Speaker 2 (00:01.006)
Hello.

Hello, right, we’re back.

We are.

So welcome to the Body Love Binge.

And fly to freedom! I feel like we need a little flame tune. We’ll to have a think on that.

Speaker 1 (00:18.286)
don’t know on I was doing the fear of weight gain workshop yesterday and I asked for some feedback and it was like silence and I just went diddle diddle. All the English people knew what I was saying and all the others just looked really blank.

Do anyone talk after that?

No, I just moved on. it just made me laugh. I just went…

of the camp, alright?

all these countdown yeah and nobody knew.

Speaker 2 (00:54.062)
Well, if anyone listening is like a musician and wants to create a you know, a little theme tune. Jingles.

think it’s called a A jingle, that’s what they use for like adverts as jingles.

A jingle?

Speaker 2 (01:10.242)
We can have a jingle going on if someone would like to create one for us.

would be quite awesome.

You would. All right, let’s dive in. Shall I go first or shall you go first? I don’t mind.

You started talking first so…

Go first. That’s probably per usual people are saying. Per usual Victoria. Okay, so Rebecca says, I’m becoming so frustrated when I don’t act in line in alignment with my own values, not just with food, but in other life areas too. For example, if I imagine a fully recovered self scenario, like having a croissant and latte before getting my nails done, I can’t do the first step.

Speaker 2 (01:52.184)
then the whole thing feels impossible. It happens daily. I know what I want, but I keep panicking and bailing on myself. It’s driving me insane.

Okay, so what is the fear underneath? said you can’t. The word can’t is instantly slamming the door in your own face. So you can. But what’s the fear? What is it that’s stopping you? Write it down, take it out of your head, because in your head, it just kind of twists and grows and swirls around and just morphs into something.

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (02:34.036)
overwhelming, but write it down and look at the fear and then decide whether you want to follow that fear or whether you want to follow love. But taking it out of your head, I think is incredibly important and looking at what the fear is and not use the language that stops you like can’t.

Yeah, instead say, won’t.

Yeah, because it is a choice. Yeah. You’re not helped.

And then with the, so her example was having a quest, I’m getting a nails done. That’s what her higher self would paraphrasing here, higher self would do. And she talks about values. I would say what for her to write her values down and then ask who she needs to be. If she were the person being the person living in alignment with those values, what is she not being now? So for me, it looked like commitment. So I wasn’t being committed. And then to be committed to

facing fate, you need to be courageous. So then write down when you were last committed in your life and when you were last courageous to give your brain a bit of like, hey, we can be these things. And then for lack of anything else to say, you just have to do it, right? What else can we say around just doing it anyway, even in the fear?

Speaker 1 (03:52.246)
Yeah, because the fear is going to be there, the anxiety is going to be there and you have to allow yourself to feel it. You have to sit in the suck and let those feelings be there and then notice that even though it was horrible and it properly sucked, the world didn’t end. And nothing bad happened.

You’ve acted in alignment with who you say you want to be, which is worth celebrating.

And you got through it because you can do hard things. Yes.

that.

Okay, right. Let me see what questions I have. Okay, let’s go with Sue first of all. How to accept fullness and not constantly associating it with the feeling of dirtiness and the feeling of an empty stomach with feeling clean. Even to the point of a normal bowel movement not being enough, I need to complete clean out to feel clean and thus feeling thinner.

Speaker 2 (04:32.0)
See soon.

Speaker 2 (04:50.862)
Well, she will need it if she keeps telling herself she needs it. So again, language, it’s like, it’s so important. So if we’re saying, need a complete clear out until I feel okay, or whatever it was, then that’s the story she’s telling herself and she will live into that story. And so, again, this goes back to the last question, again, both of them, everything, change the story first. You won’t believe the story to begin with, but…

This is true.

Speaker 2 (05:19.982)
Create a bridging story. So let’s say, you start off by asking yourself, what would the opposite story to that current one be? If that feels too unbelievable, create a bridging story. It might be something like, it’s not that I need a clear out to feel okay, it’s that I think I need a clear out to feel okay. It’s just because I’ve done that in the past and it’s linked to the eating disorder. So therefore, and here comes my answer.

