Victoria (00:00.942)
Hello lovelies, welcome back to another episode. There’s a juicy one for you today. I mean, one of mine not juicy, but I did ask my lovely listeners to send any questions through to me and my friend Mike. And I got quite a lot of questions, but they weren’t relevant to our last conversation that me and Mike had, which is what I did say, but could have made clearer.

So I did answer a couple of questions during the episode with Mike, which I believe will have been released by now when this is live anyway. So I thought I would do a Q and A to answer the other ones that I didn’t get round to. me and Mike didn’t get round to. So let me just bring the questions up. I’m not gonna say the names because I’m not entirely sure whether I’ve been given the go ahead or not.

So I’m just going to go with question one. I’m going to call the person by the first letter of the name and that is C. And C says, one friend has lost weight very quickly and me and my other friend were curious as to how. This friend who has lost weight has shared since that she’s struggled with her weight for years and she only told me recently that she battled with bulimia in her teens and twenties.

She had said that her personal trainer had indicated that her metabolism was shot due to her often only eating one meal a day for a lot of years. And so she is now on a metabolic balance program with three meals per day. It does sound sensible what she’s eating. It’s not restrictive or overly prescriptive apart from she’s not allowed any snacks between meals and she has to ensure that there is five hours between meals.

and that obviously her metabolism is working properly again. I just cannot let this get out of my head. It seems so silly, but I’m starting to question whether my eating is altogether healthy and whether I should just tweak things like no snacks between meals. I’m also starting to have guilt thoughts if I miss a gym session or if my workout doesn’t seem intense enough. And I’m starting to lose a bit of confidence in my body again. I don’t quite understand what’s going on.

Victoria (02:24.15)
As I consider myself fully recovered and I’ve been going along for so well for quite a while, is it normal for a recovered person to start to question things when they see another person having lost a significant amount of weight? The other thought I had was, she’s looking really good, but at least I’m still a bit smaller than her. That’s not helpful either, as I’m obviously still having comparison issues. Okay, this is a very juicy question. I could have done like an entire episode on it. However, I’ve got that many questions.

It would take months and months for me to get through each question if I dedicated an episode to each one in depth. So I’m going to go as deep as I can in this context with how I’m answering the question, but there will be more that I haven’t said, more layers to peel back, but I’m sure I’ll touch on them as I’m answering the question. Let’s go. So the first thing I’m going to go through the question. I don’t know your friend and you know your friend more than me.

You don’t know for sure if all she’s done is eat more meals from what you’re sharing, from what she’s sharing with you. So you don’t know that for sure, but let’s go on the fact that she’s telling the truth and what she’s done to lose all this weight is to eat more meals a day because her personal trainer said her metabolism was shot. You can’t.

I’m going to use my words, you can’t break a metabolism. Your metabolism doesn’t break forever. It doesn’t stop. That doesn’t make sense, Victoria. Your metabolism isn’t shot. Well, let me abbreviate on that. So for those that are worrying whether they can break their metabolism or ruin their metabolism through restricting or binge eating or whatever it is, you can’t. It’s like every time you shave under your arms, the hair grows back, right?

Every time you have a wound or a cut, your body heals it. The same with your metabolism. You can’t break your metabolism. Your metabolism can be influenced by what you eat, meaning that if your body thinks there’s a famine and there’s not much food coming in, it will hold on as much as possible to weight, to fat, to protect you. So this, am assuming this is what the personal trainer means.

Victoria (04:46.508)
that because she’s been eating very little, you said that she has only been eating a meal a day for a long time, and now she’s eating three meals a day, then I presume, I hope that the three meals are more in terms of calories, nutrients than this one meal a day that she was eating. So her body is sensing that there’s more food available, so it revs up the metabolism because there’s more wood on the fire.

more fuel on the fire. So if you see your metabolism as a fire, that never goes out, but if it’s not got much fuel to burn, it will just very, very quietly and coolly simmer. It won’t burn with loads of flames. So the more you add to the fire, the more it has. So it can do more with the energy it’s getting. So it can make you warm quicker if you’re cold. It can just do everything it needs to do in the body quicker with more fuel.

