Emily Nye

Testimonials

Video of Emily’s journey to recovery.

What were you struggling with when you came to me for coaching?

I didn’t really know what I was struggling with and that was a big part of the problem. I knew that I had an issue around food but because I was so deep within the disorder and my brain was working on probably around 20% while simultaneously being in over-drive, but I was in complete denial about having Anorexia because I didn’t think it was possible for me to have that or that I was just attention seeking.

What’s the biggest thing you would say you’ve learned throughout this process?

That I was never the issue and the feelings that I feel, most other humans feel them to. I put everyone else on a pedestal and knocked myself down constantly but being able to give myself compassion isn’t something I ever thought would be possible.

Most obviously, I came to learn exactly how poorly I actually was because the ED has an amazing way of down playing the sickness and telling you that it’s just your personality. It’s petrifying how clever it is but looking back at pictures now from 5 months ago I can see exactly how ill I was and that’s really, really sad.

I’ve learnt that this wasn’t my fault, but was the product of societal pressures and the idea that I need to be perfect in order to be loved. I’ve learnt that I do deserve unconditional love and I don’t need to settle or change myself for anything less.

I’ve learnt that I can’t do this alone and I do need to lean on people around me in order to get myself to the place and person I want to be and that people do actually want to help. I’m not a burden and I don’t need to sort myself out and live under the rules of ‘I’ll be happy when’ or ‘I’ll be able to be loved when’. I can live life now and I’m not working towards happiness as an outcome of my appearance.

What had you tried previously to resolve your problem?

I had worked with someone else before I came to you, but they were very much in the fitness world and while they were lovely and stopped me from running 40K a week and told me to only do strength training / walking, I needed to be in the hands of someone who had been through what I was going through and to tell me that I needed to sit on my arse and not move an inch. I didn’t need someone to tell me to eat whole foods and ensure that I was hitting my protein intake for the day, I needed someone to validate my wants of thousands of biscuits and to tell me that we were chemically rewiring my brain.

How is your relationship with food and your body now?

We are still a work in progress, but having non negotiable’s for both food, food rules and the way I view my body is everything – it takes the power away from the ED instantly because there is nothing we can do about any of it. It is what it is and it gives me room to just live and see what happens. I remind myself of my life before and it makes living in a bigger body with an actual working brain worth every ounce.

Being Thailand was amazing in some regards of taking the preparation of food out of my hands and not knowing what was in each meal and showing my brain that we ate something and we didn’t die or change instantly from it, but at the same time it meant that I wasn’t able to prepare food properly without changing recipes etc to fit within the ED so that’s something I want to work on now that I’m back – being able to look after myself properly and know everything that’s in a meal, but for it to not change how I see or enjoy it.

Where do you score now in the areas below?

Food freedom – 4 now a 7
Health – 6 now an 8 – yay to periods
Body acceptance – 1 now a 7
Self-confidence – 2 now a 7
Self-Worth – 0 now a 7
Self-Love – 0 now a 7
Self-care – 5 now an 8
Spirituality – 6 now a 7
Relationships – 4 now an 8

Would you recommend me to others to help them with food and body struggles? Why?

Firstly, I don’t really believe that someone who hasn’t had an eating disorder can help you recover from one. It’s the most ridiculous illness that makes zero sense to a healthy mind so being able to voice how I was feeling and for you to genuinely understand and me not have to over-explain it or think about your feelings when voicing them was everything. No one else in my life understood what I was going through no matter how hard they tried so having you there at the other end of the phone got me through the darkest times in my life.

I needed a ‘no bullshit’ approach and that’s what you gave me, but at the same time you met everything with compassion and care which meant a lot. I have gotten to know myself for the first time in my entire life.

I know we’ve spoken about how closed off I am with my feelings and voicing my love for people but I really am so grateful for your help and everything you’ve done for me. I’m still worried that my life will always have slight hints of disordered eating, but I hope that isn’t true and I can live as freely and authentically as you. It’s so important to have a role model through this and you provided that to me.

Lots and lots of love,

Em xx