It’s practicing being uncomfortable, which we don’t like to do because we try to avoid discomfort at all costs. Because I’ve been there with me and Sue have a very similar story in terms of like that feeling empty and the laxative abuse. It’s there’s no way around it apart from to practice being really uncomfortable and telling yourself a story that serves you. Like what helped me it sounds so.

factual because it is but when you have a plate of food in front of you and then you eat the food Well this volume of food then goes inside you so you’re not supposed to feel light or supposed to have a flat stomach because you’ve just put this what you need inside of you and So you’re going to feel something inside of you and that’s the point So I tell myself factual things like this is nourishing me. I actually need this

And it’s not true that I can only be okay if I feel empty. And then with exposure therapy over time, I promise you, because I’ve been through it myself, it changes. So now I can do the opposite and have a good meal where I feel full physically and kind of rub my belly as if I’ve got a baby in there and just feel really like, that was like, that just really hit the spot. Like I feel.

emotionally satisfied and physically satisfied and mentally satisfied and I’m full and it feels good. So you can go from being where Sue is to where I am and being like a positive thing to be full.

Speaker 1 (07:21.39)
Absolutely and also you can notice that you can’t notice when somebody else is empty or full.

True, from the outside.

the outside, have, I can look at you now and I have no idea how you’re feeling hunger wise, whether you’re empty, whether you’re full. And also that has nothing to do with whether you’re clean or not. And so none of those thoughts come into my head when I look at you. The only person I can know how they feel physically is me. Yeah.

But what’s true for everybody has to be true for me because I’m not a unicorn.

It’s an internal game always, isn’t it?

Speaker 1 (08:07.554)
Yeah.

internal game, so keep digging, keep acting the opposite of what the fear wants you to do, and you will get there. You will be uncomfortable though.

Yes, but think about the first time you started taking those laxatives. I bet you felt really uncomfortable. I bet it felt really wrong. I bet it actually probably felt really dirty.

yeah, because of the way what happens when you do those

Yeah. What you’re now saying makes you feel clean probably made you feel really dirty to begin with and really uncomfortable. And you practiced it and you practiced it and you practiced it until you turned those feelings on their head and flipped them and created a comfortable clean from the uncomfortable dirty. Yes. You can flip it back.

Speaker 2 (09:02.36)
Yeah, and also she would have kept a story alive, meaning alive of being empty of food in my tummy and bowel means these things. That isn’t true, aren’t true, but it feels true, but you can change all of that consistency.

And so by living that story and repeating it again and again and again, she created it as her reality. So uncreated, do the same thing that she did in reverse.

So she can.

Speaker 2 (09:36.28)
Love that. Right, where’s my next one? I’ve got that many things. I’ve not got a very organised desktop this morning. Here are my questions.

Oh, I’ve got a dog either side and mud everywhere, so don’t worry about it.

Well, Heather says, what is the next step if you are the problem and if you’ve tried everything but don’t put it into place even though you want to? Fear, insecurity, and lack of inner strength drive every choice even though you don’t want it. What’s next? So I will say that Heather, let me find you again. Where are you? Yeah. Heather, I don’t want to say she’s stuck. She feels and thinks and believes she’s stuck.

in this place, and I’m sure many of your clients come to you in the same place too, she wants all these things, she knows what she has to do. I kind of a bit like the first question, but she’s not following through because I know Heather quite well. It’s not her just being like, I can’t and not doing anything. I think anything puts her in a panic zone. Her nervous system’s just in panic with the smallest little thing. So her question is, what does she do with all of that?

With that, if the slightest step starts putting you your panic zone, I would first of all start practicing feeling safe. Start practicing thinking about change and reminding yourself that you’re safe. Reminding yourself that you can have different thoughts and still be safe.