So I assume from what you’ve shared that because she was eating very little and now she’s eating more, her metabolism is simply like, we have more food, so let’s just burn more. Some people have a naturally fast and quick metabolism, others don’t. So that’s what he meant by her metabolism was shot. It’s not shot, your body’s just very cleverly adapting to the food or the lack of food that is or was coming in.

whether she’s lost a lot of weight just doing this and this alone, I need more details from her. The fact she’s not allowed snacks is restriction because what if she’s hungry? What if she wants a snack? That’s restriction in my view. So to go into kind of your side of the question, like why you can’t let this go, it’s not silly though, my love, it’s not silly at all. The fact that you considered yourself recovered and this has come into your life as a trigger,

It’s just highlighting things that need a bit more work. It doesn’t mean you’re not recovered. It just means that, I’m going to go into it as much as I can here. Like, this actually perhaps needs a bit more healing. Or most likely, the layers that are being peeled off now, if you allow yourself to dive into the layers and to see what this is triggering in you and why, it’s most likely coming up now for a reason.

Victoria (07:10.764)
because maybe it would have been too much if all of these layers came up during your recovery period. Do you understand what I’m saying? So when we heal, yes, we can be recovered, but then a year, two year, three, five years down the line, something might come up and you might think, I thought I’d healed that. You have, but it’s come up in a different way in maybe from a different layer to heal it even on a deeper level. It doesn’t matter. It needs healing either way. So.

You can’t let go of it because why? Why can’t you let go of this? There’s a part of you that still believes that thinner is better than bigger. That weight loss is the ultimate achievement that everyone wants. And society is reflecting that back to us all the time. So you’re not crazy. It’s being reflected back to you and conditioned into you, even though you’re recovered, wherever you go, wherever you look.

So what are you still hoping to get or to more so what are you hoping to feel if you could lose weight? I wanted to say if you could lose weight without restricting, without being in an eating disorder, it doesn’t matter regardless because I know you’re not going to take those restrictive behaviors, which is great.

You said that I didn’t read out the question was too long to read all of it. So I know you said you’re not going to do the restrictive behaviors, which is amazing. Just shows how far you’ve come as well. But there’s something within you that perhaps needs a little bit more work to prove wrong why weight loss is like this ultimate achievement, like why it’s so good. And there will be grieving left to do there because…

you know, maybe you have a preference to be thinner, maybe you like a thinner body in terms of your preference, even your preference is conditioned, I believe, like almost fully. And it is what it is. Like if I could be smaller, then why not? I would prefer to be smaller, but I’m not. So I’m not gonna do anything about it. I’m not going to feel any emotional digress about the size of my body, because I’ve done all that work. But if I could be smaller for free,

Victoria (09:27.938)
Why not? You know, so it’s just a case of asking yourself what is there within you that still thinks or believes that thinness or weight loss will give you something that you haven’t got now. What do you think losing weight will give you that you haven’t got now? So these are the questions you can ask yourself. When you say you’re questioning whether you should just like have no snacks between meals, that’s restriction. If you’re hungry and you want to snack, then snack.

anything other than that is restriction. Do you want to live your life restricting? You may want to. I would assume, I know this lovely lady, I assume you don’t, because you’ve experienced how free you can be. So just notice when these things, maybe I should do this, maybe I should only eat chocolate at weekends, that was mine. They’re just micro restrictions, but they’re still restrictions and they’re gonna backfire, they’re gonna affect you somehow, somewhere. So…

Anything else I would like to say? There’s definitely some more things. Okay, with regards to your gym session or your workout isn’t intense enough, this is what has happened with your friend is just a big trigger. So I would recommend brainstorming everything within you, like you’ve shared here, but go to town on this, while it’s triggered within you seeing your friend lose this weight. And then start to question, what do I think this is going to give me? For example, if you think your workouts are intense enough,

What is it gonna give you if they’re intense enough? If they’re not intense enough, what is it going to take away from you or what are you not going to feel? So you need to start asking these deeper questions to see what’s really going on because it’s not something, we’re not chasing things or outcomes necessarily, we are, but what we’re really chasing is a feeling. We’re chasing a feeling that we haven’t got in our lives that we don’t think or believe we can feel without having the outcome. For example, the intense workout or losing weight.

or and we’re avoiding a feeling that we think will go away when we achieve said outcome. Does that make sense? So the last part you said, okay, so she’s looking really good, at least I’m smaller than her. Yeah, it’s comparison. I wouldn’t say you’re having comparison issues. It’s just interesting to be like, that’s really interesting. Like, this is a big trigger for me. Why do your deep dives yourself as to why it’s such a big trigger for you? Because fully, fully free.

