in alignment with who you really are, your true authentic self. So my final thoughts here, disappointing others is not a failure. Other people’s emotions, other people’s feelings are not your responsibility unless you have a child who is dependent on you. Your husband, wife, partner’s emotions are not your responsibility. Leave them to their own experience. Yes, help them if they want help. Be kind.

all the things but they’re not your responsibility stop mothering your husband that also goes to me sometimes and you say that too it’s often a sign you’re on the right track if you’re disappointing others actually because you cannot live your truth and please everyone at the same time so choose yourself and choose your truth let them be a little disappointed let them misunderstand you let them judge you let them wait a few days a few weeks for a reply

and keep walking your path unapologetically because you get to decide what matters, you get to live your life and you get to choose you because no one else is going to choose you unless you start choosing you. So let this episode be a full permission slip to say no to other people, to disappoint other people and let this be the courage for you to feel uncomfortable

when you’ve said no to someone and they’ve had a negative response or reaction to that without fixing it or trying to fix it, yes the guilt will be there, I used to feel very guilty when I started working on this but show your nervous system, it’s safe to disappoint other people especially my mother, my god that was the biggest one for me and you can share, would share with my mum, mum listen this is so hard for me.

because I’m working on myself and I’m working on letting go of people pleasing and the co-dependency and all the things. So I’m gonna say no, even though it’s really hard for me and I feel really guilty right now, but I’m working on myself. So you can share as much or as little as you like. That was helpful for me, especially with my mum, because God, the co-dependency ran so deep, it like physically hurt me to know that I was hurting her. But again, I wasn’t hurting her. That’s the old me talking. She was choosing to feel hurt.

Victoria Kleinsman (33:45.166)
through me saying no and that’s on her, it’s not my responsibility. So take it slow, be with yourself through the discomfort that will come up when you start putting yourself first and allow yourself to grow into the true version of who you are. Get clear on who it is you want to be. For me it’s this confident as fuck, aligned as fuck, honest, authentic queen and then ask yourself in a moment of doubt what would she do?

and then go and do that. So I hope that’s been helpful. Go and disappoint people on purpose and sit with a discomfort. Choose yourself. And any questions for the podcast, by the way, can you email them to me, victoria at victoriakleinsman.com. Don’t DM them to me on Instagram. I do have an automated message that goes out on Instagram. Again, that I set up when I stop letting go of people pleasing. I used to reply to all of my DMs on Instagram. I just cannot do that anymore. I have no capacity of time. I’m not prioritizing the time to do that.

If you want to be in my world and have me messaging you one-to-one then you need to invest in yourself I know not that that everyone can do that. So I don’t mean to say that in like a Sassy way, but if you want me in your in your world like that then you need to invest in order to exchange and I have my group coaching which is so ridiculously What word do I want to use it’s such good value for money

It’s a very, in my opinion, a low investment for what you receive in return, is what I’m saying. So you can join for 140 euros a month, if you go to my website. You can join for the year, which is ideal because it’s better value for money and you get an entire year and there’s enough content in there. In my programmes, you get all my programmes to access and you need a year to go through everything, trust me. You’ve got twice monthly group coaching calls.

once monthly Q &A. It’s a very intimate calls groups actually. As I’m speaking this now, which is the 11th of July 2025, there’s probably about maybe 25 people in the group coaching, paid one, and there’s probably only about four to seven people who show up on the live calls. So…

Victoria Kleinsman (36:07.938)
I mean that could change depending on when you’re listening to this. That’s the idea to help more people, which is why I created the group coaching. But what I’m saying and sharing this for is because it’s a very intimate space. So take advantage of that and get closer access to me by joining the group. It’s the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself if you can’t invest in one-to-one, if you’re serious about your recovery. Because we dive into all the inner child stuff, all the trauma stuff, the people pleasing stuff. Yes, the eating disorder recovery, it’s all linked to it. So we go deep is what I’m saying.

And if you’re unable to invest in yourself at all, I want to say unable and unwilling because some people just aren’t willing to sacrifice all the things in their life to invest in themselves, which is part of not feeling worthy to recover in the first place. But it’s essential if you actually want to live a life and thrive and not just survive. But anyway, then there’s my free support group where we have monthly hot seat coaching so you can be coached for free.

If the university decides, put everyone’s name in a name spinner and then I spin the wheel and then whoever name comes up, I coach them. And there’s also all the recordings to all the past hot seat coaching calls in there for free as well. And a beautiful support group which is moderated for your safety. So it’s a nice space to come and get the support. And of course my podcast and Instagram. All right, love, so I will see you next week. Loving you loads and any questions, email me.

Bye.