Speaker 2 (11:10.926)
Mmm.

constantly taking time to be present, to come back to your breath. As soon as we’re in the panic zone, our brain is spiralled off somewhere else. We’re not present at all. So noticing what’s around you. Say, I’m thinking about lunch and I can see my phone and I can see two dirty dogs and I can see my reflection and I can hear…

Me.

and you. And I can smell, to be fair, can smell dog. I can smell dog and coffee. using our senses, when we’re using our senses, we cannot help but be in the present moment. So as soon as she starts to feel that overwhelm each time, coming back to the present moment, and even doing something like

Thank

Speaker 1 (12:11.726)
colouring or something that’s creative because creativity switches off anxiety. And so it doesn’t matter if you’re thinking about food or actually taking the action of eating food.

if you’re doing something else and not thinking about the food while you’re eating the food, as it were, if you’re distracting yourself by doing colouring, by stroking a pet, by doing something else that makes you feel safe. So bring in elements of safety to everything to help stop yourself spiralling into this panic zone.

Yeah, that’s great advice and it actually led me to think as you were sharing to spend time visualizing herself. Let’s say she’s at class tonight and she’s a teacher, she’s at school teaching tomorrow and she’s watching herself in her vision, showing up for the class, going for a snack and like watching herself do it before she does it.

And even if it takes her a few weeks to then follow through with the vision, at least she feels safer, a very good point you’re making, huge, because her brain sees it as familiar, even if she’s not done it yet. There are things that…

This is not what athletes do things, they visualise the race over and over and over again. Because our brain doesn’t know whether we’re physically doing it or it’s in our imagination. Exactly.

Speaker 2 (13:43.19)
Yeah, so if she imagines herself, let’s say, eating lunch, for example, at school, and at the same time, she’s showing her nervous system, she’s safe by breathing or grounding or like whatever it is that relaxes her, that’s gonna help her then, and she still will feel fear, obviously. It will help her though to take the action anyway. Now last thing I’ll add, because I know Heather,

and don’t think she’ll mind me sharing this. I know in general in life, especially with a job, she’s so not happy with a job, primarily, and it causes a lot of stress and it takes a lot of time. So I know it’s like a big life thing, but change your life. Change your big life things because I know it’s a huge thing, but what other choice do you have? Like create a life that helps you to feel safe and relaxed. Everything will have a consequence.

Let’s say it’s less money, but what’s more important, less money or less anxiety?

Absolutely. And one last thing I’d just add to that is to have a tactile something, a fidget toy, a sticky bit of rolled up tape or something, something that you can use to use your touch senses as soon as you have any form of anxiety coming up to bring you back to the present. Yeah.

and anchor that into something relaxing so your brain creates a connection of, I feel this and therefore my nervous system starts to relax and ground.

Speaker 1 (15:20.014)
I used to have the crystal in my pocket all the time.

What if you don’t have a pocket though?

necklace.

yeah, you have a beautiful crystal necklace. Indeed, that will help.

which I didn’t bring on this trip because I didn’t want to lose it.

Speaker 2 (15:37.144)
Have you not got it at all with you?

No, but I have got random little crystals around.

I’ve got some behind me, always somewhere. 11.11 in my time, so angel time right now. Just thought I’d notice that, because whenever I see it, I always acknowledge it.

at the same time as you.

of course, yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:59.158)
Okay, so I’m always full. I think this is from, I don’t know, somebody beginning with R. I’m always full and still not hitting my calorie target, stressed about not having enough fruit and veg, no room. And she’s given me the reference of the current calorie goal, which is approximately a third of your basic minimum.

right, so not much at all.

not much at all. So yeah, so she’s always full and still not hitting her target, but she’s stressed about not having enough fruit and veg.

So first of all, what does fruit and veg mean? Are you telling yourself a story that it’s healthy, you need it to have longevity? I mean, I don’t know, I’m kind of guessing here, but why is it so important that she gets fruit and veg? And maybe it’s something to do with digestion. Let’s go along with the health route, because I’m just going to assume that’s what it might be. Yeah. What’s most healthy for you right now is to forget the fruit and veg, because that will come back.

I would assume that.

