In this episode, Julia and I got together to answer your brilliant questions about recovery. As always, it’s real, it’s raw, it’s emotional, and it’s full of tough love and deep truth. I love recording these episodes with her and I hope you feel our energy and heart in every answer we give.
A Moment I’d Relive Without My Eating Disorder
When I was asked which moment of my life I would redo without the eating disorder, it really got me thinking. I honestly wouldn’t change anything because my journey made me who I am today. But if I had to pick, it would be my engagement to Wouter. I was already in recovery at the time, but it would have been so beautiful to have been fully recovered so I could have been even more present and relaxed in my body and in the intimacy of that moment.
Healing Codependency With My Mother
One beautiful question we explored was how to recover when there’s a strong codependent relationship between a mother and daughter. My biggest advice is this: stop trying and start doing. Recovery isn’t something we “try” – it’s something we commit to. Also, as a mum, it’s crucial to prioritise your own recovery first. When you model nourishment, boundaries, rest, and freedom, you give your daughter permission to do the same.
Feeling Guilt for Resting Instead of Exercising
If you feel guilty for resting, know this: guilt is actually a good thing in recovery. It means you’re stepping outside of your eating disorder rules. Guilt isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong; it’s a sign you’re doing something brave. I reframed guilt as proof I was healing and I invite you to do the same. You don’t have to silence the guilt. You just have to change what it means.
Why Weight Gain Feels So Unsafe (And How I Made It Safe)
Weight gain felt so unsafe for me because society conditioned me to believe it was bad and dangerous. But the deeper truth is that the eating disorder wired my brain to fear weight gain as a survival threat. Healing meant consistently choosing to show myself that gaining weight was safe even when it felt terrifying. It took surrounding myself with the right people, self-soothing, and relentless action to rewire my brain.
Sensory Overload and Feeling Like an Alien in My Body
I totally get it. When I gained weight, everything felt wrong. Clothes fit differently. I moved differently. I felt like an alien. But I chose to make it different instead of making it wrong. I practiced being with my new body. I did mirror work. I stayed with the discomfort without rejecting myself. And slowly, my new normal became familiar. Yours will too if you allow it.
Cold Turkey or Little By Little With Stopping Movement?
Stopping compulsive exercise was honestly one of the hardest parts for me. But the truth is, going cold turkey is the most effective way to heal exercise compulsion. It feels unbearable at first, but deep down, I secretly wanted the permission to rest. If you can, give yourself that permission fully. Rip the plaster off and set yourself free.
Making Peace With the Lies I Told During My Eating Disorder
I lied during my eating disorder because it felt like survival. I forgave myself for that. I didn’t lie because I was a bad person. I lied because I was fighting to protect the eating disorder that felt like my lifeline. Recovery meant making peace with those lies, telling the truth where needed, and recognising that my worth was never tied to honesty or perfection. It was always about survival.
Life Is Better Without An Eating Disorder (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Yet)
I used to believe life was better with an eating disorder. It gave me validation, control, and a sense of achievement. But the cost was my freedom, joy, connection, and authentic self. Now, my life is filled with love, pleasure, spontaneity, and true connection. If you’re questioning whether you want to let it go, remember: you wouldn’t be asking that question unless a part of you was ready for something more.
Final Words
You get to create your own reality. You do that by choosing where you place your focus, which thoughts you believe, and which actions you take. Healing is messy and scary, but it’s also the bravest and most beautiful thing you will ever do. I’m with you every step of the way.