Victoria (11:53.588)
is for someone close to you to lose weight and be like, like, I hope that they’ve not done it dangerously. I hope that they’re okay. That’s nice for them. Just like, kind of, I’m just shrugging on the video. You can see it’s just like, it has nothing to do with you in a way. Someone looking amazing, like I was at the cafe the other day with my husband, and no word of a lie, there was a lady with a young baby who literally looked like Margot Robbie, and she’s a bit of my, I’ve got a bit of a girl crush on her.

And I was like, what the fuck? She is incredibly beautiful. And I can acknowledge that without it taking anything away from me. There’s always gonna be someone more beautiful, pretty, funny, a thinner, stronger, fitter than me. There’s always gonna be people, all those things less than me. Same with you, whoever’s listening and watching to this. So when you can see someone and feel genuinely happy for them, you can feel genuinely happy for them when you’re at full peace within yourself.

when what anyone, when whatever anyone else achieves has nothing to do with taking away anything that you have. You’re just you and they’re just them and you can appreciate things in them and you can appreciate all of you without feeling like you’re losing something. So I would question like, what benefit do you have unconsciously with the comparison? It is linked to safety, knowing you and.

with the eating disorder stuff, again, more layers. For me, I felt very safe. If I was the thinnest in the room, I’d like do a quick scan and I’d be like, okay, it’s fine. Like I’m the thinnest or I’m the prettiest or whatever it is. It’s like, it’s a safety thing. Why is it feeling safer for you to be the thinnest or the prettiest or the fittest or whatever it is? And that’s something that you can go into for yourself. And it’s usually always deeper healing that’s needed when you’re in comparison.

And when you’re having these thoughts of like, maybe I should just change something, why? What is it that you’re missing? And it is normal, lastly on this, it is normal for you to have these experiences, for all of us to have these experiences during our recovery, because you’ve not been recovered years and years. You will notice over time, the longer you’ve been recovered, the less these will come up, because when they do come up, AKA now, you’ll do the digging and the deep work.

Victoria (14:17.196)
and understand, like I still have this unconscious belief or I still believe that I will receive this or I will get rid of this or, and that’s when you do the, I guess like the finishing touches of recovery if you like, because when a trigger like this happens in the future, you’ll just feel completely neutral and it won’t be a trigger. Hope that all makes sense. Thank you for the question. Okay, the next question is,

by someone with the letter beginning with F. So thank you, lovely F. I have struggled with anorexia for over 25 years now, but I very disordered eating since childhood plus OCD, which is very much tied to my ED. I feel like I’m definitely in quasi recovery at the moment and having just turned 57, I’m getting extremely depressed at the thought of wasting even more of my life on this crap. Love your language there.

I keep saying I want to get better and honestly your videos have helped and motivated me more than anyone I’ve watched before. Thank you. And like many people I’ve watched a lot. I think on my website I still say start the binge listening. There’s a reason I say that. But while I’ve had a good idea of why my ED developed, I keep wondering if I keep wondering if I keep getting stuck because am I fatphobic? And I feel ashamed to even write that.

Deep down, do I actually think thinner is better? And what the hell does that say about me as a person? What if I really do think being fat is bad, lazy, et cetera? Or is this simply so ingrained in me, I don’t know what to believe about myself anymore? Other than the fact that I’m obviously a complete over-thinker. Well, there is that, my love. Maybe I don’t actually want to get better. This just struck me the other day as many episodes talk about wanting to get better.

and seeing what food freedom feels like and it scares me to think that maybe I want to be like this, as in the way she is. Or is this simply coming from a place of years and years of diet culture crap being shoved down my throat combined with zero sense of self-worth, purpose or real values because for decades that’s what the ED has given me supposedly. I don’t know if any of this makes sense. I can’t believe that I actually want to live this life but the evidence says otherwise.