Speaker 2 (17:09.902)
Take supplements if you’re concerned about not getting the vitamins and minerals and just eat whatever you’re craving. And I don’t know if she’s got cravings because she’s not said, but it sounds like she’s starving, she’s malnourished, she’s in a calorie debt. So if she’s able to connect with not even physical hunger necessarily, because I’ll go into the fullness in a moment, mental hunger, is she thinking about croissants or cookies? Go and eat them and then create a story.

a reassuring story that the fruit and veg will come back because it will, but the most healthiest thing she can do for herself right now is most probably eat a lot of processed foods if that’s what she’s mentally hungry for. So to let go of the fruit and veg story, that’s one thing that’s gonna serve her. I’m always full. Really? Actually always full? Or are you always emotionally discomfort when you have something inside your body?

Because I used to think in recovery, my God, I’m always full, I’m always bloated. But now I know what normal feels like, believe it or not. Part of me is somewhat normal around food and digestion.

I’m not going to

So now I know like I was saying with Sue’s question, like what food actually is supposed to feel like in your body. I was now seeing or back then I was seeing that I was equating to anything inside my body is full, over full, too much, not normal, always full. But actually I just eating food and I felt it inside my body. Doesn’t even mean that I was full. So you need to get used to what having food inside you actually feels like and remind yourself.

Speaker 2 (18:52.256)
it’s normal. So I would actually not argue, but for lack of a better word, argue that she’s not always full, especially because of the number you didn’t share, but let’s say she was on a super high meal plan, maybe she would then physically be always full and that’s a different conversation. So I would just see, you emotionally full and you have problems about the physical feeling of food in you or are you generally full? If you’re genuinely full, so I don’t want to just disregard her experience,

Then eat anyway, because the body will get used to it, the stomach will stretch, the body cares most first and foremost about getting enough food, then it cares about how you feel depending on what and how much food you eat. And then the last part of the question, have I answered everything? Do you think?

Yeah. Yeah. So I had a different experience because I came from, you kind of worked your way through several different eating disorders before when it was recovery. I came from really quite severe restriction. Yeah. And I did really struggle with physically feeling incredibly full almost continuously when I started re-nourishing.

And I get the fruit and veg thing because we’re sold this or you should have at least five a day and they’re really good for you and stuff. But I found that I couldn’t fit in food and these supposedly healthy things that I needed to have.

And because I didn’t have any hunger signals, but I certainly seem to have fullness signals. I really struggled with the feeling full all the time. And you’re, you hit the nail on the head when you said what is healthy in society, but

Speaker 2 (20:37.649)
Interesting.

Speaker 1 (20:54.644)
what is healthy for you may well be different things. And if you are in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder, the things your body needs is not fruit and vegetables. That’s the hardest things for your body to digest. That will not increase your gut motility. It will not help your digestion. The thing that helps your digestion most is actually fat.

Yeah and I’m glad you’ve shared that because most people think it’s only fibre and they just focus on fibre.

Yeah, but fiber’s really hard to digest. And for a digestive system that’s already stressed, you’re making it much harder by having the fruit and vegetables. So because I knew that it was do or die, I had to recover. I hated and really struggled with feeling so full. I decided, right, so

Mm.

Speaker 1 (21:51.948)
volume of food in my stomach is a problem, how can I get as much bang for my buck as I possibly can? How can I have as many calories as possible in the smallest volume? And when I switched to that, when I switched to having peanut butter, butter, cheese, just everything I could find, like I used to just like chop up nuts and

put them in melted Nutella and stuff like that just get as many calories as possible in as smaller volume as food as possible.

And so I could have, I got to a point where I could have a huge amount of calories without feeling like it was going to come out of my eyeballs.

Yeah.

But you also need to get to the feeling of full to signal to your stomach, to signal to your brain that food is plentiful and it can start adjusting.

Speaker 2 (22:55.948)
and your body adapts. And that reminds me when I was in recovery, I would, when I got over the fear of weight gain, which I was still working on, I would rather have had, because feeling anything inside me was like, I think the hardest thing to overcome through any of the eating disorders actually. I would rather choose a thousand calorie milkshake than a 600 calorie salad, that the salad would make me feel really full.

So I even got to the stage where I was so afraid of fullness, just so this person feels understood from me as well, that I would rather have the high calorie one because I wanted to avoid the fullness and now I’m okay with being full. So that’s good if she’s willing to do what she needs to do and have more calories. You can even, I’ve even had clients get tubs of Ben and Jerry’s and melt them and just drink them. Cause that’s a fact.

