I wanted to be 100% free before sending it, but I’m still in the 85-90% range. Then I realized I was at like 5-10% when I started and holy shit that is amazing.
I had been “trying” to recover for 20 years. In-patient, out-patient, therapy, medication, mindset, white-knuckling, promising myself tomorrow would be better, etc. Dieting to stop bulimia, working out to stop bulimia, running to stop bulimia, restriction to stop bulimia. The cycle was crazy and chaotic and I saw no way out.
Did you think working with me would “work” for you? Why or why not?
Yes and no. I felt like it would be the only thing that worked if anything could work. I did feel like I was the one person who could truly never get better. I still have a tiny sliver of fear that I’ll mess up and it’ll take over again but I think that’s just because I was in ED for SO long.
I have discovered that I can trust myself and my body. I didn’t spiral into frozen despair and I made it through each hard thing. Fear now is more like a challenge to me and not an obstacle. If I feel fear I think how can I tackle this instead of ignoring it, running from it, or letting it stop me.
Would you recommend me to others to help them with food and body struggles? Why?
Where do you score now in the areas below?
Food freedom – 3 now an 8
Purging – 0 (with 10 being zero purging behaviours) NO PURGING 10
Health + Fitness – 5 now an 8; this is not driven compulsively but still navigating times where I do this with some aspiration to tone and that seems like a slippery slope
Body acceptance – 0 now a 7
Body confidence – 2 now a 6
Self-Worth – 1 now a 9
Self-Love – 0 now a 9
Self-care – 0 now a 6
Personal Growth – 1 now a 9
Spirituality – 6 now a 9
Relationships – 3 now a 9
Thank you, I can’t thank you enough for kindness and guidance. I feel like I have a million more things to say about this journey and a million more thank you’s to say to you about it all.
Heather
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– Heather
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