Victoria (16:33.486)
and that scares me. And to be honest, I’ve been like this for so long now, I’ve absolutely no idea how to live any other way. I’m so disconnected from my true values and my true self. I mean, there’s a lot of juicy, reflective wisdom in your question. So let me dive in. My husband just came and left me a note. Wait a minute. Kerwin is sleeping in the living room.

How is she asleep just rounding me in the living room? Okay, anyway. So, where do I begin?

Victoria (17:11.532)
Hmm hmm hmm. Okay, so she says she has a good idea of why she developed her eating disorder. And she’s wondering, is she fatphobic? Of course she’s fat, of course you’re fatphobic. Of course you are. And I don’t say that with any shame because we all are, because we’ve been conditioned to be that. It’s unconscious bias. So it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It is all of your deep, unconditional.

Unconditional? No, wrong word. It’s your deep, unconscious conditioning which leads us to have an unconscious bias towards fat people. So yes, you are fatphobic and yes, you genuinely believe that thinner is better and fat is bad lazy. Of course you do. And that’s what recovery is, is dismantling all of that shit and believing something else.

That’s like a huge part of recovery. So you say, it simply so ingrained in me? I don’t know what to believe about myself anymore. Yeah, like I said, it is ingrained in you. Yes, you’re an over thinker as well. But most people with needing disorder live in their head because they don’t feel safe to live in their body because your body, our bodies are where feelings are truly felt and expressed. So if we try and live in our head, we can think about our feelings and only feel them a little bit and try and suppress them. So.

Yes, you’re fatphobic. Don’t be ashamed. I know you said you were ashamed to write that. There’s no reason to be. That’s part of recovery work, as I’ve just repeated myself, is to let go of that fatphobia. But you can only let go of fatphobia when you feel like it’s safe to, meaning your brain will not let you get rid of something. For example, being afraid of fatness. It won’t let you just drop being afraid of fatness unless it’s got…

a way out or a proven method or something to replace it with if it thinks it needs that for survival or to be loved or whatever. So if you have a belief that fat is bad, afraid of fatness, you can’t just drop it because if your brain and nervous system think you need to be thin in order to be loved, in order to be safe, you can’t just not be fatphobic. That’s the whole, one of the whole points of recovery.

Victoria (19:38.39)
So that just shows me that, I don’t know you’ve worked with someone or if you’ve been working with someone or if you’re able to work with someone, me, if that’s doable for you or someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, to dismantle the fatphobia and to let that go and then that will be a huge part of your recovery that will help you with everything else. Then you go to say, maybe I actually don’t want to get better. This just struck me the other day.

So want and willing are two different things, right? We can want all the things in the world, but are we willing to do what it takes to get what we say we want? That’s the big question. If you want to start your own business, are you willing to do all the background stuff, all the financial stuff, all the marketing stuff, all the business building stuff, other than just if you choose to be coaching as a business, other than just show up and coach?

Are you willing to put all the hours in that no one sees to build your business and your brand? So you can want to have your own business take and get away from media recovery to make it clearer, but are you willing to put that work in when it’s not gonna be easy? So I would say from what you’ve shared, it doesn’t mean that you don’t want to get better. It’s a combination of not having someone to support you through the work that will help you literally recover.

the fatphobia piece for example, because you’re afraid of fatness. So if you don’t feel safe to let go of that fear, that’s where the work needs to be done at that core level. Like, what does fatness mean about you? What would it mean if you were fat? What does it mean about other people? How can we create evidence that actually you can be safe and loved and validated, whatever your reason is to be afraid of fatness in a fatter body or in a bigger body? And we do all that layer peeling back work together. So it’s a case of maybe

not knowing what to do, it’s not even a case of being willing. If you’re not sure how to even address that fatphobia, then it’s the how, so it can be like what to do. Maybe it’s the willing piece because you’ve said you’ve lived for so long this way, you’re not connected from your true values and your true self, you’ve said that. So there’s a part of you, the part of you who wrote that, who knows you’re not living your true self.

Victoria (21:58.36)
you’re not living by your true values. So recovery is also coming back home and getting to know your true self and then living by your true values. So it’s all pieced together. And currently you identify with someone with an eating disorder and you don’t know, when you lose your identity or when you work on changing your identity, you feel like you’re literally going to die because that’s who you believe and think you are. And without that, you’re like, who the fuck am I then? It’s like a death.