There is a calorie C. Liquid calories are also really, really helpful.

Yeah, and Oreo’s and things like that. So it’s working on all those things we’ve shared. And also again, exposure therapy, tummy does get used to it. You do understand what fullness means and then your body starts to regulate and all the things.

Yeah. But you need that feeling of fullness to signal to your body that it can start adapting. Yeah. You can get a lot more calories by having a lot denser food. Yeah. Which is going to help you and going to make your recovery a lot quicker. And the idea of it is more scary, but the reality of it is actually simpler.

Speaker 2 (24:15.054)
and it’s a long.

Speaker 2 (24:34.894)
It’s like a fast track to record. It’s like if you’re at Oulton Towers, anyone in the UK will know where that is. And you’ve got the normal queue, which is like two fucking hours or something, and you can go and get a fast track. That’s 30 minutes. Fast track.

Yeah, but it costs you more so you’re paying more calories.

Indeed, love that. where’s mine again? Here we are. The next one is from Emily and Emily says, my mother is extremely fat phobic. Julia, something in common for me too. For years, I believed my worth was based on my body size. I’ve recovered the food piece, amazing, but still seek external validation and approval to feel okay.

How do I start loving and accepting myself without needing external input? It’s so ingrained that I’ll be rejected if I look a certain way. Help.

Okay, I’m sorry you went through that experience. And unfortunately, so many people do. So many of us were brought up to be fatphobic, and we live in a fatphobic society. So it does all come down to you said you wanted to be self compassionate and self accepting. And it all comes down to literally just doing that.

Speaker 1 (26:02.274)
Be it, even though it feels fake and it feels unfamiliar and it feels like you’re lying to yourself.

I’m imagining that even when you get this external validation, you somehow de-validate it.

Is that a word? Is that a made up word like mine?

it could well be invalidate that’s it invalidate it yeah you somehow invalidate it or do you validate it and you I used to do this all the time like oh well they’re just being polite or just kind of yeah invalidating it and so

You get a Victorian.

Speaker 2 (26:36.27)
I’m better.

Speaker 1 (26:54.048)
you’re never going to feel truly accepted just by looking for external validation because you’re not accepting yourself. So it’s treating yourself as though you do accept yourself. It’s using the language, using the words, using the compliments that you would give to other people and the validation that you would give to other people to yourself.

And yeah, it’s gonna feel wrong and it’s gonna feel uncomfortable and it’s gonna feel fake. But if you create, close your eyes and think about the person you want to be. Think about how she speaks to herself, how she acts and write it down and then start doing that. And essentially you’re then rehearsing being that person.

And the more you rehearse, the more you become her.

And then you’re so not acting anymore because you are.

Exactly. And although it feels fake, it’s not because it’s not fake if it’s how you want to be.

Speaker 2 (28:08.235)
Because you’re creating that. And then a few things, you, a quote, if you always rely on other people, the external world to nourish you, you’ll forever go hungry.

And so like you’re saying, nourish yourself, metaphorically speaking, and let’s face the fear together. She has a fear of other people judging her, including her mom. They probably will. I can see my mom look me up and down. I mean, she loves me in the way that she, with everything she has in the way that she knows how to love. But I can see when she’s checking me out in terms of, is she, like, I can just see her looking at me. can feel it I can see her eyes.

And now I’m just like, I literally, don’t actually care whether she thinks I’m fat, thin, whatever, like I don’t care. So it’s not avoiding the fact that people will probably judge you. It’s doing the inner work enough to not, to really not give a shit whether they do or not.

Yeah, because people are going to judge. will judge you on your gender. They will judge you on your size. They will judge you on your age. They will judge you on your finances. People will judge. I used to judge people on their body size. And that came from my deep insecurity. It had nothing to do with the people I was judging. It came from my fears and my insecurities.

Me too.

Speaker 1 (29:42.796)
And that’s all judging is, is somebody projecting their own fears and insecurities. Yes.