I talk about this in my programme and if I’m remembering correctly, yeah, you can get the whole module of the identity piece for free because it’s in the free trial. So that will really help you, anyone else who this is resonating with, sign up for the Freedom Collective and you get 14 days free in there and you get the whole, I think there’s two modules you get, maybe even three. You get the whole identity piece with the worksheet and everything that will really help you.

So definitely do that. But it’s a mixture, it’s a clusterfuck of all sorts of things. Yes, it’s coming from years and years of diet culture crap being shoved down your throat. And you’ve even said it yourself, zero sense of self worth, purpose or real values. Because for decades, that’s what ED is giving me supposedly. Yeah, I mean, you need to work with someone who knows what they’re doing and then you will recover because you’ve got a lot of awareness, but you need someone to help you unpack it all and then be.

your true self. Who is that? That’s what part of recovery is. What are your true values? Live your true values. And then all of this will make sense and it will be unraveled and you’ll be well on your way to recovery. So I know that I didn’t give you like an in-depth step-by-step this is what you need to do, but I hope that helps because we need to be working together or I need you on a call to go deeper to actually get through all of this.

but I wouldn’t say it’s because you’re not willing. Maybe the fee is so big because you’re identifying as all of these things, but I can’t say that without knowing you better. I hope that has helped what I have said. Is there anything that I have missed from my notes? Don’t think so. Yeah. Okay. Next question is by A.

Victoria (24:20.376)
Do you think it’s possible to fully recover while living with your parents or in the same environment where you became ill? At the moment I live with my parents, my mum believes that I can only do well here because whenever I lived on my own or in shared apartments, I eventually relapsed. However, it’s important to mention that I was never as self-aware and reflective as I am now. And with the mindset I had back then, recovery never really seemed possible to me.

even according to my therapists and doctors. It makes me so angry when therapists and doctors are like not believing in the patient or the client and just being like, yeah, it’s probably not possible. Bullshit, recovery is possible for everyone. Now I’m afraid of experiencing setbacks if I leave my nest, find my own apartment and struggle to cope with everyday life. I’m terrified of that happening. At the same time, I also feel completely stuck living with my parents. I feel trapped.

both by my own fears and by my mother’s fears as well. Yes, recovery in the same environment is possible, but it requires a lot more inner work and relationship work alongside environmental awareness and ED recovery. So yes, you can recover in the same environment. However, the vibe of your question is,

I feel that you are ready to leave the nest. Before I say that, let me say something else. Recovery can only be done by you. A lot of the time, our loved ones have tried to help us so much, they’ve pushed us and give us ultimatums and try to help us and we just see that as pressure, pressure, pressure. And we rebel against that pressure, whether we want to or not, it’s human instinct. You feel pressured, you wanna rebel.

Right? Naturally. Whether that’s consciously rebelling or unconsciously rebelling, that’s what happens. So, you need your own autonomy, well you have, we all have our own autonomy, it’s up to us whether we claim it or not, to say, I am going to recover for me. So, it is not true that if you go and live by yourself, you’ll relapse or you won’t be able to cope with life. That’s another part, I’m gonna say that in a moment. That’s not true.

Victoria (26:44.8)
If you want to recover and you’re willing to take responsibility for your recovery, you can and will recover. Probably a lot easier than your mother’s fears and your parents’ pressure, all from love of course, but you’ll be able to stand in your power and choose to recover. I would assume that if you chose to recover in this environment, which you can, you might be met with a lot of unconscious rebellion.

Again, you’ve got to deal with your mother’s emotions. Maybe you haven’t said, but maybe there’s a bit of co-dependency there. Maybe you feel responsible for your mother’s emotions. So you’ve only got your mother’s fears to deal with and your fears. I think that’s what you said. Yeah. So I, I personally, I’m not saying what you should do, but I would in this situation move out, choose to recover for me and then do the work and get the support if you can to recover. Now,

feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with everyday life, that could be a trigger, that could be an extra challenge if you’re used to living at home. So I would get as much support as possible around that. So I would write a list of like, what actually scares you about everyday life. So let’s pretend you were recovered, you were a recovered person, what’s actually really scary about everyday life? And then bring that to someone who you trust and then…

go through the list and be like, let’s say it’s paying bills. Okay, well I could get someone to support, me setting all the bills up, the council tax and the water and the gas, whatever, and then have that all set up by direct debit, and then that’s all done. Maybe it’s having to go shopping and get your own food in. Okay, well how could I make that easier for myself? Could I do an online shop once a week on this day? So everyday life is everyday life. know, shit happens, it can be stressful sometimes.

But you can handle that. It’s the recovery piece. You’ve even said you have more self-aware, you’re reflexive, and you have a different mindset in comparison to what happened before when you left and then relapsed. So I’m feeling from your question, like you’re in a good place to go and do this thing, decide to recover, commit, take responsibility, get support from someone outside of your parents.

Victoria (29:08.546)
get a coach that knows what they’re talking about that has recovered themselves. That’s what I will always advise. And then go and feel your own power. Go and experience how badass you actually are. You’ll be so fucking proud of yourself. It’s not to say you don’t need help. Like I said, get help from someone if you can, but not your parents. But ultimately it’s a decision. It’s a willing to commit.

It’s doing the actions, facing the fear and doing it anyway, and all the layers that recovery brings up. So yes, you can recover in the same environment, because you just, again, you decide, you commit, you’re willing, you share with your parents how they can best support you in recovery, you set boundaries, but there’s more work to do if you’re in that environment where you became ill, because you’ve got all these triggers and family system triggers that are going to come up. So I hope that’s helped.

hope that has helped. Because ultimately the goal is safety inside of yourself, not safety in a location. Because true recovery and true freedom and true self-love is just feeling at home with self wherever you are in the world, whatever is going on in your life.

Okay, and also, again, last thing, sorry, almost finished, you are not the woman you were back then when you relapsed. You’ve come so far, you’ve grown, your mindset’s different, your awareness is different, your reflections are different. So you’re not the same woman as you were back then. So if you choose not to relapse, then you won’t. Okay, question four is by

Hi, with an eating disorder, how do you work around eating more or different sorts of food when you have severe gut infections like SIBO, Candida and others? Yeah, that is a great question because, yeah, ideally recovery is going all in and eating whatever it is that you want, all types of food, whatever it is you’re craving until food just becomes food, you’ve nutritionally rehabilitated.

Victoria (31:13.826)
You’ve rewired mentally, you’ve healed any trauma, and you’re free emotionally. That’s the simple tick box stages that don’t all go in that stage, by the way. Nutritional rehabilitation usually needs to come first, So, what will I say here? So, the thing is, with your gut health, usually it’s caused by trauma. Not always, but usually.

It’s caused by what you’ve been through in the past. It’s the body attacking itself. It’s a lot of stress and a lot of fear that manifests in the body. So usually when you’ve recovered and you’ve been recovered a while, usually the gut stuff heals itself naturally anyway, because it’s usually interlinked, definitely. However, that doesn’t take away the fact that, let’s say you can’t have dairy, and you want ice cream, like real ice cream with real milk, and it…

causes a severe reaction or infection, then you can’t just go ahead and do that because you’re gonna make yourself really sick. That’s really hard. what I would share here is mostly, the most important is to have a free mindset. Let’s say, and I’m just making this up, let’s say you can’t have dairy and you really want dairy and recovery. You can be like, right, okay, I’m acknowledging that I really want and crave dairy. I can have dairy.

these are going to be the consequences and the side effects of me having dairy. Is it worth it to me to have dairy? Is it going to make me really sick? Is that going to be actually self-harming in a way? So you still always have a choice whether you choose to eat dairy or not. So knowing that you have a full choice whether to eat dairy or fill in the blank or not, whether you do or not, that’s up to you. You always have a choice. So going at it from that angle shows that

shows your mind and then therefore your body that actually you are free, you’re not restricting, you’re just choosing not to because this will be the consequence. So it depends on how, like I said, how severe the consequence would be, but I would always offer yourself whatever you’re craving, whatever you want, and then ask yourself like, what would the consequence be?