That’s it, so if you do the inner work, which I know she’s doing, she’s in my programme and she’s done the food stuff, she’s doing the deeper stuff, it is really, like Julia said, creating who you want to be and then acting as if, and then what happens is two things. Number one, what Julia said, you’ll just be that person and you’ll no longer be acting. And the second thing, let’s say your ideal version of you is someone who is confident, so no matter what body she’s in, she walks with her shoulders back and her heart open.

and she shows up that way in the world, people will respond to you differently because your energy of openness and confidence will be received differently, regardless of your body size. And if you were kind of trying to stay small and not take up too much space and, you know, saying sorry and everything changes, including how people respond to you. People will still judge you, you know, we’re not immune to that, but it won’t come into your energy as much when you…

show up differently. And then there’s inner child work to do, like you started off saying, you’re sorry she had that experience, because there’s a wounded part of you that just wants your mother’s approval, and that for her, it means to look a certain way. So there’s some inner child work and healing to do as well.

Yeah and with I mean dealing with the relationship with your mum I think is one of the hardest ones to deal with. Yes. Because we all want our mum’s approval. I mean I’m 51 and I’d still quite like it you know. But her mum is fatphobic and she is trapped in that

Speaker 2 (31:20.558)
Same. Same.

Speaker 1 (31:33.582)
cage. Yeah. And we can’t free her mum from that cage, only her mum can do that. So rather than feeling like it’s an attack on you, see it that your mum is trapped in her own cage of conditioning. you can be grateful that you no longer have to buy into that bullshit. Yeah.

and you get to have freedom and your mother doesn’t and it’s sad. One last thing, this is really helpful for me, it was anyway, because we have very similar stories with our mothers, both of us, some are like Emily too. I would, I love my mom to pieces, but I would start asking myself when I felt emotionally unstable or emotionally hurt depending on what she said or didn’t say or didn’t validate or did validate, I would be like, would I want to swap lives with my mom?

Would I want to have my mom’s emotional and mental state? No, thank you. So therefore, I’m just gonna let that just wash over me because I don’t want what she has. So that just to ask myself that question, to remind myself, I don’t want what she has. I love her, but I don’t want to be her, made it easier for me to just let it go and just.

Not in there. And the phrase hurt people hurt people is so incredibly true. But also healed people heal people. without me really doing anything but just healing myself and living my life as the version of me I want to be, my mum has stopped constantly dieting.

Hmm

Speaker 1 (33:15.02)
has just accepted the size she is and has started to notice, be more present, be more enjoying the birdsong, noticing her surroundings and much less catastrophising. And that’s just because healed people heal people. So she’s seen it, she’s seen the change and she’s taken it on board.

Yeah.

So your healing can be the catalyst for your mum’s healing as well. Because it overflows and the energy spreads out. Which is really rather cool, right?

It’s amazing, it’s like the butterfly effect, isn’t it? It’s like when you smile at someone in a shop or something, you have no idea the effect you’ve had on their life because then they might then do something to someone else in their life. we’re so significant with everything we do or don’t do. That’s why this is a bit of a tangent, but I really do want to be in the world and make a difference. So even when I was working in a bank,

all these, they’ve had like a group of these people where people wouldn’t want to serve them because, they’re small or they’re old or, and I would love to serve them. They’d actually start asking for me because I was like, how can I make this person smile today? And if I had a grumpy customer, I was like, right, challenge, how can I make this customer laugh? So you have a big effect on people. It starts with you always.

Speaker 1 (34:51.048)
even just smiling at someone in the street or saying good morning, you might be the only person that does that to them that day or that week and it can make a huge difference. Yeah, indeed.

Do what makes you feel good and then that ripples.

We’re at the end of the hour. Shall we do one more from you? Let’s do one more. then any other questions I’ve not answered, then we can do them on the next one.

Okay.

Speaker 1 (35:21.908)
Okay let me have a look what looks good. Why is the guilt worse after eating rather than during the action of eating?

because you’re allowing your brain or you’re giving, no, let me reframe that because your brain’s gonna do what your brain’s gonna do, good luck controlling your brain. But what I would say is going on here is during eating, maybe you’re focusing on the pleasure of the food, which is great. Maybe you’re distracted doing something else, which isn’t a bad thing. But I’m curious as to why.