Victoria (33:28.726)
And sometimes it’s gonna feel restrictive because the consequence might be so bad for you you just won’t have it and you want it and that really sucks. And so you’d have to be with little you and all the parts of you, even just the version of you now that is like that fucking sucks. And be with yourself through that. I mean I would recommend, what’s her name? Julie Duffy Diffin, no. Her name sounds like that.

and she’s an expert in intuitive eating and diet recovery, but she’s actually an expert in these types of things. Julie Duffin, it’s on the tip of my tongue and my brain’s not giving me the right words to say. If I remember, I’ll pop it in the show notes, but I would get an ED recovery coach who’s specialized in this type of thing, but ultimately it’s the freedom you’d have.

from freedom of choice and the consequences and whether you choose to do that or not. It’s not a case of you can’t have it because you’re gonna gain weight or it’s bad food. It’s like, actually I can have it and probably sometimes I will have it, but these will be the consequences and just take care of yourself as much as possible. But ultimately a recovered person, a person who’s nourished, who’s mentally, physically and emotionally free is a lot healthier than someone who’s restricting because of…

these gut infections, but I’m not speaking from experience here, so you might be listening to this thinking, Victoria, you know nothing about SIBO, I would literally die if I had XYZ. So I don’t know about that, so I’m sorry in advance if I’m sounding like a complete invalid when I’m sharing right now. But that’s what I’m getting from the question and from my knowledge of what you’ve just shared. Let me know if you have any questions off the back of that. Okay, and then the last question is from Jay.

And she says, can you go more into depth about reintroducing exercise after recovery? After more than a year and a half without any form of formal exercise, I want to start again. I definitely don’t want to do it for weight loss. Okay, that’s good. She definitely doesn’t want to do it for weight loss. That’s what she’s saying. Yeah, I don’t see how I can start without those thoughts coming up. Like, maybe this will even out my body.

Victoria (35:45.482)
If I’m more toned, I’ll feel better about my body. And I get scared of getting on the endorphin high train or needing it to feel good. And then on the other side, a part of me panics at the thought of getting back to it, the stress that I have to, that if I don’t continue, I will lose what I’ve worked for, et cetera. So I don’t do anything. Well, this makes me panic as well, like I’m lazy and have no motivation, et cetera. How do I get going and manage what comes up?

How do I bridge the gap between no exercise and having a good relationship with exercise like the in-between part? Okay, this is a great question. So I’m gonna go back to your question. So it’s good that you’re saying you definitely don’t want to do it for weight loss. Excuse me. So how do you, how do I start without the thoughts coming up? Well, the thoughts might come up and this is the thing, sometimes,

We can only work through things, move past them, heal them, rewire them when we do something that makes them come up. Otherwise, we can’t work on it. You see what I’m saying? So when you start exercising again, you don’t want the thoughts to come up of like, maybe this will even out my body, maybe I’ll get more toned and feel better. But you can’t heal that unless you start exercising and unless these thoughts come up.

you’ve got to face what comes up in order to move past it. So see it as a challenge of like, right, okay, my next challenge is the goal is to have a healthy, free relationship with exercise. And I’ve got some work to do in between where I am now and where that goal is. And see it as something you need in order to create that free relationship with exercise. So what I did when my thoughts came up when I started exercising again, like, maybe this will make me

more toned or more lean or whatever it is or smaller, I was like, might do, might not do. I don’t know, my body could change at any point. It might do, it might not do. So we don’t know, it might do, it might not do. It’s not whether you get leaner or lose weight or get toned or whatever it is, it’s like what you’re making that mean about you. That’s always the case. What are you making it mean about you? If I lose weight, then

Victoria (38:08.406)
What am I making it mean if I’m like all happy and excited that my clothes are looser? You’re allowed to feel happy about yourself, but notice why, because you could also lose that. That could also get taken away from you because bodies change all the time. So even if you do notice you’re feeling better about your body because you’ve started exercising or weight training again, whatever it is, just remember the Buddha quote, like anything that you are attached to creates suffering.

So suffering is, attachment is the greatest form of suffering. So if you’re not attached to your body feeling better, then feel better in my body. Interesting, I will enjoy this experience and it could be taken away at any moment, I’m also cool with that. So it’s not attaching anything to it and it’s not, it’s creating a neutral meaning to something. That’s the most important here. And also, can I say that this question is coming from you wanting to protect your recovery?

coming from a beautiful space of self-love, wanting to protect you in your recovery. So the other part, you’re scared of getting on the endorphin high train of needing it to feel good. Again, if you notice you having that need for it to feel good, just be like, I’m noticing I’m having this need for it to feel good. Does it need to feel this good? Like, why am I even doing it? If it doesn’t feel good, why would I do it? But if I’m noticing I’m seeking that like high feeling, I’m just gonna protect myself and like,

not do it today or again it’s getting curious but you can only do this when it’s happening if and when it comes up. It’s like we can talk about the fear of weight gain till the cows come home but unless we actually gain weight we can’t move through the fear right we can talk about it that doesn’t heal the doesn’t heal the fear underneath weight gain it has to happen for us to face the fear have evidence it’s okay and then let go of that.

fear, you know? It’s like you can’t talk about getting over your fear of heights and look at photos and all of that. You have to actually go somewhere high to overcome your fear of heights, right? So this is going to come up as and when, and it might not, but you get curious about it. Then you said, the panic of getting back into it, the stress that I have to, that if I don’t continue, I’ll lose what I’ve worked for. Again, if that happens,

Victoria (40:32.033)
That’s just showing you something that is not yet free. So if the thought comes up, have to, that is showing you where you are not yet free. You don’t have to at all. You get to choose to. Do you want to or not? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. The have to is coming from fear. Trace that fear, follow it. What are you afraid of if you don’t? Because now you’re thinking you have to. What’s underneath the fear? That’s where you need to look at and what you need to work on.

And then if you don’t do anything, you’re panicking because you feel like you’re lazy and have no motivation. Now that’s interesting because that’s where you are now. So if you never exercise for the rest of your life, would it be in fact true that you’re lazy and have no motivation? Would it be true? Is that definitely absolutely true? Or actually is it because you’re caring so much about your recovery?

and you’re caring so much about not wanting to go back to exercise obsession that you’re actually standing still at the moment because you care so much about yourself that you’ve not took the step to do it yet. That’s different reason, right? Coming from a different place. So all in all, how do I get going and manage what comes up as I go? You get going by choosing to get going and do it slowly. Don’t be like, okay, now I’m gonna go to the gym five times a week. Start twice a week.

for a month or so, see how it feels and then increase it gradually. Definitely start gradually and then you manage what comes up as you go with all your tools, with this new version of you who can manage these things, who can see it as an opportunity to learn and to grow and to learn more about yourself. You just manage it as it comes. And how do I bridge the gap between no exercise and having a good relationship with exercise? By doing the work we spoke about and by noticing when you’re attached to something and being like,

Might lose weight, might not. Might feel better in my body, might not. I don’t know, but that could be taken away from me at any moment. And also, what am I making that mean? Why would I feel so much better about myself if I looked more toned? Like, that’s gonna point to where there’s more work to do. Yeah, I think that was all my questions. Yeah, so every now and again, I will do a Q and A.

Victoria (42:54.734)
because I like to answer my lovely listeners questions. that is, that is a wrap for today. I’m trying to think if I’ve forgotten anything I want to share. I don’t think so. There’s some times I have like, oh, I need to share that and I’m not on Instagram anymore. I’m on it, but I’m not active on there. And so some things do fall through the cracks, but anything that is really pressing for me to share, I will bring to podcast episodes.

All right, there you go, loves. If you haven’t already, as I spoke about it in this episode, join the 14-day free trial for the Freedom Collective. get pretty much, I’m pretty sure I should know this, shouldn’t I? The first three modules with all the previous recorded coaching calls. God, there’s so much value in there. I can’t even list it all here and it’s free. I mean, yeah, you have to give your credit card details because that stops just.

freeloaders who have no intention of even signing up if they find value. So if you are curious about my group coaching, my freedom collective, and you don’t know if it’s for you or not, then sign up, do the free trial. You can cancel before if it’s not for you and you’ve still got everything for free. Or you can join and be like, my God, this is amazing. And then stay and then it has everything you need to recover.

So yeah, happy days. All right, I’m gonna love you and leave you. If you want to work with me one-to-one, you can apply on my website. And thank you for being here. And as usual, share, like, subscribe if you’re on YouTube. Please leave a review if you’re on a podcast platform. It really helps my podcast reach more people. And I’ll see you next time, bye.