Why, when you’ve eaten, is the guilt stronger? I assume the brain’s thinking thoughts like, you shouldn’t have had that, why did you do that? Almost regretting what you’ve done. First of all, this has come to me to ask, is that a pattern of yours? How you do one thing is how you do everything. Do you often do something and then wish it would be different? I’m just curious if this person has a general pattern in their life of doing something.

and then beating themselves up about it afterwards or wishing it was different or just reminiscing on what’s just happened. Just look at that if that’s a pattern. And to overcome this, focus on something that serves you. The thoughts will come, the feelings will come. Okay, cool. Like Tabitha Farrar says, get ready for the feelings of guilt because they’re gonna come knocking and running anyway. So you’re not surprised that you feel guilty after you’ve eaten. You’re like, okay, well, here’s the guilt that I expected. And then…

look at where your thoughts are. Are you spiraling with, shouldn’t have done that, why have I done that? I used to replay what I’d eaten over and over again all day and then embed onto a whole replay about 10 times of what I’d eaten that day. In the morning I would do it again from the day before, then I’d start that day. So it’s like a constant thing over and over again. So if you notice you’re doing that, stop, ground, like Julia shared, like what can you see, smell, hear, touch, whatever.

Speaker 2 (37:33.89)
Ground, breathe, focus on something else. And she says in her book, Tabatha Farrar, eat and move on or something like that. Eat and forget, that’s what she says, eat and forget. So in order to forget, you have to distract yourself and do something else because it’s impossible to feel so much guilt and remorse and have all these sparing thoughts if you’re actually focused on gratitude and presence, you can’t have both at the same time. So where are your thoughts?

and then why is a guilt, like you’ve literally just eaten. There’s nothing wrong or bad about eating, it’s a positive.

Yeah, it’s the overthinking, isn’t it? It’s the overthinking what you’ve done during the action of eating you’re focused on doing. Yeah. And then afterwards, your brain is free to run away with all these thoughts. And you’re absolutely right. Gratitude and presence and stuff is amazing. But I played this really weird game in early recovery when I was eating and all the thoughts would come in.

Are you laughing at Dave or your dogs or just your memory?

Just my memory. I tried to outsmart the eating disorder.

Speaker 2 (38:40.014)
You

Speaker 2 (38:43.566)
So you’re trying to outsmart yourself because the Eastern disorder was wired in your brain.

Yeah, so I was trying to outsmart it. So before I ate, I would be like, right, I’m going to have this and the eating disorder is going to tell me this, this, this, this, and this and give me all these bullshit things the eating disorder was going to tell me. And I used to write them down and then I’d eat the food. And then afterwards, when the thoughts come in, it’d be like, ha, right, tick that one off.

That’s hilarious.

And so it would, I could feel end up, it was like I was playing this game with the eating disorder where I would feel quite smug because I predicted correctly everything it was going to say and could cross it off the list. And it took away the fear of those thoughts.

Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:34.094)
because you were almost like you said, playing a game with it and ticking them off. It’s a good way of doing it. And also it would be even funnier if when the thought came, you would reframe the thought into like a Donald Duck voice or a sneaky high pitched voice. And then it just takes that like heaviness away because it just sounds ridiculous and you’re expecting it on your list and it sounds ridiculous as well because it is ridiculous.

Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:01.08)
Yeah, you could like draw a cartoon character with a big speech bubble with all these bullshit things and then cross them off and then just say, gotcha, you fuck.

Yeah. And then let’s focus on freedom and what I actually truly value in life, like connection and love and authenticity and freedom. I’ve said it twice because it’s just ironically my top value, but I have a 10 month old and I’m choosing to parent in a way that just gives me no time. So maybe it will come with my top values one day again.

And then on that note, we will end the recording and we haven’t answered all of them, but it’s because we decided to have half an hour catch up before our recording because we needed it. So we’re not sorry about it, but we will answer your questions on the next one.

Absolutely, they will be there at the top of the list. Any that were put in today that didn’t get answered will be the first ones to be answered next time.

They’re sending you all so much love and as usual, share, tag us and all the things. We love to hear that, you your takeaways from these episodes.

Speaker 1 (41:09.1)
Yeah, lots of love. Bye love. Bye.